depression and anxiety.

[abijeya]

my partner went back to work last friday (we have our own place and ive just had a baby 8 weeks ago and im currently breastfeeding) and im absolutely petrified on my own.....my thoughts take over, this voice wont go away. im in a constant battle with my mind day in and day out, im starting to give up. i cant take it anymore....i cant talk to a professional, i have no friends, im 23 and cant go out, im trapped and i hate it. im lashing out at loved ones and they just think im having a "moment".

our little boy has recently been put on a waiting list for skull surgery and i cant stop panicking over that, hes only 8 weeks we recently hit a year since i had life saving surgery as i suffered an ectopic pregnancy and our little unborn baby was taken! im having a really difficult time.

my 19 year old brother came over recently, we spoke a little (he found me upset) and i found out hes also suffering....hes been self harming and its broken me hes been suffering in silence and hasn't spoken to anyone and like me is unable to boost ourselves too seek professional help. he feels like he can talk too me though and im glad as he says it makes him feel better. me on the other hand, i cant seem to find anything other than gaming and music to help me from "thinking"

my partner brought me food today and i didnt take it, its triggered me, im a horrid....selfish...ugly individual. im ungrateful, this voice tells me that no one cares....no one would care if i was gone. i know that is false, i keep saying that its false, my baby needs me but what if it takes over me? what if theres no stopping it? i want to be alone but i need my partner or someone around me just too make me feel "safe" i cant talk to my partner about this as i know he'll quit his job like before just too be around me, he needs this job....we have a family to support. what can i do? i hate going out, i hate packed places...i hate being around strangers.

just feels like there is no hope for me.

[HelpingElbow]

Hello abhijeya,

If anyone's asking you to go out, it's for your own benefit. It's difficult to crumble all your thoughts together, because unexpectedly it would come out as a form of anger or lashing out on close ones.

The surgery part is quite shocking and it must be hard on you. You are already in a stage of rapidly changing hormones, your maternal instincts are at its peak, therefore no one can blame you for your excessive worry.

There's not much that I can suggest but you should try not to worry about your brother's problem. I am sure he will manage somehow. Just like you said, if talking to you makes him happy then speak to him.

I would suggest you to speak to your partner freely and let him know about your feelings and emotions. I am sure he will understand. At the same time, also give him the space to go to work so that he won't be affected by worrying about everything.