Can anyone relate??

[Tired5339]

Hi everyone. I am new here and really don’t know how to do this. All I know is that I need a people to talk to that understand what I am going through.

I have been battling what I think is depression. Not 100% sure but it’s that feeling of loneliness, worthlessness, not wanting to talk to anyone, feeling that I’m better off gone or hoping and praying that my life be taken away cause I can’t handle this feeling anymore.

I never used to feel this way. I think it started happening after I got married, ironically I am still married to the same man after 18 years. He’s an all around great guy to everyone around him except me. There are times he can be sweet but most of the time he can be condescending and just make me feel worthless.

I noticed that my moods would change after I married him. I became short tempered and irritable. Sometime I over react emotionally and people get turned off by it. I never used to be this way. I never used to be this unpleasant person. I believe in God but I just never felt that he loved me as much as the people around me. And I’m not blaming him. I just want the pain to go away. The loneliness and worthlessness.

[Madysen019]

Hello, you are not alone. I too feel this way often and it does sound like some symptoms of depression. I suggest you talk to your doctor about your symptoms

[Hidden]

Yes, I agree with Madysen that you need to contact your doctor for help. If your husband tears you down instead of building you up, I’m sorry, but I don’t see the attraction. You shouldn’t place all the blame on him though. It’s each person’s responsibility to learn how to get rid of the negative self-talk (which is hard to do) and develop a healthy sense of self. I’m not minimizing your situation, and I can definitely empathize with you. I work very hard to squash the negative self-talk every time it tries to surface, and it will resurface again and again. I’m afraid that it’s a life-long battle. We can be victorious! Make an appointment with your doctor and begin a new chapter in your journey through life! Wishing you the best!

[Hidden]

I think your depression symptoms are understandable if your husband is degrading you. Who would be happy in that situation? I think it is a normal reaction considering your circumstances.

[1OshunDreamer]

I can relate. I agree with the others, you need to talk to your doctor immediately. You sound like you have some depression issues and need help for that asap. Are you sure you have become an unpleasant person or is that your husband making you feel that way?

[Angevine]

Well..I married a man 58 yrs ago thinking life would be a fairy tale....and it has been far from it.After moving from my native country in no time I realize he lied and cheated....but unfortunately I with 2 little children and no income I had to remain.Now the man I married has dementia and I take care of the man would made me cry rivers.A daughter with cancer.Today I feel like my life is an empty bowl and I really cannot find joy in any day.

[lovetodance2018 in reply to Angevine]

I am sorry to hear about your struggles. I hope you take time for yourself and not always focus on the things hurting in your life. It is important for you to have support. Do you see a counselor? It sounds like you need healing from the hurts of the past from your husband. There are support groups for people who have spouse with dementia and family members battling cancer, especially through local churches. This group might be able to help you find some support group in your area - bit.ly/2DS3v7S

We tend to have strong holds in our life that hold us back for experiencing joy in our life. This article I think will help you in looking into how to regain some joy in your life. bit.ly/2IJTuYL

I will be praying for you. Know there are people who love and care for you and don't want to see you hurting. Please continue to reach out on this forum. We want to love, support and encourage you. Hugs!

[lovetodance2018]

Welcome to this site. We are happy you are here and know you have a safe place to share. You are not alone and there are others here who care and want to support and encourage you.

I have a similar story. I met my husband at 17, married at 21, and we had our first daughter at 26. My husband was very controlling. Over the years he would take his frustration out on me without realizing it and would say very hurtful things. Very rarely was he physical with me, but his words were abusive. It took me going through PPD and severe depression to realize the affect his actions were having on me. I learned that verbal abuse is a real thing and I needed help and we needed help as a couple. It took me over 20 years to learn how to stand up for myself and not allow him to treat me poorly. That I need to be respected and I am important. I would recommend you consider counseling for yourself and your husband. This online counseling group is great resource for guiding you to the help you need. bit.ly/2DS3v7S This is also a great article to understand how his words are affecting you and steps you need to take. bit.ly/2FnGDhN

My husband and I through pray and counseling are doing really well now. We are married 27 years. It took me learning to stand up for my rights for the healing to begin.

God loves you and wants the best for you and your husband. Sometimes, our lives go off the wrong path, but God will help us get back on track with the help we need.

I will be praying for you and please keep us update on how you are doing.

Hugs.