Working with my spouse

[Fishinjay]

I am diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and although not diagnosed, I suspect my wife has the same. I frustrate my wife with my anxiety. I dont think she recognizes it or understands it. She gets mad at me because she says I'm acting weird. I often don't recognize the anxiety in myself at that point, but as she gets more annoyed with me it tends to trigger my depression. I'm on medication that helps me, but clearly it doesn't make me normal. I don't know own how to talk to her about this. She seems to think I'm just lazy or weak. When I talk about depression or anxiety she says she understands but I feel like she thinks I'm making excuses. I feel lost,and sad that another marriage is failing. I really have no idea what to do.

[SA192461]

😢I’m losing my husband of almost 30 years for the same reason. I so can relate to what you are saying. Said he understood but I guess he didn’t. So sorry for us both. I hope you can keep your marriage together.

[Rpan]

It sounds like she is feeling you are not holding up your end of the bargain. You may need to define the roles within the relationship. ( who does what) create a honey to do list! This will help both of you as you can knock things off the list and feel accomplished. Get practical about shared responsibilities. You may need to take more on than you have been which may create some anxiety, that’s ok, you can use this forum to help you through that process. As far as being annoyed, express those frustrations but keeping the focus on your feelings. It can be enough to say “ I’m annoyed” don’t hide or keep this feelings in. I used many you statements here, sorry about that, it’s really just some advice so please don’t take offense.

[Hidden]

Hi!

I’m having some of the same issues. It’s time for me to go back to work...I know that I’m not physically ready, but finances dictate it. I’m going to step up and go for it. I will pray for the courage and strength to get it done. Looming foreclosure demands it. I will do my very best. Taking on more responsibility at home is probably needed by you. It won’t kill you, it will just make you sleep better! I’m not trying to be harsh, just realistic. I understand. I’ve found if I do the things I don’t want to do, I feel really good for having done them! Baby steps! I’m hoping that your situation improves!!

[fauxartist]

I strongly recommend couples therapy....it puts a third person who is a professional in place to navigate the dialogue needed between you and your spouse. Even though we try to communicate with each other...sometimes we just can't seem to get past our own frustrations and resentments....to talk openly enough to resolve and gain some tools to understand our partner and how to not take on board their issues. Sometimes when we are too close we just need outside help.