I can’t go on.

[legallystressed]

My (ex?) boyfriend is ghosting me. My work life is a mess I mess everything up. I can’t even function at work most days. My family hates me and ignores me. I literally have nothing in my life. A new bad thing happens every day. The only good thing about a day passing is it’s a day closer to my death. But with my luck I’ll live another 50 years. I have no will to live and I can’t take it anymore. I honestly don’t even know why I’m writing this. I guess i was hoping writing it down would make me feel better but I doubt it.

[fauxartist]

You’re writing this because you have a place full of people who understand, and will listen to you....I do know what it's like to feel: 'If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all'.....believe me I do. I am myself in a bit of a pickle...and I have to find a 'work around'...because it is the elephant in the living room. I have to look at myself and figure out what I can do to change my attitude towards that elephant....do I keep ignoring the fact that I'm miserable having to be around it....or do I change 'ME'....and what I am doing.

When my depression hits rock bottom as it has recently....that abyss is a deep and dark place to be in....and when I wrote about it here...little flickers of light started lighting a path to find my way out....that light was from the comments people here to me....and I knew I was going to beat this thing.

I am reluctant to talk about my really close personal stuff, I do share a lot about me personally, that’s okay....but how else am I just going to get past what is really at the heart of my unhappiness unless I let it all out. I am just like everyone else as you are too, legallystressed...you’re not alone with this.

Have you been diagnosed with depression, are you in therapy or on medication. Have you tried alternative methods to try and deal with your depression? It's a chemical deficiency in your brain, and sometimes we are depressed and there does not have to be a reason why, we just are....and we need help.

[legallystressed in reply to fauxartist]

I’ve been diagnosed with depression anxiety BPD and PTSD. Been in treatment for 6 years and I still want to die almost every day. I just don’t think I’m meant to be I don’t even want to say happy because I don’t expect that, but I guess not in pain all the time? I’ve been fighting for so long I don’t feel I have anything left and I don’t want to fight anymore

[Hidden in reply to legallystressed]

You are special! There is only 1 you!!! If you need to vent go for it!! Get it out & you may just find you feel a little better!!! Love & Hugs!!! XXX

[Hidden in reply to legallystressed]

i relate to this so much. i may not be of any help but just know that you are not alone.

[Hidden]

You have us

[legallystressed in reply to Hidden]

I’m not sure apparently my post got reported multiple times for “offensive” language. Apparently I can’t even post correctly. Just made me feel worse.

[fauxartist in reply to legallystressed]

Most importantly is....do you think you have suicidal ideation....that's a fixation and not necessarily wanting to follow through kind of compulsive thinking. And if your feeling this every single day....then medication may not be working for you and certainly your therapist isn't. Or you would have hopefully changed by now....just know that it's 'You' that has to make these choices to change what you don't like in your life. Try a different therapist....find a good fit....

if your worried about having your post banned...then just use;

'*^&%"£'....instead of '*&(^%'.....and then that will appease the powers that be, and all those who live in a world where there is no cursing.

[legallystressed in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you for that. I was really taken aback by that. My therapist calls it suicidal ideation yea I don’t have a plan, mostly bc I’m scared of the pain or that I’ll fail at that too and then be brain damaged or something. So I just feel trapped

[fauxartist in reply to legallystressed]

yeah....it's a good thing to be afraid of too....I have first hand knowledge of a failed attempt from when I was in college....a young woman didn't want to go back to her country which oppressed women's freedoms, so she took an overdose of pills. It stopped circulation in both her legs...and you can guess the rest...so no.....for that reason alone it's a deal breaker.

What has your therapist recommended to so about the ideation?

[legallystressed in reply to fauxartist]

Like distract myself or use cbt for the underlying reasons. But sometimes it doesn’t work

[fauxartist in reply to legallystressed]

then you need to be sure and tell your therapist exactly that....if you like this person and trust them....really get into it with them.....tell them you need a more effective direction to cope with this thinking....and if they are unable to help you, ask them to refer you to a clinician that may be more knowledgeable in this area and may have better coping tools to offer you.

[Stilltrying_ in reply to legallystressed]

I can so relate to this. It is awful. I am in the same boat; frightened it will fail and I feel completely trapped too.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Great one faux!!! You give such great advice! XXX

[Hidden in reply to legallystressed]

I've caught S**t from people who cant take a joke trying to lighten up a subject. You either laugh or cry, it's not my fault for trying to make light of the situation.

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

what do you mean Dave?.....

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

That even though we are speaking out without a filter on our issues (which is why we talk here) people will misconstrue what you say.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I think some are very sensitive...don't take it personally!!! Have a beautiful day!!! XXX

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

I know that happens Dave...as anxiety_59 says...some are more sensitive...and we are all at varying stages of our disease...some see everything as a threat, or read something into what is being said that was not there at all. It happens, but most will get what you’re saying.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Right on faux!!! XXX