Why can’t I be happy in the moment? - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

48,068 members49,340 posts

Why can’t I be happy in the moment?

Kevin87
Kevin87

Why can’t I be happy in the moment?

This is one of the most difficult things I deal with, and I have a feeling it is one of the keys to why I have the feelings I do. The subject line is exactly that, I can’t be happy in a moment to moment basis, I’m always thinking of things (worrying about the future) or wishing (my circumstances were better).

In truth, I have what I need and I SHOULD be very happy, but I’m not. And that makes me feel guilty, almost as if the depression I feel is not justified.

So I’m going to ask, how do YOU find happiness in a moment, how do you appreciate what you have? What are some skills you’ve picked up to keep yourself grounded?

10 Replies
oldestnewest

Hello Kevin,

I understand you completely. And the solution isn’t the same for everyone. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 15... and even with treatment I was still generally unhappy even though I had many things to be happy about. My mind was always worrying about everything that could possible go wrong and all the what ifs... then at the age of 28 I was diagnosed with ADHD and everything makes sense now. My untreated ADHD was causing a lot of anxiety and depression. As soon as I was treated for the ADHD with a stimulant my depression and anxiety pretty much disappeared. I no longer have a million what ifs in my mind. So perhaps you have been misdiagnosed? Just a thought. Good luck in your journey and always remember you are not alone!

Kevin87
Kevin87 in reply to RCJH8610

Hi! Thanks for the reply, that’s really interesting..do you mind if I ask how they (and you) came to that realization? It strikes me as two very different diagnoses..

RCJH8610
RCJH8610 in reply to Kevin87

At the age of 28 I became a school counselor and I was given a lot of tasks. I was extremely overwhelmed and just super depressed. When I talked to my psychiatrist she had me complete an ADHD checklist and I pretty much everything applied to me. She tried me on a low dose of Concerta to see how I did and it literally changed my life for the better. I have never known just how clouded my mind was until I got treatment.

RCJH8610
RCJH8610 in reply to Kevin87

Since the ADHD diagnosis I have done a lot of research and apparently it is VERY common for people with ADHD to be misdiagnosed for depression and anxiety because untreated ADHD causes depression and anxiety. It really has been a mind blowing eye opener for me and now my whole life makes sense. I’m not saying this is the same for you, but it could be.

Kevin87
Kevin87 in reply to RCJH8610

This makes a ton of sense actually. I took a checklist, and intend on at least mentioning it to my doctor. Something that concerns me though is I’ve been on the same anti depressants for YEARS so I have no idea how changing it would effect me...

RCJH8610
RCJH8610 in reply to Kevin87

No worries. I’ve been Effexor for 16 years for treatment of depression and my doctor kept me on it, just added the ADHD medication. It really changed my life and I hope it will be a possible solution for you as well. 🙏🏼

Hidden
Hidden

I can relate. I haven't laughed in a while. Sorry I don't have any skills to pass along. I close my eyes and remember how grateful I am for all that's necessary to survive and then some.

When I went to college at 17, that didn't stress me out. Living in apt with 3 women eventually just one was hard. I did work but at $1.35/hr plus tips at a band bar. It didn't pay the bills. They only food I had was a box of Quaker oats and sweetnlow for two weeks. Now some 50 years later I am obsessed with having a fridge FULL. I could eat for a month for 2 people. I should be happy. I worry that it being empty might happen again.

If your feed generates working skills I'd love to hear them.

It's a difficult one and takes time to find out what works for you.

I'm still working on it; I focus on the now, being grateful for the little things in life, just living really for each minute, enjoying the now. Yes we all like to plan for the future and that comes with worries, but we cannot control the future from here and now, so I let it wash over me, literally lying down and imaging waves, I'm still working on the same with my past but that's taking longer as when I do that it feels like I'm tugging at it and it's pulling me with it.

Sorry if I'm not making sense, it's not easy to explain.

Letting go, allowing things to "flow" over me, feeling I have no control of my future and no hold of my past is like a weight lifted off my shoulders combined with panic and I do get really emotional.

We always want what we cannot have, it's human nature to dream big, do more, and or think we should be better, we need to accept what we are and where we are, the path we have made took us here and the next steps even if they're small will lead us to our future, we cannot see that now, but that's okay, we are fine where we are as we can see what's around us; the floor, the people, our house, our friends, our pets. It's society and those pressures that make us feel we need to compare things, we don't we can just accept, but that's really not easy!

I focus on feelings rather than physical stuff, so I try to do one positive thing a day call it a good karma; help someone else, it'll make you smile. even if it's picking up something someones dropped, holding a door open, helping someone with directions. When I do one little think I feel so important and I hold onto that feeling even if it's such a small thing.

Think about where you are now, where you've come from, what you have, and just be pleased with it, you have nothing to prove to anyone so you have no reason to feel bad or guilty, we shouldn't judge or be so hard on ourselves; we can't compare ourselves to others because we are all different. I'm still working on this one, so let me know if you find a coping mechanism for this.

I've learnt not to force myself to be happy or feel happy, we all have down moments, and that's okay, I'm working on noticing those and their cause, accepting them, working through them, actually verbally saying thanks out loud, breathing in and "shaking hands" with it then breathing out and mentally walking off with a smile - that down feeling has allowed me learn what happiness is.

Then you start to see people out and about looking sad and it changes your views; I smile more, help people more and think "they may be where I was only a few minutes ago" so I want to let them know it does get better x

I have been reading about gratitude. There are several books out there. I write down the things I am grateful for and it helps.

Kevin

I try and divert my thoughts to something I enjoy. I divert my thoughts onto something I enjoy, I have my own orchard, and garden, also my Library, I will pick up a book and look at pictures where I have been. Tonight I have been looking on Amazon for some new titles that will settle in and fill a gap in my Library. That has taken more time than I would have imagined so it diverted my thoughts and moved me on.

Look toward diversions and hobbies to keep you busy, I have a large collection of Victorian picture books and that seems to divert my thoughts especially if I start to research different things. That like tonight has lost me several hours, I started at eight, now it is 11;30 so I have been absorbed in various books

BOB

You may also like...