The helpless fifteen year old lesbian

[Invisiblesoul]

It all started when I was 15. I fell in love with a person that you just shouldn't fall in love with. I loved her more than I loved myself. Took her in when her mom didn't even want her. She cheated on me many many times and I always forgave her. Enough became enough and now I'm hurting. From the physical abuse to the mental abuse, it has changed my mind and heart. I suffer from anxiety/depression and it has altered my life in many ways. I cannot sleep at night, i stopped attending regular highschool and i lost my peace and sanity. Can someone help me understand this . Help me cope with this? please because i feel so alone..

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry your hurting Invisiblesoul....was she your first love?....often it hurts the most, and we invest our heart body and soul into our first loves. But the depression and anxiety may have been with you before the break up of the relationship. We tend to hold on too long to unhealthy relationships for fear of being hurt or left alone. And it's even worse when your betrayed...your trust feels shot and your heart is crushed. This is something that takes a while to get passed...it's grief and loss, and you will have to learn a process of letting go....but your not alone....many of us have gone through this too...and sometimes made the same mistakes to many times to count. It would help you a lot really if you could find a therapist that understands Gay and Lesbian relationships and how to empathize more with the social stigma and issues with the community. But really....everyone no matter what your preference is, has the same feelings when it comes to a broken heart.

[Invisiblesoul in reply to fauxartist]

Yes, she was my first love. This pain is horrible. I keep having flashbacks of her chocking me and telling me she don't want me. I loved he so much.. why did this have to happen to me?

[fauxartist in reply to Invisiblesoul]

sometimes we just get into bad relationships for what ever reason. They may start out great but if there is something just not quite right...it can escalate into something very wrong. First loves are just that honey....they will come and go till the right one for you comes along....but the healthier we get, and the more life experience we get, the better choices we make. Therapy for those of use who have issues is paramount.