I’m screaming for life but idk

[wyetmoodie]

Long but I just needed to release my mind. Mental illness stigma and discrimination is something I’m struggling with for myself. I don’t talk to people because everyone has issues, no ones going to save me and eventually I just lost what little connections I had. I have to figure out how to save myself! And quick, I’m getting tired of wading in these waters! I’m going through something really dark it’s been about 2 years of constant anxiety and depression after having losing my sense of safety and privacy being violated. I developed a deep trauma.

I also suffer from nerve issues that cause Intense pain while I am eating and several other automatic body functions and doctors have not come up with anything that works to help the pain- it’s been 3 months. My confidence is shot. I feel I’m invalidated by myself and my boyfriend. He’s amazing but I feel like he keeps me at a distance. He won’t give me what I want, which is to open up. And he tells me he loves me. Ive asked him what about our problems. and I’m confused, is he really oblivious to this? Or is he lying to himself too. But the way I see us has a lot of sadness. So I think “how can he love me and our situation.” I’m not myself right now I don’t even know who I am.

I want him to share with me. Give me some push of effort to have faith in us. There’s no other way

I’m scared because I don’t have a picture of what life with him will be like in the future.

It’s not all about him. I want to be a strong woman, stand on my own but some days getting out of bed is painful. There’s so many opportunities and things to accomplish in 2018 we can live however we want but I put myself behind prison bars and I need guidance!. I feel as if I’ve changed so much that the people i used to hang out with aren’t healthy for me. But I’m terrified of people being close to me. And being close to people. I need something new, hobbies, interests but Im trudging through the mud. I am starving for a deep friendship with anyone that will give me some sort of hold in the real world. Someone I can feel comfortable with. I’m always in my head and it’s so loud. And my heart feels broken! But whyyy? Facts say IM FINE, for the most part.

My life feels lonely. I dread the driveway, key in the lock, coming home to silence.

-It’s cloudy out.

(Picture it: sitting in an enclosed porch facing a beautiful view and a breeze coming through with your perfect weather and a comfortable place to sit and maybe that’s the place where your mind is at peace. somewhere to put your feet up. And relax)

If any of you made it to the end, I truly appreciate you. 🤗

[Dubba61]

I did wyet! And anxiety and depression are things some of us just have to find a way to live with. There are no cures. But, there is help. Medication can help n i feel that you shouldn't ignore the pains you get, either. Keep returning and explaining to your Doc. As for your boyfriend, you may just have to except that though he loves you, he may not be able to help you with everything. Some of the things i do to help myself are listening to on-line hypnosis Jason Stephenson n Michael Sealy are both good. Art work (you don't have to be any good), nature walks, listening to Music especially Classical, that you may not have tried before. Anything really that 'takes you out of your own head' will give you some relief from overthinking. I wish you well. 😊✌️🌻

[CazO46]

Hi wyeoodie, I hear what you are saying. You have hopes and dreams and I know on the surface it seems simple to grab them and go for it. But our fears and doubts hold us back. That said you are articulate and really aware of your thoughts and a great chance for a different future. I really like dubba61 reply and perhaps just to add to that you can make little changes to start the ball rolling. Even if it feels like you are wading through mud you are still moving and that takes courage. I find it helpful to put my thoughts down here, somehow it makes things a bit clearer. I truly wish you all the best, take care X