A friend of mine was murdered two days ago. He was a beautiful spirit. Although I am no stranger to deaths due to illness, old age, birth defects, suicide, accidents, etc. I have never directly known anyone who has been murdered. I am struggling with completely new emotions. Unlike other deaths I've had to deal with, this one has me completely...I don't even have the words. I am still in complete shock. It doesn't seem real. My anxiety has been bad just thinking about going to his funeral. He lives in a mountain town about 30 minutes away. While that doesn't sound far to the average person, that drive scares me. I worry that I'll have a panic attack and miss it. (If there is a service) I feel guilty for having not seen him physically for years, although we chatted online. So, I am feeling guilt and eventual guilt. I can't really put it into words. I am at a complete loss.