I’ve gotten some great advice

[Shutterbug65]

First I want to say thank you to all the kind people on this site for offering their help and understanding.

Last night I came home from work and didn’t see my cat Mango in her regular spot. I worry because she is old and suffers from kidney failure. I saw that she was eating so I sat in a chair watching her and I started to cry. I cried because I know I won’t have her that much longer, I cried because she’s my last pet and is all I have. And I cried because I miss Kathy so much, she was such a loving, caring and considerate person. And she loved animals and Mango is now the last one. I mentioned before that Kathy was my girlfriend and past in 2010 from a long illness. She was so smart and was going to become a veterinarian when she went to college back in the 80’s. She even had an academic scholarship. But she became very sick from uncontrolled diabetes and other related complications, and after several stays in the hospital she had to leave college. Her dream was never realized.

So I thought of all this and I cried.

I didn’t mention but I do engage in some self destructive behavior, mostly it’s just drinking, especially at night. It just makes me feel better, at least temporarily. My phychiatrist is not happy about it, but I guess she knows I’m not going to stop, regardless of her warnings. And I started smoking again ( a pack every three days ). I’m just not good at following advice. This has been the story of my life, not following advice.

So thanks for listening and providing your thoughts about loneliness and depression. And offering your own personal stories. Good luck to everyone. Some people deserve happiness, a good family and lots of friends. For others like me it usually ends up differently,but that’s my fault.

[Hidden]

You need to ease up on yourself...you're going through a very difficult time right now! Take care of you & be gentle to you! Love & Hugs!!! XXX

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I’ll try. I’m just so very afraid.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

The first step is the hardest! Just a hang in there....You can do this!!! You know that drinking is not the solution, it will make you more depressed! My son is an alcoholic...so sad watching him destroy his life! Now is the time to be strong as you can be!!! I'm here for you! Love & Peace!!!

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

I’m sorry to hear about your son. I know drinking is not the answer. I drink only 3 beers a night, it’s like a ritual. I’m so pathetically alone that it’s all I have to look forward to every evening. Relax have a few beers and watch some tv. My anxiety is very bad when I wake up and I take Doxepin to help me sleep,

You obviously have a lot of experience with alcohol because of your son, and I am very sorry.

Thank you for your response. Take care.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

I wish you all the best in this world! XXX

[dee_bells]

You deserve happiness just like anyone else. It’s ok to cry. Why don’t you journal about Kathy and even if you cry while doing it. Hopefully it will help. 😁

[Shutterbug65 in reply to dee_bells]

Thank you 🙏 That’s a good idea. I don’t know why I feel like this. It’s been eight years since her passing. I think I miss the life I had with her, and the wonderful feeling of knowing she loved me. Since then my anxiety, depression and isolation have slowly gotten worse. And I don’t know how much more I can take.

[dee_bells in reply to Shutterbug65]

Take that step towards getting better. You could still be grieving. Have you thought of grief counseling? You don’t have to forget Kathy you just have to learn a new way of living. Wishing you all the best.

[Susan512]

Hi Shutterbug, please take it easy on yourself it's not your fault what your body is going through, alcohol and cigarettes is not going to help you ( and it can be expensive ) and by the way cry if you need to it's ok, I have cry many times and sometimes it even calms me down

and please don't feel sorry for yourself, that's just your brain wanting to be different, I'm working on how I can change on how my brain thinks and it can be done......I'm always looking on my phone for different self help like The Anxiety Guy just Google it. We will get better it just takes time and keep on pushing for better health, will be FINE 💛💚💜❤🧡

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Susan512]

Thank you Susan, I left a reply. But I hit the wrong button. So it’s not addressed to anyone. It’s their though. Thanks.

[Hidden]

Sending you soothing wishes.

Things can improve, you will make them, when your ready

🌺🌼🌺🌼

Kind thoughts x

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Olivia. And as always I wish you a wonderful day. 🌹😊

I just feel like giving up sometimes. I’m tired of being like this. Like I mentioned in an earlier post the only people I interact with are those at work. So when I’m not working I’m completely alone. I just don’t know how to change things or even have the courage if I did.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

It gets to a stage wen we feel we have to do something

It’s amazing that the little bits of courage show through then.

And we do it..

Peace to you x

[Shutterbug65]

Thank you. I wish I could just wake up and not be consumed by anxiety, not be fearful to be with people. The only ones I see are the people I work with. I’ve been alone so long now. I just want it to end. All my life I feel like all I did was let people down. I’ll stop before this goes on to long.

Thank you I will look it up The Anxiety Guy.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

I listen to anxiety guys

😊

[Shutterbug65]

Thank you 🌹