I'm Exhausted of Pretending

[Paula1982]

My weekend began well, I was excited and looking forward to hanging out with friends, eating good food and having a few drinks. My friend and I decided to celebrate Cinco de Mayo and went to a restuarant, crowded, loud, and they sat us right smack in the middle of the bus boys and waiters walk way and OMG what a nightmare. My anxiety immediately started acting up as they kept passing by me, my hearing became heighten, my throat began to close in and I couldn't eat anymore. Although I had a sip of my drink my brain took it as though I had, had a damn bottle. I felt disconnected, angry, annoyed, I wanted scream and run out. But I sat through it all, because I didnt want anyone to notice and I didn't want to ruin it for my friend.

Although the rest of the day went well I had set off the beast and my Sunday was a complete disaster. I had the worse brain fog, this pressure right in the middle of my chest and a huge knot in my stomach. I couldn't shake off this crap. The more I tried to ignore it the more it was present.

I am beyond frustrated. I am exhausted of pretending I'm ok. I am exhausted of planning for anxiety and not actually living. I am exhausted of making excuses. Everyone says I'm strong but I don't want to be strong, I want this pain to end.

I am desperately looking for recovery, for a solution. All I want is to sleep through this episode and waking up feeling normal, whatever that is.

[Hidden]

I hear ya Paula..

Wanted you to know I read your post and it resonates.

Sending well wishes to you..

We know it will pass and you will get back on track...I know the same about me too...I’ve take a dive, told I’m strong/ sick of being strong, want a solution...

You are not alone 🌺🌺🌺xx

[Paula1982 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your words Olivia. It's unfortunate to know others know my pain but also helps knowing I am not alone. I send you well wishes as well. 😊

[Hidden in reply to Paula1982]

Yes I understand.

🌺🌷🌺🌷

[Robinrenae]

Hi Paula, I'm in the same place myself right now, with all of that going on in the restaurant I might have actually ran out! But you stayed and fought through it....you can be proud of that. Awesome job 😊

Oh yes I'm the strong one too, at least that's what everyone tells me. I know how hard it is, but it will get better for both of us. If you need an ear, I'm here for you. 🌹