Finally free

I have court early next week for what should hopefully be the end of a painful experience with my ex that emotionally abused me for five years and assaulted me on two occasions. It’s my turn to speak out and tell the judge how it has affected my life. Honestly going through all that is what lead me to the site. I have constantly struggled with blaming myself and the anxiety and depression of the end of a relationship with a man I thought I was going to spend my life with. I know everyone says I am better off without him and deep down I know that but when you imagine what you think your life is going to be and then all of a sudden that changes and you have no one it’s hard to endure. I have never faced depression or anxiety attacks until all of this happened, and while I DO want the judge to know what I have gone through I don’t want my ex to have more power over me and see that he has taken so much away from me. I am torn at what to say. It’s forever going to be hard for me to believe and trust a person that is in love with me that they will not hurt me physically or emotionally in the future from this. It’s actually hard for me to trust anyone anymore. I’m sorry this is so long - it’s a hard thing I am dealing with that has been hanging over my head and I’m happy to finally have it come to an end so I can reclaim my life and move on.

[Brittney07]

Trusting is hard. You'll learn to trust again but on another level . Once trust is lost in a relationship u never get that back well for me that's how it was. With time you feel so much better and look back and be glad it's all over . Your going to have an amazing life and all this is only making you stronger .

[Hidden]

I’m currently going through the same thing with my ex fiancé. He pushed me out of a moving car & I was pregnant with our child. I lost the baby that night.

I strongly urge you to talk to someone professionally about your feelings.

I know exactly how you feel when you say you KNOW that person wasn’t right for you, but it’s hard to imagine being without someone who you were in love with for so long.

Trust me, I get it. I live that same reality every single day.

I don’t trust men at all anymore, but we’ve gotta remember that not everyone is the same.

Just take all the time you need to heal yourself & learn how to cope.

I’m here if you need someone to talk to. <3 I wish you the best.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I’m am so sorry to hear about your loss- I can’t imagine what your going through or feeling. I will be praying for you and keep you in my thoughts.

It seems so strange to me how people can change and act so different from what we thought we knew, but my situation is teaching me a lot about life and opening my eyes to so many things. I have learned that I want my daughters to find a man that will respect them unconditionally and I need to be an example for them to look up to. You can message me if you want to keep talking I will always try and be here for you also

[20Voices]

I have been there, pushed to the edge then emotionally abused. My ex would refuse to.let me sleep in our bed, then come find me for sex.

I end up putting a lock on the spare bedroom and nagging him to buy a better bed for the room.

I thankfully didn't have to stand up in court, but I did not back down on the divorce proceedings even plainly telling him that I am be ill but what he did was non consensual and I could have him charged.

You have to be strong and tell your story for your sake. You are not showing weakness by telling your side of the events. Remember to breath and any coping techniques you have learned. If you feel.yourself panicking or feeling unwell stop, take a moment and carry on. The truth is the judge will have seen this before and be understanding. Take a breath before you speak and stay strong.

You need closer on this horrible time and you are not weak by showing your emotions in court you are strong for standing up and dealing with the horrible guy.

I could have settled my divorce over 2 years ago if I had given in to my ex's demands. But I stood up.for myself and pointed out where he was lying and kept my facts consistent, which can be hard to do when you keep forgetting dates, but I managed. He had me traveling hundreds of miles to court and only turned up twice. I even on one occassion argued with the sheriff, voiced my opinions of all lawyers and after leaving the court room collapsed. Thankfully my mum was there to help.me through that occasion.

I also found that when I realised I was grieving the loss of my best friend, soul mate and a man who was so loving and respectful and engaging that things got better. I know the man I divorced was not the man I married and that I was allowed to be with someone who respects me.

It is the same for you, you are allowed to let go of your ex and most certainly you are not a weak person.

Only you know what's best for your with regards the court case, but I know just from reading your post that you are a strong person. It is not going to be easy, but by telling your story you are showing how strong you are as you are not hiding in the corner like a meek mouse, you are standing like a tiger and defending yourself.

Stay strong and keep fighting you can do this. Whatever happens make sure it is what you want to do, no one else just your decision.

Take care. Xx

[fauxartist in reply to 20Voices]

Wow that was very powerful and extremely courageous of you for standing your ground and not letting that SOB get away with yet again, another thing damaging to you. You kept your dignity and you’re very brave...and it's incredibly hard to do that when in a court situation. I hope now you have some peace and happiness in your life. It's a long, long recovery from abuse, and I think it always leaves scars no one else but those of us who have survived it know they are there.

[Marshall64]

Maybe you could write down what you would want to say in court. It might help you organize your thoughts and help so that you don't forget points that you want to bring up.

I'm sorry that there are women here that have had bad relationships which now creates trust issues. There are plenty of men out there that treat women respectfully and would never think of abusing women.

[fauxartist in reply to Marshall64]

I agree Marshall....we have a lovely young man here still with us at the home, ...and because he has had women I think being there for him, strong women who show him that we all should be treated with respect....he is going to, and already is really, one of the good guys with women......he'll be a really great dad too....he wants kids. eventually....I always kid him that he will have at least two girls...and each one will be just like one of his sisters....ahhhh!....just kidding he says....he loves his sisters.