lack of identity

[nonhuman]

I have always been struggling to make connections with everyone since I was 9. Still to this day, I still have issues with myself and I still don’t have connections with anyone. I never get along with people who are just like me/same interests neither do I get along with people who are different from me. All kinds of mental health professionals like mental hospital, psychiatrist, therapists and lifelines like 988 never help me at all. Since I know that I never get to achieve getting my dreams due to the industry’s poor state and due to my horrible behavior. Since my mental health keeps declining everyday, I’ll keep self destructive everyday and I no longer see myself getting a good or decent future. I will not be remembered by anyone and no one cares, if they say they do, they don’t. They’ll say that but when I’m gone, everyone forgets me and moved on. I hate my existence. I wish I could bring my childhood and my teenage years back.

[gajh]

Hopefully you can make some connections here. There is a lot of support available.

[nonhuman in reply to gajh]

thanks for trying to make me feel better but I definitely know that I’m unable to make any connections in here too

[gajh in reply to nonhuman]

Why do you think you are unable to make connections here?

[LunarEcho24]

It sounds like you've had a rough time. So you've tried to get professional help? Were you diagnosed with a particular condition?

A lot of people have trouble making connections, but there might be different reasons for different people. You say you don't get along with anyone? Is it that you don't feel comfortable with people?, or you mention your horrible behavior... I hope that you can someday find a way to better connect with others.

I've had a tendency to have difficulty with relationships with other people. In my case it is social anxiety, and though I can do OK with people one-on-one, especially if I have a common interest, I'm not confident in myself and dislike groups and crowds. I had difficulty really forming a strong identity, at least one that I felt good about, and tend to be a people-pleaser. I wish I could just be myself, be confident, and relax and be comfortable around people. I tend to be very isolated these days, and it isn't pleasant. I even isolate myself from people that care about me because I'm so caught up in my anxiety and fears that I find it difficult to be present.

[nonhuman in reply to LunarEcho24]

Yes, many times in the past. Yes, I have diagnosed with social anxiety, major depression, generalized anxiety and possibly bipolar or borderline personality disorder.

Both, I don’t feel comfortable with people and it’s due to my behavior.

I remember I’ve said exactly just like that when I was 14 and my school counselors have told me, “don’t worry about it, you’ll grow out of it and you will laugh about it when you’re an adult.” Still to this day, nothing changed. Stupid of me to think that might happen. Still the same crap, loneliness is getting worse and self destructive behavior is getting worse every day.

[LunarEcho24 in reply to nonhuman]

Change is possible, but not easy. We are creatures of habit, and certain patterns get woven into our personalities.

I hope you can address the self destructive behavior. I'm sure that is difficult if you feel hopeless.

[blackcat64013]

Hi, Thank you for post which I have read with interest and learning.

I am not familiar with your particular brand of mental illness.

I can only assume like so many of us with mental health concerns, that you are comfortable in your current existence and you retreat to your "safe" place instead of stretching yourself, even a tiny bit, to be the change required for you to have a better life.

When you are ready, in your own time and pace reach out to us to help you get started. 🐈‍⬛

[nonhuman]

Yeah, I know that therapy doesn’t fix me and I have put effort into it, I’ve tried. For years like 12 months with the same therapist and nothing changed. I was in mental health services since I was 14. You’re acting like I haven’t done anything like that. But thanks for the assumption. Never said that I was unique, just plain a disaster and worthless. Great assumptions that me expressing that mental health services doesn’t work for me and I have tried everything is just me being “acting special and unique”.

Yeah, you’re telling me what everyone have already told me for years.

[hypercat54 in reply to nonhuman]

Ok fair enough. I have seen my replies weren't helpful so have now deleted them.