Here we go again

[Shanm2]

I have previously spoken about my alcoholic mother, i had a lot of great responses and support and most importantly understanding.

The title i have chose "here we go again" is a reference to my mother going on another binge yet again. I know all to well that i'm powerless in these situations and that unfortunately there is nothing i can do in times like these, and so the thoughts goes around and around in my head.

My mother refuses to go home, where she has children being looked after, but not by her, Dont get me wrong, she is a wonderful mother, when sober.

i know where she is, i could sit here or i could go to where she, the end result is just the same. She doesnt want to go home because she will have to face up to what she has done, the guilt. instead she wants to stay where she is and sit with her selfishness and self pity with a can of beer.

So here we go again. Not knowing what to do.

[fauxartist]

I understand your resentment...and anger at her for not being there for you, and you feeling she has chosen drinking over caring for her children. But I want you to know, she really is 'Sick'....she has a disease....alcoholism......this does not excuse her abandonment, or her actions in anyway....even as alcoholics....we have the choice to drink or not. It's not easy to get sober and harder to stay sober...but sadly....she has to make the choice. It's not because it's your fault, or that she does not love you, or even that she prefers drinking over loving her children....she's an alcoholic. You cannot guilt trip her, or force her to get sober....only she can do that. I'm so very sorry you’re going through this and would encourage you to maybe contact Alanon and go to their website....al-anon.org/for-members/gro...

I know your mother needs help, but you and your siblings need it more right now. There is long term emotional damage caused by this family disease, and my heart breaks for all of you suffering because of this terrible disease. So please take care of yourself....and contact this site or any others you find to help you survive this.

You will hopefully learn coping skills and other tips how to take back your life, and circumvent the alcoholic, and find a way to live your life the best you can.

[Shanm2 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you for your reply and understanding at this difficult time.

[fauxartist in reply to Shanm2]

It's a horrible time for you.....of course you love your mother, but you also need help to cope with her drinking. Don’t hate her, hate this disease..I hope you do check out the Alanon for teens, and young adult’s web site..I am a recovering alcoholic....and I did not have kids around when I was actively drinking. I was much younger at the time. I have been sober for a couple of decades now and I know the insidiousness of it, and how all those around you can suffer because of this disease, it does not discriminate....it affects anyone with it. It's not a choice to become an alcoholic; you don't just become one...this disease is no different than choosing to have depression or heart disease. Your chemistry dictates whether you are, or are not going to have addiction. You can get help to get sober and stay sober, but the alcoholic, but like I said, has to make that choice to get sober....but you have to move on with your life.

[Hidden]

Honestly , I don’t think there’s much you can do except attend A-Anon meetings where you will meet live people who completely understand what you’re going through. They teach you how to take care of yourself and what to do. You could also try tough love with your Mother. I’m sincerely hoping you can find a way that’s acceptable to you to deal with your Mother. Sending you hugs!!

[Rpan]

Your mother is unable to care for herself now, so those children shouldn’t be around her. I hope authorities are involved.

[AZ1970]

My dad was an alcoholic. I can relate. It sounds like your mom needs help. Who is taking care of her children? I know you say she is a good mom when she is sober. But she is not being a good mom when she goes out on binges. Her children must feel scared. Do your best not to enable her. This is her illness and she is responsible for the consequences, whatever they may be. Addicts don't feel the weight of regular consequences because they are numbing their pain. Therefore, bigger consequences are often needed to assist them in seeing they need help.

Most of all, take care of yourself. Do something special for you. Don't allow her illness to control what kind of day you create for yourself. Easier said than done, I know. Hang in there.