I wake up every day expecting it to be a dream I went from living the "American dream" to bam my past has came back to haunt me 20 years later now I don't want to leave my house I can't stand loud noises I don't enjoy doing anything I've lost my job I have almost committed suicide 3 times in a month and I hear voices in my head and also have haulsinations as well.
My new life dealing with ptsd severe ... - Anxiety and Depre...
I am sorry. It sounds like some regrets have caused you pain, and you have been ruminating. I know what this is like. There is no pep talk or anything. I am curious- did something happen twenty years ago that was very traumatic? I hope that you can see a physician since you have been suicidal and have hallucinations. You mention that you have a house so that is a relief.
The next time you think about suicide call one or both of these numbers..PLEASE: 1.800.273.8255 and 1.800.784.2433. Someone will answer who will be glad to talk to you and I think you will be glad to talk to them.
We do not want to lose you so please don't leave us. Come tell us how bad you feel, it's okay! Talk to me...I just may understand how you feel. I've wished I could die, too. Many times over and over. I had a plan on how I would die. But I don't feel like that today. And I'm glad I'm here today. So let me listen to you...right now.
I'll come back and see if you've left a message if I'm not here when you are. If you call the numbers above, someone will be there. That's more than I can do. Call them. I care about you but I can't be here all around the clock. But I can be here when you and I arrange it. Try me if you want to see if I will stand by you. Because I know I will. You are worth it. You can feel good again. Really good, I promise. If I could, you could. I'm nobody special. I'm just like you. Give yourself a chance.
Thank you Bonnie sue I'm seeing a therapist and part of my "homework" this week is to come up with a crisis management plan which involves what steps I will take when things get to my breaking point I have not been left alone in over two weeks my step mom won't leave me because she's scared. But Im getting my plan together and I will include this number and maybe that will make her feel safe. Because I do hear voices and when they get loud sometimes just talking to someone who has had some of the same type of thoughts can help a lot thank you so much
Oh my gosh- I am so sorry. Thank goodness you have your step mom . I know we are supposed to have family at our backs - after all if we don't have them then who? I am glad that you are seeing a therapist, but sometimes that is not enough. I am here- I have had depression mainly because of regrets and guilt for a long long time. I do see a therapist who is like a cheerleader. I know we cannot fix what happened in the past intellectually, but we were not born yesterday either. You are a valuable person.
I will try. Let's put it this way. Buyer's remorse - was rushed and taken advantage of- have felt uneasy and very silly since then, and much more withdrawn. Maybe as we communicate, I will try to let it out more. Thank you for asking. I am not making excuses, but I have felt very mixed up. I know I am not a victim, but I feel very guilty like I was not myself. I feel so naive- maybe I always was. That's the self doubt part talking.
I just released something to you, and look I can still breathe. I sometimes have nightmares, but I also know that is the anxiety. I am not making excuses, but the scam hit when I was vulnerable- my dad had passed, and I was feeling really low. I know this does not define the whole me, but sometimes, it ( the scam) passes in my mind, and I just start breathing faster.
Oh, I am so sorry, and sorry that you "ran" into a "friend" like that. I hope that it helped to let that out. I was about fifty, and am normally careful, so I feel even sillier since I was older. I find this so hard to think about that I sometimes block. I am still me, but I have changed since then. Thank you for sharing by the way. It takes a lot of courage to share.
You were taken advantage of also. Someone tried to sell us something last week. When , I said no way, the guy on the other end of the telephone yelled at me. That felt good on my end. I can never forget what that therapist said. My family member and I see each other once in awhile, but he looks down on me- not in the same class- I should have been smarter.
Thank you, but what a price especially when you are older. Part of the problem is this: My guilt at being caught in the excitement - like I was in a change. I know it's hard to describe. At that time, I had a distant relationship with this same family member- yes, even then- and again, that is no excuse , but perhaps that caused more vulnerability. And get this: I am normally not a person who asks for too much- at least I hope I am not. I will bet that you have become stronger also- but you were not caught in excitement- instead it sounds like you just thought you were doing a friend a favor. Hey, when we're teenagers, that is another whole story.
Oh man- now I might pick up steam. Maybe I need this. I called a warm line last week, and the man on the other end( without me telling him the story) said that regrets will kill ya!
I liked the way he spoke - plain spoken. I think the former therapist was trying to scold me- after I was scolding myself. She said I wasn't totally responsible, but definitely culpable. Then after all of that - she told me to move forward, and slammed my arm in her door.
Thank you. Plus, after that happened- and I thought about some other criticism that this same family member had given me- that I did not have my feet on the ground career wise and I live in a fantasy world. He also called me a useless piece of sh-t ( that was before the scam.). I was not a great fit in my original career.
You are fine also. I am not feeling sorry for myself, but some tears came to my eyes.