First Time Posting. Looking for Peace

[najenks1]

Hello everyone. This is my first post. I'm not ok and I haven't been since May of 2020. I didn't seek help and instead just buried the feelings I had deep down. I did this until March of 2021 when I was diagnosed with depression and put on Lexapro. Fast forward to June of this year and I was told some devastating news by my wife that broke me and sent my spiraling. She has developed feelings for another man and has had them since April. We've been married for 10 years. I no longer know what to feel. I'm hurting, angry, feel betrayed, sad, helpless and hopeless. On Monday I decided to start therapy finally and officially have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety with low self esteem and panic attacks. Right now everything seems dark and bleak and I really hope I make it out ok. I haven't had a single of night peace it what feels like forever. All I have are negative thoughts that never cease. It's so hard to do this.

[jimmyemmany]

Hello, it is a little step towards improvement that makes the big difference in our lives. You have to understand that in order to grow you need to be consistent and believe that you will definitely find amazing people that will support you because we all need one another to pull through 👍🏽

[Agora1]

I'm sorry that you are hurting so much but I'm glad you took a step forward

in reaching out for help. I'm glad you will be starting professional therapy on Monday

as well as coming here to get the support you need from people going through the same

issues. Hearing from others you know understand your emotional pain can help you

feel so not alone. I'm happy that you are here with us najenks1.

I'd like to Welcome you to an amazing forum. We care xx

[Hidden]

When you say you "officially have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety with low self esteem and panic attacks," remember, those are diagnosises for what is going on today. It's not like being diagnosed with some deadly disease that is with you forever.

Your marriage issues feel devastating and are, for now, but life will go on and you will get better. Stay with the therapy and the search for the right antidepressant combination. It does take time to sort itself out but you will get there.

[1303abion in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for this: " It's not like being diagnosed with some deadly disease that is with you forever." I really needed to remember that today.

[sadumbrella]

This is a dark time for you. Don't feel alone. It sometimes helps to think about life as a set of highs and lows. Everyone has them. This one is especially low, perhaps the lowest you have felt your whole life, but know that everyday you are getting closer to the next high. Nothing is permanent. You are strong enough to get through this with the help you are giving yourself. The grief of loosing a partner comes in waves. Some days will be better than other but after some time this will seem more doable. Time heals everything. This too shall pass.

[EndUser13]

Hello and welcome 🙂 You've found a great place, there are lots of friendly people here who really listen and can offer some great advice.

It sounds like you've had quite a lot thrown at you, I'd imagine anyone would feel depressed in your shoes. As hard as this is and overwhelming as it may seem, give yourself some credit for taking the appropriate action. Medication can be a guessing game but you might find something useful. Therapy should give you a chance to get stuff off of your chest, hopefully, it'll offer some good methods for coping with these overwhelming feelings when you are at your lowest. You're doing something productive to care for yourself, this is worth noting!

I've always had a difficult time getting to sleep and staying asleep. Perhaps that's not so much of an issue to you as quieting your mind when the world itself is getting quiet. I have found a lot of help in writing out my thoughts, not simply focusing on anxiety or negative things, but what happened in the day as well as things I am grateful for. I've heard of 'journaling' being a useful tool for a great number of people, it's something to consider. Best of luck

[libragirl73]

I totally can relate to the end of your marriage triggering additional anxiety with negative responses. Same thing happened to me over 17 years ago. I spiraled as well. I am still here and fight every day with anxiety depression. I can have the running negative thoughts as well and I try to avoid them by doing many things. Journaling, watching a funny movie, praying (if that is for you) and even exercising in some facet can help. Therapy will definitely help you, it is a way to speak to someone who can objectively give you guidance and validate your feelings as this forum will do. Take everything one day at a time, if that is too long, one hour at a time. I know it can be frustrating as it has been for me, but you are now doing the very best you can do for yourself. You are getting help. I wish you all the best and hope and pray that peace comes to you very soon.

[Gerrymoise]

Hello, it sounds like you have a lot going on right now. If you can, focus on getting through short periods so tell yourself you are going to be okay till mid morning, then lunchtime etc. Looking too far ahead can be overwhelming. Talk to people and say you are struggling.

[1303abion]

Dear friend, I wish you a fast recovery. I want you to know that what you are experiencing is something that almost all of us here have felt or currently feel. To enter the endless spiral of negative thoughts, one chained to the other, where there seems to be no way out, where you think you will be feeling that way forever unless something or someone takes the pain out of you... I was / am there. I But please, remember, this is just a tough stage, these are challenges, but the mere fact of asking for help, going to therapy, and sharing it in this space, speaks of your desire to be well, to want to move forward. Little by little, you will recover your tools for dealing with this, those that you have in yourself to be well. At the same time, you will be making new tools.

Hang in there. Eat healthy, drink water, take your meds, talk to your therapist as many times as you can / is necessary. Lean on friends. Go for walks. You're not alone!

[Sajy86]

So much good advice here already. You have done the right things. They will help in time. The biggest thing for me at the beginning was trusting the process, this won't last forever.

Be kind to yourself. Listen to the voice in your head, are you beating yourself up? Try speaking to yourself as you would a child, gentle encouragement gets better results than a bully.

Lastly, try just go with the flow. You will feel bad. And thats OK. It will pass. But try not to get into negative thought cycles about your mood - I do this when I'm spiralling. I typically feel bad (due to illness/a life event) then beat myself up for feeling bad, then feel worse, beat myself up more. And round and round it goes! Don't punish yourself anymore than you need to. Perhaps your therapist will work on this with you. On that....make sure you find a good therapist. I tried a few before I found one that worked for me. Once I had gone over all my issues I talking therapy I needed more practical CBT tools I could apply to life. Dont be afraid to change therapists if you need something different.

Good luck with your recovery

[najenks1]

I just want to say that I'm very thankful for everyone here and the support. For too long I've felt so alone and it's comforting to know that there are others like me. I'm just beginning my journey to fighting this depression so it's hard for me to see the outcome when all I've known is darkness. But I truly appreciate all the words from everyone and the encouragement

[DodgeDhanda]

Hi Najenks, I feel ur pain brother & as hard as it was to take & to hear ,at least ur now ex had enough respect for you to tell you the truth, I found out from my ex wife's own friends that she was cheating behind my back & then she was still at it when she walked out on me & the kids !! Did u have any children ?.

All of those negative thoughts & feeling you had are OK to feel & when you've hit rock bottom & when ur ready ..... The only way is up baby ( that sounds like it could be a song that does ) .

I'm glad u have sort professional guidance & that's all a therapist is , A Guide. It's you who needs & has to do all the hard work & here in England I got 4 free sessions with a therapist & she did nothing & it was me who did all the talking & the doing & the changing & so after those sessions j started to research & see how I could affect change within myself for myself & I can say to you with work EVERYDAY you will teach urself to be a better person for you & not anyone else.

Now for me it was a great solo project & that way I didn't need to worry about not upsetting any one as my kids knew what I was doing & they were happy for me to be a better me & I found that it's one hell of a journey & even when u think u got it beaten you STILL need to work on ur wellbeing everyday & it will be for possibly the rest of ur days like I will need to for the rest of mine. So in short YES THERE IS A BRIGHT LIGHT OUT THERE IN THE DARK & the more you work on ur own mental wellbeing & the more strides you make going forward the light gets bright BUT it's not plain sailing & u may have some setbacks but u just get up & go again & then u can be mentally living in the light everyday & the darkness will be blocked out .

It's a long hard journey & if u need to bounce of me or others in the group do so as we all need that helping hand to make wiser choices.

GOOD LUCK.

[Sleeplessme]

Welcome to the group! We are pretty much all in a similar boat to you, or have been. It's great that you have called out for help and that you're getting councilling.Obviously your problems are things that need to be dealt with, but deal with them you can. The hurt may never go away but it will definitely become manageable eventually.

As for the anxiety... For me and many others here understanding the physicalities is a massive step towards recovery. Meaning, that all the things you feel that go along with the anxiety and panic attacks ... Understanding that and therefore managing the fear.

No one has mentioned it yet, but look up Dr Claire Weekes. And check out a very recent post by jeff1943 😁

[chaoticjoy3]

I am so sorry you are facing this........ Depression and anxiety are so hard, I pray that you find peace in the days ahead. You are taking the right steps, and we are here to listen and support you in any way we can, but therapy is going to help. It is a difficult step to take, but you did it, don't lose sight of what a courage step this is. Do you have family and friends to support you through this? If so, lean on them, let them help you through it.......