Why can’t I fall in love

[caseyaionaa]

For some reason I can’t seem to fall in love no matter how hard I try. I (thought) I did once about 3 years ago and haven’t had the same feelings ever since. I’ll find myself seeing somebody, and being completely infatuated with them for about 3 weeks and then suddenly I have absolutely no interest in them anymore. My most recent boyfriend I dated for 3 months, and I just had to break up with him yesterday. It’s not that I don’t have interest in this guy, I think I just felt like I was starting to lose my independence even though I KNOW I wasn’t. He’s completely perfect for me and I’m still want to be with him but knew I wasn’t treating him right. We’re basically on a break until I can figure out what’s wrong with me. I just find myself more interested in hanging out by myself or with my sister and those are the only people I really enjoy being with. Whenever I’m out with people all I can think about is other things I could be doing. I guess I’m just pretty void of friendships/relationships outside of the ones I have to have. I used to be close with my family but I find replying to texts/emails/phone calls is exhausting. Making plans gives me anxiety because I know I won’t want to do it when the time comes. I basically just want to lay in bed and watch TV all the time, but when I do that I feel guilty for not doing other important things. I’m not actively sad or depressed but I can’t find interest in anyone or anything. I’ve tried out a ton of hobbies and pastimes and im just still completely uninterested in life. I’ve had 3 therapists in my life, stopped seeing one about 4 years ago. I’m on antidepressants but my psychiatrist retired and I need to find a new one. If I’ve been on the same antidepressants for almost 6 years and was 15 when I started taking them, would changes within my body/mind have made them less effective somehow? I’m tired of feeling like this. Any suggestions?

[fauxartist]

yes....sometimes our meds do stop working.....and I can tell you from my own experience....I too had crushes or was eventuated with someone....knowing there was never going to be a long term to it...just a temporary loneliness fix...cause I subconsciously didn't want a long term relationship....but always wanted someone to love me and I love them the same...just never a good fit...so after years of bad relationships...I came to terms with why....I have among other things CPTSD, abandonment issues, depression...etc....and I was just not healthy enough emotionally to have a good relationship...it took years....and ....tada....when I wasn't looking or interested in the least....along came my partner of a lifetime....I actually love them and they love me equally....wow...never believed in that kind of thing....gave up on it....it happens when it's supposed to happen...when we are healthy enough for it to happen.

[Rpan]

There are many “kinds” of love. Sometimes we are in search of one specific kind of love, which can be unhealthy. Rather than focus on why it is you feel inadequate for Love now, maybe study the different kinds of love and see weather or not your expectations are in line. I’ve been married for many years and have learned that love is a series of choices..love does not mean that the whole world disappears and now life is in line, it simply is just another layer of comfort and peace, sometimes. Other times it’s demanding full of compromise. It’s very normal to feel how your feeling, analyzing your future. There is always a balance somewhere. Mindfulness can be helpful to find joy and peace in the moments, especially if you are feeling disconnected with a low mood, lacking enjoyment. It’s very easy to do and it builds on itself, it’s very rewarding.

[kenster1]

when your in a relationship its like you give half yourself away so you feel like your not in total control.you need to love yourself before you can love someone else.maybe you just aint ready for settling down either.your only young so have plenty of time to find mr perfect for you to share years of happiness with.

[t_nguyen701]

Hi caseyaionaa,

I was in a similar situation up until a few months ago. We went on for about 10 months and things were GREAT. Then outta nowhere I just had a different perception about our relationship, and didn't have much interest in it anymore and always wanted to be by myself on the weekends instead of spending time together bc we both worked during the weekdays. She was a great woman to me and i didnt have any complaints about her. I had just rather be by myself with my dog, or spending time with my family. I'm hoping that I can re-connect with her in some way and explain to her what is going on with me but i fear that she won't understand. Anyway, i hope things work out for you. It helps to know that I wasn't the only one in a situation like this.