First post

[Jysm1018]

I stumbled on this page just browsing for options. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’ve recently lost two extremely close friends I the same night. That was the cherry on top of what is currently my life. I have so many things that continue to pile and change right now.

I honestly never really believed that someone is actually depressed. When friends come to me to talk about their situations and their depression, I listen. I support. Still thinking that all they need to do is focus on the positive.

I’ve come to realize that it’s much easier said than done. I’m no longer in control of my emotions. They will randomly overtake me and I can not get it to stop. I’ve lost all interest in everything. I no longer eat or sleep. It’s starting to take effect on my physical health.

I’ve spoken to my primary doctor about this and she and I are in the process of finding a the right psychiatrist for me. Again, I’m still not sure if that’s the way to go. And the recent encounters with the psychiatrists have only discouraged me further. They all seem to only focus on time, money, insurances. I get that this is their profession and they too must make a living, but shouldn’t you feel like they actually want to help? Like they actually care about you?

I’m still actively looking but it’s been a few weeks with only let downs.

I’m now having suicidal thoughts and their are starting to occur more frequently. The worst part about those thoughts and moments is that I know that I don’t have the “courage”, if that’s the right word to use, to even do it.

I just no longer know what to do.

[Hidden]

Well welcome to this site! I'm glad you don't have the courage to kill yourself as that is not the solution to the problem. I'm so sorry you have lost your 2 friends!! I'm here for you anytime!!! Big hug for you!!! XXX

[mdowning81]

I am so sorry about the loss of your friends. I am also new to this sight and relatively new to the world of anxiety and depression, I had small flare ups when I was younger but would usually pass within a week this bout has been going on since the beginning of March. How long have you been going through yours? Has your Dr started you on any medications? Also I'm not sure where you are located but where I am psychiatrists and therapists are very different. I learned this the hard way, I waited almost two months to get into a psychiatric thinking they would help me to start to unwind the mess of my brain and when I got there he let me know that he was just there to manage my medications and that if I needed armed change he could help but if I needed to talk more I probably needed to see a counselor or therapist, my whole appointment lasted about ten minutes. I am now seeing a therapist which is helping some but it still a lot of hard work and I have a long ways to go to get back to where I want to be. Posting on here is a great place to start, it really seems to help me to communicate with people that are experiencing the same things or have experienced the same things and found a way through. Just be careful that when you are on these sights that you are looking for improvement, it can be easy to fall into a cycle of rumination and focusing on only others negative experiences making it seem like there is no way out.

[Jysm1018]

I’ve always had depressing thoughts as a kid. I grew up in a very strict and religious household and my lifestyle was and is not acceptable. But I always try to be a positive person.

Currently I just can seem to be positive about anything anymore.

I’m I’m in south Florida and my primary doctor is helping me in my search. With only discouraging encounters