A rant from someone who knows they unfortunately have a sense of entitlement

[Btsrslyffft]

After college(where I lived in dorms and apts.), I worked and lived on my own a few years. I had a very stressful job that I quit and later I moved home. I suffered with depression to the point I was getting suicidal but I slowly came out of it and got a job. I had the goal of buying a camper to live in after continuing to live at home while working for a year and saving up. (During my severe depression I learned being out in nature really helped me, living in an apt again might take me back to my alcoholic tv zombie days)At the end of that year I packed everything and drove 7000 miles to the state I wanted to live in with $10000 to buy a camper and quickly get a job. I had been using marijuana daily to help with anxiety and depression and also to eat (i think i had an ulcer but no health insurance for a doctor visit). I wanted to quit smoking MJ and knew I wouldnt know anyone to get it when I moved so I decided to quit cold turkey. (I had been trying to smoke less and less leading up to the trip.) Well guess who couldnt eat for days? Me! I was literally trying not to faint while I unloaded my storage units contents back into my van the same week I loaded it. I drove back(two days of driving) to my parents house and smoked-my dad smokes and would pick up for me when he was getting his. So dreams were crushed and i just lived off the $ Id saved over the winter, partially because i was depressed and partially because this winter set records for being the harshest and is it really worth i risking your life trying to get to work and not slide off the road?....I just thought Id wait till feb or march when not so hazardous....march came with my g-ma having to move in, she was at deaths door. I literally nursed her back to heath while mom was at work and thought i was doing what she wanted me to and she appreciated it. but one day my parents told me to get out of the house March 25 2018 and here I am with no job and no place to go....I sort of thought how dare them when I had clearly been helping g-ma (feeding her dressing her giving meds helping her get up from chairs etc) I tried to stop smoking and didnt have the stomach problem this time so could eat but fell into a depression where I didnt do anything...My dad literally has been giving me weed because without it Im so depressed i dont function. I got free, because im unemployed, health insurance and have been seeing a social worker doing therapy once a week and am going to see someone that prescribes meds in July. I really hope I can get off weed and be happy enough to function and also to be able to get the fudge out of here.(move out/change my living situation) My dad treats me like I am not worthy of any respect and with depression and anxiety and running out of $ its hard to do a good job job searching. All this is super ironic because he hasnt worked since he was 55 and he got fired for looking a porn while at work on his office computer and managed to work a couple of temp jobs before deciding he didnt need to work. He has been taking out of retirement early and probably is going to leave my mom with no savings when he dies...I just need to suck it up and get a job and get away from him. Its what is best for both of us but at this point Im content with him even dying...this has been a horrifyingly honest ramble and ive gotten the same amount of satisfaction from it that i get from my therapist that gas zero psychology training...its just nice to get out some stuff weather to a person being paid to listen or a forum online.....

[Stilltrying_]

Yes, well quite a lot going on there for you. I think it will have helped you just writing it out so I will not send a long reply and also partly because i'm not in a great state myself. But I do hope you can find a way for things to move forward positively and thank you for sharing your situation/story with us. Gemma X

[matahari in reply to Stilltrying_]

I hope you get better. Just being able to come here and write this down to read has helped more than anyone can know. Be well.

[Btsrslyffft in reply to matahari]

I appreciate it! Thanks for your reply

[Btsrslyffft in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thanks for your reply.