idk what just happened

[langedechu]

does anyone else like absolutely HATE watching videos of themselves? it's always been like that for me, I don't really know why but I just can't. something really bad just happened to me where my dad wanted to see a video I made for school and I didn't want to show it to him but I did anyway. as soon as I heard my voice I started to panic and pretty much just ran away. he had to bring me back twice and eventually I just stood there while he watched it trying not to cry. then after he was done he asked why I was being so weird (and told me the video was good), and I didn't answer. i went up to my room and just started to have a meltdown and now I'm still shaking to the point where I can't take a full breath. I seriously don't know what hit me and I'm kind of scared because I've always been like this where I don't like to hear or watch myself talk but nothing like this has ever happened before. does anyone know what just happened please help

[Reading_Rando]

I feel very uncomfortable when I see videos or pictures of myself too. When I see anything that I am in, I become very self conscious and critical of how I look, move, and talk. I always think I could do better or look better which leads to me regretting life choices and so on.

As someone who's had a number of panic attacks in my life it sounds very much like one. Not everyone gets panic attacks in the same way but it always feel awful, like your dying or something. These things are entirely physiological and when they happen they are completly beyond your (or anyone's) control. You bassicaly just have to ride it out. They are in no way your fault.

Good news is that drugs can help alot with them. I found a drug that for me, pretty much elmimated my panic attacks (Paxil). I cant promise similar results, but I can promise that the right drug can be very helpful. Anyone can have panic attacks, your not wierd and your not alone!

[langedechu in reply to Reading_Rando]

hi thank you for your response. the thing is, drugs have always made me nervous. what if I get addicted (is that even a thing)? or what if the side effects are bad? what if it wasn't a panic attack and I'm just catastrophizing the situation? it's all just unsure to me. and because I'm not an adult yet I don't know how I feel about telling my parents to put me on medication. how do I even get it in the first place? and the last time that I thought I had a panic attack was when I visited my dying grandmother and just started feeling super sick and hot so I sat outside while the rest of my family said their "goodbyes." that was the last time I saw her and honestly I fucking regret not being there and I hate myself for sitting by myself on her porch. and trust me that was a lot worse than what happened earlier. i told my mom after, "I think I had a panic attack." and she said "no, you probably didn't" or something like that. so something as little as this is nothing to get my parents concerned at the least and it's definitely not a reason for them to put me on meds. i don't know what I can do.

[Sleeplessme in reply to langedechu]

From what I know panic attacks can happen for a short time then never occur again, or go away for years, they won't nessesarily continue. I think it's something that should be monitored. Personally I would suggest talking to a doctor for advice.

As for photos and videos, you're definitely not alone. I hate them. I hate being photographed so my face always looks strained or panicked as I don't know how to pose or even smile when a camera is pointed at me. Videos even worse. The sound of my own voice? I think I should awful. People tell me I'm good looking and have a great voice, but I always see myself as ugly and sound dim. I think it's far more common that you would imagine, so you're definitely not alone.

[langedechu in reply to Sleeplessme]

thank you for your advice i think its just my parents that are my main obstacle at the moment

[Reading_Rando in reply to langedechu]

I've had a similar thing happen to me where anxiety prevented me from being able to properly say goodbye to somone so, you have my sympathies, it's not a nice place to be. Drugs do have their problems and the first one you try may not be the right one but they can help alot. As for addiction, the drugs psychiatrists perscribe dont really make you feel good, but they make you feel less shitty.

Your probably not going to get psychologically adicted to them but if you try to get off of them you will feel physical withdrawl (which can be mild to terrible depending on the drug). Also you dont have to take drugs forever, I took drugs for panic attacks for a few years and they gave me the breathing room I needed to figure out how to permenently handle anxiety better. Regardless a doctor can help you figure all this out and what the right choice for you is. You deserve to feel better, no matter what anyone else says or thinks.

[langedechu in reply to Reading_Rando]

thanks a lot 🖤

[teen_anxiety]

ya, I get that but to make myself feel better I just make fun of myself it's weird but it helps.

[LeoAnon]

Omg finally somebody posted this. 🥺🥺🥺 I'm just getting to where I feel comfortable taking selfies and looking in the mirror again. I hate it so much.

[Hidden]

No. Just u for sure

Well ok. Not counting the otherv56 million of us

But see we aren't in school anymore so we to cheat and hide the camera

We all hate our looks and voice

Thing is

Ur friends dint

And dint see the details

They just see their brst friend

I have a?buddy out

West

Technically he's like

But

Who notices ??part of maturity we see the inner person

So. Cut yurself some slack

I bury the camera personally

Universal honey universal

[Kainan]

Yep you’re not alone. I can’t stand the sound of my voice when I hear it, but nobody else seems to have a problem with it. Weird, huh? I find it really dull. Always felt uncomfortable in front of a camera, like I have to adjust myself a lot to be ready, and i still don’t feel good about it lol. But ever since I started doing zooms, I feel a little better. I know what you mean, and I think a lot of it is in our heads. The more we buy into it; the worse it seems

[langedechu in reply to Kainan]

yeah mayb

[langedechu]

hmm maybe i did

[FearIsALiar]

Same here. I feel like I look so bad and even sound awful. I’m not confident at all. Very insevure

[13ga]

hey lang;

i don't have that problem; but i have several thoughts on it... things i relate to but exhibit for me in other ways...

1) seems like for you - parents are a big trigger... so that makes me wanna say - wanting approval, fearing criticism... overly critical of yourself... something along those lines.

2) fear of your work (or you) not being good enough. fear of losing respect or disappointing for same.

3) nit picking the way you look or sound. do i really look/sound like THAT? this i do understand ;).

i think these 3 things all have something in common - self esteem, shame.

we've all taken hits to our self esteem because someone shames us. and it don't feel good. so any situation where that's a possibility makes us cringe, and wanna run away.

i just had an episode w/ my step mom back in Mar. she put me back into my pre-teens in about a microsecond. i went nuclear. in all the time since then, i've spoken to her 3 times for less than 5 min total; and only because she called me.

what i need to do - is understand that she's an old bat, that's lost her fricking mind. i shouldn't let her get to me; and i should laugh it off. guess what... i aint there yet :-|.

but i think we all need to evaluate those that demean us. do they have a point, and suck at relating that point? or are they just plain mean. if latter... blank 'em.... we should find more people that can be constructive, and supportive.

[langedechu in reply to 13ga]

thank you for your insightful response. i think that my issue here is that I love my parents and they love me, but they don't understand or really care about my mentality. and on the days that i do open up to them and share something that's bothering me, they tell me that I'm overreacting instead of trying to help. so this is why when people recommend medication to me i don't know what to do because if i ask my parents to put me on meds i feel like they'd just think i was crazy or wanting to become a drug addict.

[13ga in reply to langedechu]

langedechu -

YVW - i'm glad you found it insightful.

i would like to point out - if your parents love you - then i'm sure they DO care about your mentality; they simply don't understand. this isn't surprising for sooo many reasons.

- mental illness isn't always easy to see or identify. hard for many people who haven't experienced it to wrap their heads around it... have some in my family - they're the "pull yourself up by your bootstrap" types. they don't get it.

here's an idea... how bout ask your parents to see a dr such as a psychiatrist. ask the dr about meds that you've heard of, and discuss w/ him/her. your parents may - and probably do - know less about medicating for a mental illness that you do!

if that's a big ask - next time you're at the drug store - consult w/ a pharmacist. they can't write you a script - but if anyone knows drugs it's them. then talk to your regular dr - they may be able to write a script for you. i would still recommend the psychiatrist though - that's they're area of expertise.

[langedechu in reply to 13ga]

omg this is super duper helpful thank you so so so much!

[13ga in reply to langedechu]

i'm sooo glad! YW!

[Kirinita]

Heyy...this happens to me as well. I get so conscious in front of camera and I hardly like any picture of mine. A video is just too much, and yeah watching it with someone else makes me conscious as well. I would say..just ignore these thoughts and understand that this is just in your head. Actually no one who loves us can find us ugly or weird and something like that. It's just us who underestimate ourselves.

Take care dear and just loosen up. 🤗🤗

[langedechu in reply to Kirinita]

aw i'll try thank you

[Eli1985]

If you want to go out from this condition you need /must consult your doctor-don't be afraid from medicines..you are young..but don't be afraid-they are all medicines that come with good and bad like all medicines-but we need to care about ourselves-I also took and take medicines for my mental health-the acceptance that you are not good-to don't say sick is the half of your jorney-and here I am now married,mother,wife,sister,bizniss woman,but I take my medicines every morning for the last 15 years,I suffered from depression,debilating anxiety,and panic attacks...but I sayd..the life is too short..why to don't have a treatment for my condition when its available?For ex..if you had heart problems you refuse medicine?Or insulin if you had problems with your blood sugar?Be smart, don't hear anyone..for this mental conditions still exist stigma..some people can't understand that everything is hemical and hormone disbalance-and this is treatable.Please get help-you don't deserve to suffer anymore.Greetings. If you need something else to ask ask me I am here to help with my experience.

[langedechu in reply to Eli1985]

thanks

[Hidden]

I dont what it is but I do not like my likeness on videos or film. It doesn't seem that the person is me. Also I think my voice is horrible. Everyone I talk to are like yeah that sounds like you. I dont stick around anymore when pics or videos are of me, embarassed by them. Low self esteem I guess.

[Spooky99]

I hate pictures of myself and videos. I critique everything about myself and have the worse voice. I think what an idiot I am. Your not alone. Maybe someone has an answer on the board. I just don’t look at myself

[langedechu in reply to Spooky99]

yeah i wasn't even by the computer but I still heard myself and just freaked out idk

[Survivor102]

I believe what is happening is that your inner you is asking for help, you might feel trapped and that no one wants you, and that is okay you feel those feelings but don't get stuck. Your dad told you, you did really good, instead of looking at the imperfections and going around and around the carrousel your head is in stop and just for a moment not right now but when you feel ready look at yourself in a mirror, or a video . Because what you where experiencing was your worst fear which it's you. That is why when you are ready and you look at yourself once more time look at what you are missing. Do not focus on what you do not have, but focus on what you do and hold on to that. If you ever try this, I am right now looking at you from the other side of this tunnel and I can tell you its all worth it. I love my life I really do because I love me, not because of the people in it or the circumstances because I now know that if I just love me a little harder than I love anyone else and I focus enough it does not mean I am selfish or arrogant. It means that I have gone through hell and I am a survivor. Where I am going with this it's that you are too you just can't see it yet. But I can hear the pain in your words ( heard, because I feel it and I have learned to use my body since my mind cannot take it all the time), and its okay to feel this way we are here to support you and get you through this. Be strong for you. You can climb this mountain but just this once try to not and actually tell yourself what if we just go around it? I am living proof of that and if you do need more support do not hesitate in reaching out it is scary but believe me I will not see it from my perspective but I will connect with your feelings because I have ADHD and everyday its a fight I have learn to cope with. I know you are strong and you are tired but keep going never give up

[langedechu in reply to Survivor102]

thank you. 🖤

[Hidden]

I agree with the other comments that you should consider speaking with a therapist because panic attacks can turn ugly. There was a really interesting tedtalk I watched a few months ago that actually talks about why we hate our voices. If it helps everyone goes through it because believe it or not our ears don’t hear ourselves talk. The sound we hear when we speak is from the vibrations in our bones not sound traveling through the air and into your ear. That voice you hear in videos and recordings is your voice traveling through the air. So we get kind of a stranger’s syndrome and we kind of freak out. It’s something you have to work through. The more you hear and see yourself you start to get to know yourself. It’s all about habituation.

For a project I had to do an oral presentation where I sent a recording of myself on PowerPoint. I was cringing the whole time I was editing and over criticizing myself. As time went on I was getting used to it. I still cringe now but it’s a work in progress.

[langedechu in reply to Hidden]

i think i'm gonna look for that tedtalk, that's an interesting concept, the "stranger's syndrome." thanks for your response!

[Hidden in reply to langedechu]

Definitely! I found that tedtalk here’s the link! youtu.be/g3vSYbT1Aco(Not working as expected?)

[langedechu in reply to Hidden]

thank you!!