Needing a listening ear

[Sadeyes123]

Hello I'm new to all of this. No one seems to understand what I am going through. I recently lost my grandmother who raised me from birth, then lost my father 2 weeks later on mothers day. And I have been crying ever since.

[VDC1]

I’m really sorry to hear you went through that. You’ve got to focus on doing everything you can to stay healthy and stay positive. Message anytime if you’re feeling down.

[Sadeyes123 in reply to VDC1]

I try and it's really hard. I've been crying all day and most of the time I dont even know why I'm crying.

[VDC1 in reply to Sadeyes123]

You’ve got to stay close to friends and family and stay healthy, getting exercise , eating right, sleeping well. Over time you will feel better, but it sucks I know! I’ve suffered some tremendous grief and it’s debilitating I know..

[Sadeyes123 in reply to VDC1]

Debilitating isn't even the word. Over never experienced this kind of loss before. I've lost all motivation. Family support is a joke. I just wanna be genuinely happy again.

[VDC1 in reply to Sadeyes123]

Surround yourself with good people. Grief can be outright painful like a physical injury. I know! There are lots of good people here.

[Trottingup in reply to Sadeyes123]

You’re going to cry. You’ve been through a great loss.

You can’t ignore your feelings. It must be very hard for you.

Remember the love you had from your grandma and your father. Know that they will always be with you as they made you who you are.

You will get through this. You need time to heal.

[Sadeyes123 in reply to Trottingup]

I feels bad for crying sometime, like I'm being a baby. Then I feel the need to be strong but then I'm like who am I being strong for. It makes my brain hurt sometimes.

[Trottingup in reply to Sadeyes123]

I thinks that perfectly normal. I certainly second guess my feelings or reactions.

Give yourself some (set) time to grieve then move forward when you’re able, don’t be so hard on yourself.

[Ladybug9]

I am so very sorry for your losses. My grama raised me too and she was my rock. When she passed I had to be dragged from her coffin because I wouldn't accept her passing. I've lost a lot of people the last few years and many of them in March. Let the tears flow for as long as you need to and grieve for as long as you need to as well. You have support right here whenever you need it!

[Sadeyes123 in reply to Ladybug9]

Thank you. I like being able to talk to someone who understands. I'm tired of hearing "just move on" she raised me from birth and gave me a great life. I cant just move on.

[Ladybug9 in reply to Sadeyes123]

Nothing irritates me more than "just get over it", "deal with it" or "pull yourself up by your bootstraps". Yes well I'll bootstrap my foot where it will never be seen again!! Sorry, I just get extremely upset over comments like that. And a lot of times, people just don't want to deal with your pain. And if they don't? They aren't who you need in your life! You definitely have us to talk with and to understand.

[Sadeyes123 in reply to Ladybug9]

Exactly!! Normally when I'm sad in would go to my grandmother and hug her and just cry, letting it all out. And now theres no one. It's crazy cause her death hit me harder than my mothers. With her gone I feel like I lost a piece of me. I dont know who I am without her. I'm glad I found this site. Finally ppl who understand what I'm going through, to talk to without the negativity.

[Ladybug9 in reply to Sadeyes123]

I had a harder time losing my Grama than my mom as well!!! My Grama raised me for most of my life and would call me her daughter. My mom and I were total opposites so I completely understand your closeness to your Grama and being closer to her.

[Sadeyes123 in reply to Ladybug9]

It feels so good to finally have someone to talk to who gets it.❤

[newcomit6 in reply to Ladybug9]

when my father passed i cried a lot i still cry till now when i see images of him years ago i still remember when take me and my mom abroad in 1999

[newcomit6 in reply to newcomit6]

those were good days

[Sadeyes123 in reply to newcomit6]

When you grow up with love the loss is different.

[newcomit6 in reply to Ladybug9]

let us be with him

[newcomit6 in reply to Ladybug9]

for me after 10 years i still remember her

[Sadeyes123 in reply to newcomit6]

I try to focus on the good memories to make me laugh instead of crying but Its hard.

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s okay to cry, don’t feel bad for crying. Sometimes crying makes me feel better in a way because I let out the emotion i’ve been holding in for long. I know you will be okay. Don’t give up ❤️ We are here for you and we are your support system. Sending you all my love!

[Sadeyes123 in reply to Hidden]

Normally I cry in the shower. I put music on and just cry. Lately I'm crying at work and while I'm driving. I just want to be in control of my emotions again.

[c-mac]

I'm so sorry -- what a rough period you are in! Anyone would feel the way you do, even if they tried to hide it. You might actually be ahead of the game, grieving-wise, acknowledging how you do, freely and openly, how hard this time is.

Glad you are feeling it fully. But if I can give a little advice, do some things to take care that it doesn't get worse than sadness -- depression. Stay connected to people and to nature. Go out for a nice walk every day. Speak to friends -- us! Keep your body going and healthy so depression doesn't take over.

When I lost my grandfather I was loudly sobbing at the funeral, in a small town in Texas full of cowboys, and me, a 40-year-old man. I didn't care. I had so looked up to him, and he stepped in many times in my life and set me on the right path. But I remembered something he had told me when my grandmother died: that he believed we held a connection to those who passed away even after they were gone, and that we could communicate with them emotionally. He and I are atheists, but I held him to that promise and have been close to him ever since his death. He is with me.

I believe if you listen you will feel their presence and their guidance now as you make your way in the world.

[Sadeyes123 in reply to c-mac]

I can definitely still feel my grandmother around me. Some days I can smell her.

[Theloudone]

I’m sorry for your pain- I know what your going throw. I lost my sister in May. I cry over EVERYTHING. Vacuuming, music, and of course everything sad.

Grief is a process and it’s really hard. Time heals, but it doesn’t heal all wounds. This is a pain that we carry forever, we just learn how to cope, so it doesn’t debilitate us.

I saw this image recently that in my eyes Perfectly describes grief. I’ll try to add it here

[Theloudone in reply to Theloudone]

Sorry I haven’t been here too long, I can’t add the picture, but here is a link to the concept.

Explaining why we can’t ”just get over“ grief

[Theloudone in reply to Theloudone]

themighty.com/2018/12/ball-...

[Theloudone in reply to Theloudone]

Message me anytime- I will Listen

[Sadeyes123 in reply to Theloudone]

Thank you.

[utep99]

Losses of Grandparents is very hard. It may help to know she is now in heaven with no pain or sickness. You if you accept God and Jesus will see her again. God is a terrific listener. Scream, yell or just plain vent he is there to listen. God loves you and so do we here in this group. Focus on keeping their memories alive in your heart. That is where they will live forever.

[Hidden in reply to utep99]

What happens if she doesn't accept jesus?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

The same thing that happens if she does accept. She'll be living with the grief of losing the people she loves.

[utep99 in reply to Hidden]

Then likely the way somebody believes they will not be in Heaven.

[utep99]

Unless she believed that God or Jesus just did not exist she accepted them.

[Hidden in reply to utep99]

What if she believed they didn't exist?

[newcomit6]

thats life

[newcomit6]

life is shore to got to live it once

[newcomit6]

you will get over it by time i know its hard for you i lost my brother in 2009 and my grandma in 2010 and my father in 2016

[newcomit6]

my grandma snuffed alot from her eyes then sugar rise up in her body

[newcomit6]

my brother death was painful

[newcomit6]

i will never forget the 11th of July 2009 the day he died

[Sadeyes123 in reply to newcomit6]

So sorry for your losses.

[Hidden]

A lot of us really care on here. There are some great people on this site. Seems like you just lost 2 people who were really there for you and now you feel very alone. I would just say give it time. I'm the kind of person where everything reminds me of a song! Go to YouTube, look up Amy Grant, Give it Time. If that song comforts you in any way, let me know. Take one day at a time, you'll make it through!!!!☺

[Sadeyes123 in reply to Hidden]

I listened to that song 4 times in a row. Thank you

[newcomit6 in reply to Sadeyes123]

i listend to Dont Blink by Kenny Chesney the song tells a story of a man age 103 years

[SuZQ154]

So sorry for your losses. Your sadness is understandable! Please keep posting! My counselor reassured me that my grief was going to take a LONG time to work through because I had been married to my ex-husband for 24 years. Knowing that helped me when I was still crying two years after he left. It takes time. Praying for you today! Getting out your feelings is so healthy! So, please keep posting.

[Sadeyes123 in reply to SuZQ154]

I'm trying to focus on school and work but ih ts not easy because I'm crying when I'm at work. This death hit me harder than when my mom passed. I need to learn to remember without the sadness and crying all the time.

[newcomit6]

my mom telling me if a man married he wil forget his pain because his wife will help him in his life

[Sadeyes123 in reply to newcomit6]

A wife can help but you can't depend on or be with someone to fix it. My partner cant help me, only I can once I learn the tools and steps I need.

[sunandbutterfly]

I am so sorry to hear of your losses. Know that you are not alone. When my brother in law and dear family friend died in 2017 I cried so long it hurt. My nose was raw from being wiped with tissues, my eyes red, and both were painful from crying so much. A whole week of life ran together between restless nights, grief, and exhaustion. The tears still come at times when I think about him. I

Know that it is okay to grieve. Everyone has their own pace and might go through the various stages of grief a few different times. Have you ever been to a grief support group such as grief share or through a church? (Your local funeral home should have information on these).

I would also recommend seeing a licensed counselor and the movies Hope when Life Hurts Most and Fruit cake and Ice Cream. Both of these were helpful for me. Maybe they would be encouraging for you?

[Sadeyes123 in reply to sunandbutterfly]

I was trying to find a local church or support group. Everything cost money and right now I just dont have anything extra. I dont have friends and the family I do have dont understand. I am so happy that I found this site. Everyone is so helpful and they understand.

[sunandbutterfly in reply to Sadeyes123]

I am so glad that you are finding help and support here. It is really important that you know that you are not alone. I hope that those videos will be helpful for you.

I definitely understand not having much extra money during this time. Perhaps some of the local churches would have a scholarship fund or you could find something through a licensed counselor. Do you have an insurance policy that helps pay for counseling?

Please let us know how you are doing and let me know if there are any other resources that would be helpful for you.

[SuZQ154 in reply to Sadeyes123]

Our church has Grief Share and Divorce Care, both are based on a twelve step program to work through loss. They are wonderful to provide guidance which is free, people who are going through the same experiences, and a spiritual-base pointing to God for our love, support, and direction first over people and other self-destructive behaviors. Hope this helps, my friend!