New to this, just need a ear to listen, well read...

[Jacqueline317]

Hello Everyone,

My name is Jacqueline and I am new to this page. I cant afford to see a therapist so I looked up what else I could do and found this page! Im looking forward to being able to speak my mind without judgment. I have been living with anxiety and depression for about 7 years but after having my precious little boy I feel like my head is empty inside but then again when I try and sleep at night my mind wonders to the worst places. I just feel like I will never be happy. I try to be the perfect daughter, mother, and girlfriend but I always feel like I am doing everything wrong and everyone is looking down on me. Even tho they say they love me, I find it very hard to believe. I know I am doing a good job as a mama but I still feel like my son deserves a different mother... Idk my thought process just sucks!! I just want to be happy, but its always one thing after another bringing me down.. And my boyfriend is a wonderful father to our son, but I feel like we are never in a good spot anymore and it hurts me, bc I want nothing more than my family to be together and happy. Please just read and listen. I really just need people to talk to.

[Agora1]

Hi Jacqueline317 and Welcome to the Support Forum. We can offer a ear to listen, a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on and a caring heart. We do not judge on this forum. This is a safe place to come to when troubled by doubts and fears.

If you read your post, you will see that you are surrounded by positive things in your life. It is you who have the self doubts. I could guarantee your little boy wouldn't trade his mama for the world. When feeling insecure and doubtful in who we are, try going to YouTube. There are many worthwhile videos to watch on Self Esteem and Confidence. Sometimes we need that little extra boost to reassure we are the best we can be.

When you have a moment take a listen to "Love Yourself (a Self Confidence Exercise) by the Honest Guys on You Tube. It might satisfy some of the doubts you are having. Always remember, If you need someone to believe in, start with yourself Jacqueline.... xx

[CazO46]

Hi Jacqueline317, I hope that you will feel comfortable talking about what's going on in you life and you certainly won't be judged. It's wonderful being a mother but very hard work both physically and emotionally. I agree with Agora1 that your son has everything he needs in you, no one else can be his mother. I often think we think we should be perfect at everything and compare ourself to others thinking we come up short. I think if you are able to take some time to look after yourself. If you feel better in yourself it seems to rub off on everyone around you. Take time to nurture your relationship with your partner so you remember why you fell in love in the beginning. You sound like you have a lot to give. Take care xx

[fauxartist]

welcome jacqueline...and sorry your going through so much....but your not alone with all this...many of us have questioned ourselves relentlessly as to if we are doing the right thing, are we worthy of being loved...are we doing enough....the answer is yes...we just don't know how to see it. Your son loves you...that's what matters....that is worth more than gold. And because your in an unhappy place...it's hard for our partner to be happy for you...they can't. Stop being so critical and hard on yourself...you are perfect the way you are, your doing better than you realize....lower the bar a bit and relax in the fact that doing your best is good enough..and that does not mean killing yourself...it means give yourself a break...do what you have to do to keep the ship running....and that is good enough...

anxiety and depression play a big role in our thinking....but since your not going to therapy...it's going to be more work for you to learn how to cope and live your life with this....read posts and comments here, keep sharing, and hopefully some here have ideas about how you can seek therapy without the huge cost. I did a pay as you could afford at a clinic and it cost me 10.00 per session cause it was with a therapist finishing their required hours of therapy to get their license. there are options. Hang in there.