Not happy

[Summersun1soon]

The last time I remember being happy was over 25 years ago. I can't work anymore due to degeneration of my spine. I wake up everyday in terrible pain. I live with a man that claims he knows me. He has no clue how lonely and scared I am. He doesn't believe n mental illness. I really don't trust men. I have no intentions of having or wanting a man n my life ever again. I worked since 16 years of age. I was able to have the necessities in life. I have none now. I live with man that claims to know me, If

he loved me as he says he Would want me happy. My mind races continually. It goes so fast that I try to move around doing something to help it stop, it doesn't help. I want my own home, but on disability and do not have the finances. I hear how sorry I am ,by him, on daily basis.

.My friends want me to cN c them but I have no car or license. I'm waiting for the financing to reinstate my license. I have no material items and I don't see ever my life getting better. I have made horrible choices in life, but I think I've paid my karma. I'm so sad and feel hopeless in my life situation. I deal with issues alone. People putting me down doesn't give me the support I need to better my life. ( you will fail ,you'd b better off dying) . I'm so tired of wishing I had a mental break from saddnes. I wanna b happy but how when u just see things as they r, life not improving? I read something a few days ago that if you go to bed with someone at night, you shouldn't b crying. Few words but great meaning.

[Shutterbug65]

I do wish I had the right words to make your life better. All I can say is your not alone. I know it feels that way because I’m alone everyday. Slowly over time my anxiety and depression have pushed people away, and many of my loved ones have passed away. I wake up everyday with bad anxiety just thinking about how alone I am. Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to show any interest in your life at all. And this only makes the feeling of isolation worse. And having to deal with health problems you need some support.

And I know how it feels to make bad choices in life, I’ve made plenty. And now I’m paying for them. I’m sad, I’m anxious, and I’m alone. So I kind of know how your feeling, I feel like I’m being punished some how.

I wish I had some good answers for you but my life is a mess. I’m sure others in here will give you some helpful advice. This is a great community.

Have Hope.

[Summersun1soon in reply to Shutterbug65]

Thank u for ur kind words. I wish others didn't feel this way but it is some comfort that we r not alone

[fauxartist]

I am so sorry your so unhappy....and feeling trapped....listen Andep....I don't know if this helps...but next time this person, or anyone says anything like that to you again...tell them your not interested in their negativity towards you....you have enough to deal with and don't care what they think....you can feel alone in the same bed with someone....what good is it to be trapped with someone you don't like or love...who ever told you that is an idiot. Your here sharing....and I'm glad you have at least this outlet for now....you have a lot of issues all piled up and it's overwhelming when that happens....I just shut down and want to bury my head under a pillow and shut the room door. I too was independent and now I'm not. Some how we have to find a way...don't give up...don't stop trying....

[Summersun1soon in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you for your words. I hope everyone living with loneliness and depression find a positive outlet and R blessed n life. I feel our suffering should somehow can b lifted one day. Best of luck to u and thx