I still have never had a boyfriend and I am almost 33... I’m slowly watching my desire to have a family slip through my fingers. I am in so much pain...
Very sad today: I still have never had... - Anxiety and Depre...
Very sad today
56 Replies
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I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Keep up the faith , you're still young enough...you never know what tomorrow will bring your way! Stay Strong! XXX
in reply to
Thank you. I’ve been trying to keep faith for so long, but with no good things ever happening in any aspect of my life... I’ve basically ran out.
in reply to
I'm here for you!!! Love & Hugs!!!
in reply to
Thank you
in reply to
You my dear are very welcome! XXX
Agora1 in reply to
NocturnalShades, sometimes it takes letting go of the idea of never having had a boyfriend or nothing good ever happening in your life. It's when we don't expect it, that it happens. We can't control every aspect of our lives. Life will happen when the time is right. xx
in reply to Agora1
Thanks. I had done that for a few years... then I started realizing how old I was getting and nothing still had happened...
Agora1 in reply to
Shades, you are not old by any means. Finding someone has nothing to do with age really. It has to do with timing and being in the right place at the right time. If it's meant to be it will happen for you. Meanwhile, don't waste another moment in living life. I care. xx
in reply to Agora1
But I’m running out of time to start a family. If it doesn’t happen, then I will have to be all alone for the rest of my life and I can’t and won’t do that anymore. Being invisible, ignored and forgotten has already caused me so much great pain... to live out the rest of my days ostracized from everyone is a life I refuse and won’t live out.
Agora1 in reply to
One last thought.... Single people adopt children be it a man or a woman. I have 2 adopted children. Having children isn't a guarantee that you won't be alone. I wish you well, I wish you happiness and content in your life. xx
in reply to Agora1
Thank you but I can’t afford children on my own. That’s awesome you did! : ). I wish you well too.
fauxartist in reply to
I didn't find the love of my life till my fifties....so believe me, your life isn't over. I agree with Agora1...and also...I was not looking for another relationship...but sometimes when you least expect it...it finds you....so open your heart, live life and let life happen....
in reply to fauxartist
I’m happy for you. But I don’t know how long I can go on. I have no friends. No boyfriend. Everyone has thrown me away. My life is not a good one no matter how hard I work to make it better. I can’t afford myself either. : ( I feel like I’m being punished every day.
fauxartist in reply to
If we think negatively about ourselves....it may be how we project ourselves to others too...listen kiddo....when I had ended a 15yr. marriage, almost all my so called friends bailed when I found out my ex- was cheating on me with one of them..and they knew, didn't tell me...so..added to the mix...I wanted nothing to do with them...I was almost completely alone and felt lost for a good long time...because I felt that way...I was down on myself for a while...until I changed....nothing in my life was going to change...I had to want to live a better life and be happier with what I had...and that's what I projected. Confidence is attractive, it doesn't matter what you look like or how old you are, if you’re okay....so too will a potential friend or possible boyfriend be interested in you. If we are sad and not open to living life....no one would think you may want to be friends because you are shut down. Take a deep breath...get involved in some group functions of interest to you....baby steps.
in reply to fauxartist
I’m sorry that happened to you! :(. I have been positive for so long and everything always went wrong and everyone left me. I’m like this now because I’m so tired. So worn down. I never get anything back from any of my efforts. I’m beyond drained. I don’t have much left... I don’t even want to get out of bed.
fauxartist in reply to
look at the response your getting here right now....very few posts generate a lot of feedback like this...from complete strangers....you don't even really know...open your eyes and look around you....this is what 'Your' post did....now apply this to the real world....
in reply to fauxartist
Sorry, I’m pretty slow, but how would it be applied? Thanks... I’m sorry I’m not getting it : (
fauxartist in reply to
I knew that I had to get out of my funk..so I did some group, and one on one therapy to get through grief and learning to let go...I also had to address the negativity about myself and why it was I felt that way...I had to learn about all the good things I had to offer....who I was....I am not talking about ego....I mean learning to like yourself...I had to learn to not be afraid to live, or make mistakes. I always felt I wasn't good enough...I had to burn all those old tapes in my head...I had to like me. How can anyone else like me if I don't like myself....I was always awkward, shy, and inhibited most my childhood...and young adult life was almost as bad, I just didn't realize I was a good person...and likable.. I just had to believe it myself.
danimariea1 in reply to
I will be your friend. Here for you. (:
gogogirl in reply to
OLD??????? I am decades older than you!
in reply to gogogirl
In reference to being fertile...
gogogirl in reply to
You say, you have no friends, that everyone bailed on you in so many words- but you are putting preassure on yourself to create a family. There are so many needs in this world as you know- needs to give back, to possibly volunteer etc. Also, if you can't afford yourself ( whatever that means) how will you take care of a family even with a partner? I think you mentioned that you lost a job over ten years ago at the height of the recession which was awful for millions of people. But what about now? I think you mentioned that you graduated college and did obtain a job until the crash. What about modernizing in that career or perhaps pursuing another one ?Remember we cannot take care of anyone else ( even if it is a distraction) unless we can take care of ourselves first. Are you working now and what kind of work do you have? If you are working ( update) why not be happy about that? Many people cannot find jobs as you know even with degrees. Try not to compare yourself with anyone else. That's a trap- also you have a family- I hope that is a plus for you. Many people have no one as in nada zilch. Have you talked to your family about how you are downing yourself and basically wasting your emotions? Do you have hobbies or do you enjoy some free time like walking or biking or spending time with animals? If you want to be with kids in other ways- perhaps you could be a big sister or volunteer through an agency. As someone who has worked in schools we see a lot of parents who neglect their kids' needs or get stressed out instead of being "happy". Look at the divorce rate or the amount of single parents who see financial and other pain. Also, are you just looking to have kids with someone or do you really want a boyfriend - not just someone who will "make" a kid with you. Too many people do that and guess what- the kids do suffer. You sound down- and kids require someone who not only meets their own needs but theirs as well. That is an awful lot.
Why do you think you've never had a bf?
Have you tried to think about, why you never had a boyfriend ? Could it be trust or afraid of getting hurt? Could it be that your expectations are to high. We are all afraid of getting hurt but everyone does, it makes us stronger. We also always want the love and happiness we see on TV. Whether you believe it or not, you are still young and you will find that special person, just don’t look to hard, it will find you
in reply to Madison10
I’ve never even dated anyone. I’ve been on only 6 dates in my life. Guys just aren’t interested in me. I’ve tried multiple dating sites and apps over the years. Have taken classes and volunteered. Guys either don’t reply or they lose interest. Now I’m running hard into the issue that a majority of people in city my age are married and starting families... I’m just more sad that I’ve never been given a chance by anyone
Madison10 in reply to
Have you been interested in anyone you have gone out with. You may not have been interested. It’s important for you to be happy. There is someone for everybody. Someday you might think about adopting. A family doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t be alone. I have 3 kids and I hardly ever hear from them or see them , and it hurts and I am disappointed. Don’t force yourself on anyone, don’t try so hard and it will come to you, you will see
in reply to Madison10
Yes I have been. But they haven’t been with me... I can’t afford to adopt. The process is too costly and I can’t afford to raise a kid alone. I haven tried for years and nothing happened. I have to put myself out there to meet someone- as someone put it in an article I read “he’s not going to come knocking on your door!”. So I try to put myself out there, but no one is ever wanting me...
You could still have a child by ivf or you could foster/adopt.
in reply to bantam12
I can’t afford the procedures or children on my own and I personally would not be able to do it without some emotional support.
b1b1b1 in reply to
Are you seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist? If not, you should be. In addition, as to foster children, you are paid an allowance (at least in the US) to be a foster parent.
Don't give up yet! Nocturnal. It only takes one date, if it's the right one. Keep up the volunteering And keep getting out. Be cheerful and smiley, when you do meet guys. N Everyone loves a good listener too. You won't meet anyone if you stay home. I don't really trust dating sites. I think you need that connection that meeting face to face can bring. N, Yes, your right lots of folks your age get married and have Children. Lots get divorced too, n go on to have successfull Marriages. Like I did. I had my first Child at 40! Best of luck. 👍😊✌️
“The cost of working with an attorney and not involving an agency may range from $8,000 to $40,000 and averages $10,000 to $15,000. “. Average cost of adoption. I am unable to afford that.
adoptuskids.org/adoption-an...
in reply to
And that’s not even the average cost of raising a kid now... on my lone salary- there’s no way.
From reading your post I can see how hard it is on you to be single. Any romantic relationship can’t be forced to happen. It has to start organically. Live life as if you aren’t looking for a mate. People can pick up if you are trying to hard. You want to project confidence and strength. I think it also doesn’t help that in your generation a lot of the guys are afraid to make the first move. They are waiting for the girl to ask them out.
in reply to
Ya and then they don’t like girls to ask them bc they see that as desperation or bossy! Haha I can’t win. I went years without looking at all and nothing happened. So I’m trying to be a little more active about it. I can’t even get guys to reply on dating apps...
in reply to
You can’t look at it that way. Stay positive! I know it’s hard because of a woman’s biological clock and the nesting instinct to get discouraged. Have you tried volunteering at a church or other group? I volunteered at my church and got asked out without even looking for a mate. That was after being agoraphobic for fourteen years. I was 35 when that happened. You never know what will happen in a day, week, or a month from now. Get out there and volunteer.
in reply to
Ya I’ve volunteered! I’ve been applying to volunteer more but all the slots keep filling up or I never get a reply
in reply to
That’s all the ideas I have. I understand how you feel. When I was homebound the whole time I saw my brother and twin sister marry and start families. I thought I was an outcast. Then as I worked on getting over my panic disorder I learned that marriage and dating weren’t high on my priority list. I was stuck thinking well that’s what every one does and it made me think I was different. Then I thought why should I let that control my happiness? I have embraced being single and haven’t looked back. I am happy and content. I don’t care what people think about me being single. I have found peace.
in reply to
I’m glad you have found happiness!
in reply to
I have found peace with my life and circumstances. Happiness is fleeting in a ever changing world. I think the best anyone can hope for this side of eternity is contentment.
in reply to
Yes that is true. I am glad you have found that.
gogogirl in reply to
If you do not get a reply- make a call. I have done that, and it worked.
I don’t know how long I can go on all alone and with my life so terrible... I’ve put in so much effort to change things for the better my entire life, but no good things happen and everyone leaves me.... every day I wake up now, my heart is in pain.
in reply to
Do you work outside the home? Have considered community classes (cooking, art, music)? Do you belong to a church or community group? What are your interests?
You state your life is terrible, please define as it relates to you (other than no boyfriend).
in reply to
I work outside the home and have taken many classes (cooking, language, guitar and billiards). I don’t belong to a community though. I haven’t really been interested in anything lately.
I can’t financially support myself and have to live with family. If they kick me out, I will be homeless. All my friends have abandoned me. My expenses are piling up. I try to reach out no one wants me. I try to meet new people no one wants me. Every position I’ve wanted, I never get. I have to settle in every aspect and I’m to the point now that that isn’t enough anymore. I’ve been positive and kept my head up for so long and keep hoping for ‘my time’. But things just would keep getting worse. Everyone I know is married/ having children/ buying homes and I can’t even afford a studio apartment. Depressed. I have zero talents. I make mistakes all the time. I am not good at anything.
in reply to
Have you considered getting a roommate?
I’m not sure where you live but living alone is expensive. Two of my three adult male children have roommates. One son is 39/ Norther California and the other 32/Atlanta.
Visit a local church or community group.
Do your office mates get together after work or for sporting events?
Have you considered therapy?
in reply to
I live where it’s really expensive averaging 4,000-5,000 for a three bedroom. Also, list people here already live with their family or significant other. And most people here make a lot more so they can afford living alone. I’m not religious and I’ve tried to find groups but I can’t really relate to anyone here. A lot of people where I work commute and don’t do anything after work. And I don’t really have any friends here. (I work where people have PhDs and such, so I never know what they are talking about and they also are all married with children and married people I have met don’t want to make friends with single people)
gogogirl in reply to
Many people your age are living with their families. In fact this might sound strange but until the 1960s or there abouts it was quite common for families to live together. I think that living in this hyper expensive area has also gotten to you. Unfortunately, some areas in the USA ( if that is where you are) have gone through classism where rents have been raised sky high and only a small percentage of people can afford rents. Can you live in a studio or even in a room in a house if you want to move out? Even some people with good jobs have gone the room mate route- there are some agencies out there who were placing people with room mates if they wanted to go that route. In the mean time, may I suggest also getting off of social media or at least limiting it? Studies have shown that it has contributed to the rise in depression/anxiety ( especially in younger people) of over 60% in the last eight years or so. That is HUGE! So if your old friends keep posting on facebook ( something I as an old saw don't do) and showing how much money they make or how well they are doing- well that could contribute to something. I would not even bother with it. Suggestion: Try volunteering at a food bank or even a senior center if you can also- they will really appreciate you!
gogogirl in reply to
If your expenses are piling up, and you are living with family, perhaps you can talk to them about making a budget. Maybe you have done so. Many things are expensive today like utilities, gas, food, rent, taxes, etc. We all know that.
gogogirl in reply to
How are you alone? You said you lived with family. I hope they treat you right. It sounds like you are doing this to yourself for some reason. I hope you find a therapist you can relate to , and talk through this with this person.
I don’t even want to wake up anymore.
Not sure why you as a productive person would talk like that. You are worried about expenses- could you work more hours or get a side gig or even start a little business ?
Online dating can be tricky because it can be hard to make your profile accurately represent you. I like to think about what I look for in someone else’s profile and try to reflect that in my own. Also, having good pictures is really important. I try not to use group pictures. Also, taking pictures outside is an easy way to get great natural lighting. I don’t know if you’ve tried any of these things, but I thought I’d just through them out there.❤️
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