There's something odd going on with my sister since a few days. She's behaving very cranky and gets agitated in even simple of the things. I don't know what's exactly bothering her and making her behaviour so irritating. I tried talking it out with her but she just refuses to admit that she has been behaving this way.
I'm quite worried as of how things will work out once she will be out in the college in 2 months, if this is how her behaviour remains.
A few weeks ago, she cried a lot mentioning that she's fed up with the environment in our house. I pacified her but she kept crying. I let her cry as much as she wanted to since this was the best I could support her at that time. She wanted to let out certain things and she must, otherwise her mental health will suffer.
But what is happening to her all of a sudden that not even a basic conversation lands the right way. She's all good and normal, then suddenly you say something general which doesn't even directs/points at her but involves her in some way or the other, she'll get agitated.
Worries me a lot.
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God-sFavourite
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Your response made me feel connected ❣️I'll answer all of your questions one by one in a serial order of asking.
1. I'm going to move out of the house to another city in 2 months approximately. I'll join a hospital there.
My sister is going to move out to another city for college around the same time as I.
2. She didn't mention any specific fears as such. However, we do chat during the night time, quite often and almost everytime the conversation lasts until 4 am. That too we have to force ourselves to stop since it's impossible for us to sleep after that.
The chat has the same topic everytime - the house, it's environment and how it has affected our being.
3. She has some anxiety issues as far as I can observe.
Sometimes when the brain is not able to handle the pressure and it becomes too overwhelming, it starts sending pain signals to the body where certain parts of the body start to act like they've been injured (as in an accident) and there is severe bout of pain which might last from a few seconds to minutes. In more severe pressure, it can last upto days.
This happened with her last year. Since I'm a newbie in this field, I didn't know something of that sort could happen so I took her to a Neurologist, who after multiple treatments diagnosed her with the above.
I've told her that she needs therapy and she has never said No to it. She has seen me taking some so maybe that's why but I don't know how she feels about it deep down inside.
Even my mental health is screwed up now. I'm myself waiting for the moment to move so that I can help both of us but I'm tensed that the way things are escalating with her, she doesn't get ruined mentally as I did, back during my time.
Personally I would stick to asking her whats going on. Ask why she is feeling this way. You've potentially already did that. Emotional pain can almost seemingly be random for no reason. Undiagnosed disorder. Hidden trauma. Trauma in general. If she potentially fears telling you. Let her know that its ok to talk about certain emotions. Be understanding as in listening carefully to every word. I had trauma that I personally was unaware of for 22 years that I relived when I was 14. It was traumatization from before I was aware of memory. Before 5.
I've suffered a ton of neglect and abandonment. Those feelings to me are almost like they're dialed up tenfold. Literally a slight perception of one of those emotions or social interaction triggers me and can literally send me into a blind state of emotion. Either it be fear, anger, or disabling depression. From my understanding overreaction can be a lot of things. The triggers can actually cause me to have memory loss of the activity I'm doing at the time.
Secondly. Try to get her a therapist if she isn't already doing therapy. Someone who could begin getting an idea. Especially if she is going to school soon. She will need the support and you're doing well as from what I can understand. Stick to it. She hopefully will open up soon.
Such a warm reply Matt 🫂Thank you for taking out your time to understand where I'm coming from.
Some injuries never heal. The scars are always left behind to remind us of the trauma we dealt with and the pain we experienced thereafter.
Nevertheless, she isn't doing therapy as of now. My parents, especially mom, doesn't like it! While I was on therapy and treatment, I was made to stop therapy forcefully. Only I know, how I stick to the medications.
So she would never allow us to take therapy again which is why I'm waiting for the time to move out.
It would take some 2 months and there are some arrangements to make. Both me and my sister will be in 2 different cities, 2 months from now so I'll have to connect with her, take her with me initially atleast and some other things.
Certain things need to be figured out at personal level and then I'll be able to get her some professional help.
That's messed up. I'd go anyway. Screw what they think. My parents pulled that same stunt with assumptions and personal issues. They live miserable and isolated now. Non of their kids talk to them including me. In my eyes that is unacceptable and they lack understanding. Tbh they sound like the problem. Especially with your sister. Parents have more affect on their kids in a magnitude of ways. My mother was on opiates shortly after I was born because of lupus. I never learned to be around others. I never learned how to do anything and I taught myself everything. Sorry if this a harsher response. This type of stuff actually triggers my PTSD. No parents has the right to prevent you from doing anything. I live in America. From your profile, India culturally is significantly different from where I live. so I'm not going to pretend I know what I'm talking about. Although I believe no culture or beliefs of another should control anything of us. We're all people with the right to what we want to do with our lives. Its what makes us special. We control our behavior no one else in this world has that right. Sounds like you parents have an insecurity about their own minds. I'd talk to them about their disregard for your guy's needs. A person even a parent is fallible and they're not special. They're just people who gave birth to us. How they raise us is whats makes them important either its bad or good. That should determine your relationship with them. A loving relationship is a relationship where one person like parents or spouse understands each other and make changes that harm. My own parents refuse. But me. I don't want to be like them even slightly. I'm changing myself because I love my daughter. Because I love my wife. Not just for my own happiness. But for living. To teach my daughter on how to be a person not a robot that assumes everyone elses thoughts
What you need and what your sister needs. You're parents have no say in anything for you. They should be supporting you. Not preventing you from understanding yourself as a human and so does your sister.
Always remember you have access to online sources to teach you to be your own sorta therapist. Like on YouTube. There's different things you can find that bypass restrictions like a parental figure. Sorry this was so long and potentially jumbled. I'm at work and this is something that genuinely bothers me out of trauma.
Maybe you guys can try out some inner child work. Figure out what could be wrong. Especially when it comes to childhood trauma. I believe its healthy for any person to do it no matter what. Face the fear and figuring out acceptance and moving on. Be strong.
You are right about most of the things. Can't agree more. Certain things happened in the past month that we weren't expecting at all. How the people who gave birth to you and raised you can be revengeful?
Until you are useful to them, they are sweet otherwise all the world's cuss is upon us.
There was a curtain in front of my eyes which started to shed around 13 years back to be precise. I was just a child back then. Maybe 12 or 13. The emotions were too much to handle and broke me down to an extent that I fell into depression. I took treatment against everybody's will 2 years back. It lasted for 2.5 years almost and now in a few months I'm back to ground zero!
I couldn't digest back then that my people had those fakeness with everyone around. The fake aura!!
Same thing happened with my sister. The curtain dropped and she was unable to handle it.
Sounds like your parents are the problem. I'm not a doctor. I will make that very clear. But having CPTSD. Trauma comes in all forms. Guilt, shame, fear, anger, hate, rage, sadness, helplessness, and stress in general. My fear of loss, rejection and abandonment prevented me from achieving what I wanted. Screw them. You don't need them if they can't understand either of you. Being controlling and trying to use you is bad behavior. Unacceptable. I'd say confront them about it with sadness, honesty, and tell them exactly what they're actions and past actions did to you both. Worst thing they can do is say no. Or not even listen. But they can't harm you as far as I know. They're just two beings stuck in their head who probably had past trauma involving the same emotions. Lots of families are that way.
I grew up in a family that was dysfunctional amd angry with a dying mother and a father who was incompetent in his parenting. Yelling and physical punishing us. I broke a vase onetime and he literally whipped me as hard as he could with a belt. I think I was 3 or 4 and it was so traumatic I remember it image wise. I see it everytime I see a belt come out. The memory anyway. Feeling ostracized carried on into my school years and eventually healing. But when I was 14 my parents pull the same stunt they pulled every few years and moved. Except my brothers all moved out. I was alone and isolated reliving that isolation trauma from being a kid. My trauma is based on not being heard, parents that disregard their kids as people, isolation, rage, and accidentally harming who I care about. Especially in misunderstanding. I also have a friend who was diagnosed with it. Her triggers are shame and guilt. My parents never did that too me. But what they did was make decisions "for me" acting like they knew what I needed. My parents are strangers to me. I'm not joking. Ever since I was a kid I know nothing about them. They never even tried to understand me and I never learned about them. They're just two old people who gave birth to me in their mid 40s.
I almost died because of those two, because they were consumed by their faith, and ego. I loved my parents, and I tried to talk to them. But they're too far gone from cognitive decline and ego. They're not people to me anymore.
Sad as I am to say it. I'm glad they're out of my life. As far as I'm concerned they died long ago. With their personalities controlled by fakeness and trauma.
I believe you're strong enough to move on and get past this. Especially with that attitude. No one in this world has any right to make us feel bad about ourselves. F*k them. Lol. It's awful that some of us have to deal with others that act like children. Because they have such massive egos and are controlled by instincts like an animal with a mask because "thats what a perfect human looks like". Why I don't like united states culture lol. You never want to meet a hero because they're fallible just like all of us.
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Also best way to counter revenge is by denying it through a reaction they didn't expect. They will probably lose it. They just sound like bullies in a mask. Just keep cool and calm.
Revenge as a parent is so childish. That actually amazes me that someone could actually think that towards their child. Not even my parents did that or most other stories I've heard.
I've made my mind to restrict my contact with them slowly and gradually. It's not possible for me to shun the relation. As of now, I can't think of it as a possibility.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to do this since I love them and they too, love me but with certain boundaries, maybe, if that's the correct word to use for them.
I need to keep some boundaries though. That's the need of the time for sure.
I tried talking it out to them multiple times and even said them on face that "You are losing your children."
All in vain though.
I don't know how life takes turn in the upcoming future but if the situation doesn't settle for good, the boundaries will increase their circumference from my side since that's the only option that I am left with for my good, I guess.
Boundaries are good. It was the same with me. After my parents kicked me out at 18 while still in highschool. Lol especially during a pandemic. I floated back to them. Visiting them. But I noticed in myself that every passing day. It felt like I got worse. Especially with their wild beliefs. They we're poison to me. Slowly scooting away is a good idea. Maybe its a form of CBT. Instead of ripping the painful bandage you Slowly take it off under water or something. Slowly desensitize yourself to the idea of leaving. The more you try to open up to them about your problems with them and they can't accept it. Reveals the cover. Reveals who they really are. When I told my parents they got super defensive and lashed back with Illrationale excuses and countered all original logic at the time of the decision. Its interesting because one thing I noticed they did was make it all about themselves. Even though they caused trauma so severe I struggle to speak. They were like. "We we're struggling to pay bills" or some bs. Even though they have social security payments that is twice what I make now and I survive fine. They moved into a trailer to travel the country because it was their dream. Despite still having the responsibility of taking care of a 14 year old with his own dreams.
The day where you separate yourself from them and become independent controlling your own feelings and things you know you can handle. You will feel better with time. For me sometimes it can almost feel like im getting worse. Leaving my parents was the best decision I ever made. Today I'm taking care of a 2 year old where she is already a better human being than I ever was and now. She does things that I never felt comfortable doing. Saying her feelings. Doing breathing techniques. My parents never did anything like that with me. I essentially was their Teddy bear for comfort when they needed it.
I read that you working on being a doctor. Something like that. I think you will do great on your own. Also sounds like you're working hard at taking good care of helping your sister. Makes me happy hearing that.
Relationship and your own needs are everything in life. Even if some people don't realize it. Whats the meaning of life if you can't share it will friends and family.
Good job on make the hard decisions. It will get easier. There is always a findable family. Thats who my wife and daughter are. They keep me alive.
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