Obsessive thoughts

Hello, I am new here and I suffer from GAD and obsessive thoughts. Right now my GAD is pretty well controlled with medication, but my obsessive thoughts are driving me crazy. I can't stop thinking about my husband's exes and comparing myself to them. Any time my mind is not fully occupied, such as when I have some down time, the thoughts creep in. It could be any one of them that my mind grabs onto.Then I want to obsessively look up information, photos etc about them online, which only makes it worse. Can anyone else relate to this problem?

[DymphnaDarling]

I relate soooo much. I think the hardest part is the idea that I should "just put it out of my mind." Like I can just change the channel or something. Once my brain gets a hold of something it becomes like a dog with a bone. There is no other channel and I can't think of anything else. And why is it always negative thoughts? You know what would be fun? Spending a whole day obsessively going over pleasant memories over and over again all day in our memories. Urgh. I'm curious about your medication, if you don't mind me asking. I too have GAD and obsessive thoughts and my shrink says it can't be treated (but hey! I love his 'can-do' attitude!) because one calls for a lower dose and one calls for a higher dose. I think what he really means is that he doesn't know how to treat it, but I'd love to know what works for someone else with the same combo. By the way, I have an ex that I do not want in my life, know I am better off without, and absolutely am not interested in in any way, shape, or form. I also read every word and dissect every picture that he posts online. I literally go from normal person to hard-core forensic scientist every time he posts something. I totally relate to the thing with the hubby's exes. It is like the only thing worse than knowing is not knowing and you have to satisfy this uncontrollable urge to look and then it makes everything worse. Urgh.

[Ayla-Kat in reply to DymphnaDarling]

HI, Dympha Darling and Xworder.

I relate to you as well. The way you worded your description about looking at pictures fits me. just like Xworder I can't help but obsess over ex other girlfriends. It's like I'm gauging myself against the other candidates and inflicting self-torture.

I do an analysis of why this person has seem to win over my ex. The ex I was with for a long time has a new girlfriend who is the opposite of me. I hate social media because it broadcasts everything and I can't help but investigate.I cringe when I see her actions. If he was with someone better than I would understand. I wish he was with someone better. I cringe at his choice.

At the same time I wish it was me he was with. I just torture myself, compare and feel rejected.

If you ever watch Crazy Ex Girlfriend, I basically do everything the character does. I relate to her in every way. I recommend it. I have gad, depression and borderline personality . There is an episode where she investigates an ex new girlfriend.

I'm glad I found these posts. I have trouble as well. I wish you the best on your journey to healing. Thanks for sharing. It helps to not feel so alone and strange.

😻 Ayla-Kat

[Hidden in reply to Ayla-Kat]

Thank you for sharing your experience Ayla-Kat. I wish you the best, too!

[Hidden in reply to DymphnaDarling]

Thanks for your reply. It is so helpful just to know that others have similar experiences. Right now I am talking Cymbalta, 90mg. I took Lexapro for years and it worked really well for me but then stopped working. I have been on the Cymbalta for a few months and it is ok. I do feel it helps with GAD and I have no neg side effects, but it's really not helping with the obsessive thoughts.

[Hidden in reply to DymphnaDarling]

Also I can really relate to your description of being like a forensic scientist!

[Martok in reply to DymphnaDarling]

" And why is it always negative thoughts? " YES - Why! That is the same thing I have thought of so many times...

[arcenciel]

I completely can relate to that. I've have OCD on and off for a lot of my adult life. You're engaging in compulsive behavior that you're unable to resist. It's the same type of thing as people checking and re-checking their locked doors. The anxious thought gnaws at you and gnaws at you until you finally give in and perform the behavior. I once had an excellent psychiatrist who told me that it's important to at least TRY to resist performing the behavior. He also put me on an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety med, both of which I still take. This makes it easier to do the resisting because you're calmer, instead of being a basket case. For example, you can say to yourself, "Okay, I'll do that in about 10 minutes, just not right now at this moment." It's some type of cognitive behavioral approach, I think, but it was useful for me. I'm not saying it eliminated compulsive behavior altogether, but it helped me build some strength to not instantly obey what my mind was telling me to do. Just like Dymphna, I'd also like to know what you're on for GAD.

[Hidden in reply to arcenciel]

This is a helpful perspective. I hadn't thought of the internet searching as a compulsive behavior, but that totally makes sense.

[DymphnaDarling in reply to arcenciel]

I love the idea of just putting it off for ten minutes! That has kind of worked for me in the past where I desperately needed to get up and check that the oven was off but didn't want to get out of bed and would eventually fall asleep. I never thought of applying it to other things though and I look forward to trying. Waiting a few minutes may not put a stop to the behavior right away, but it kind of takes a little control back, "We are going to do this when I say so and not before." I can imagine how little pieces of control can turn into big chunks and I like it. Thank you! xoxo DD

[ciley]

yes indeed, obsessive thoughts make your life a hell...ciley...keep writing on here,things do help and things do change it is diff to get a successful medication for this,it is very much part of our dna imo and has to be worked through, I had a rotten 4 years now due a mistake I made under extreme pressure.

[Hidden in reply to ciley]

Thanks for your reply!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I completely understand

I had a man that made all kind of promises to me that we would be together and have a future pick someone else after I changed my entire life for him and was complete in love with him

I can’t stop thinking about it

Everyone says move on but if it were that easy I wouldn’t be so depressed and feel like I can’t function

[ciley in reply to Hidden]

thats ok,i think most of us get some help and support from being on here, all the best ciley

[t_nguyen701]

I can relate!! I recently broke up with my GF bc I couldn't tale the obsessive thoughts anymore!! I'm sorry this is happening to you but Im happy Im not alone in this. The obsessive thoughts got so bad thatI started to think irrationally, coupled with my anxiety, I pulled the trigger and broke up with her. I just couldnt get over her past for some reason and I've been trying to work on myself ever since. It sounds like you have something called "Retroactive Jealousy" and there is this guy named Zachary Stockill that supposedly has a course that can help you with this. I've bought his book and gave it a read but have been having a tough time putting his practices to use. Hopefully this information is some sort of help. I'd like to know more if you're able to get over somethign like this bc I cant seem to shake the obsessive thoughts.