No Longer Living in the Shadows

[Choc102]

I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD by my psychologist in February. She believes that I have been depressed since I was 13 years old. I am 22 now. The anxiety and PTSD were brought on when I was raped when I was 20 and made worse when I was sexually assaulted when I was 21.

Last Saturday, I became suicidal. I attempted suicide when I was 14 and the best thing that ever happened to me was waking up. I knew that if I tried to commit suicide this time, that I wouldn't wake up. So I called a sexual assault survivor hotline for help. They called the police who took me to the hospital where I spent two nights and two days until I was released into my parent's custody. Now I am on waiting lists to receive inpatient treatment.

My parents, sisters, and friends did not know about my depression or about my suicidal tendencies. I feel ashamed that they all know how weak I am. I was supposed to graduate from college in a week. Now I'm not even allowed to drive my car. I feel trapped. My parents don't understand my depression, I don't understand my depression. I'm afraid that I will always feel this way.

[fauxartist]

Hey Choc102....please understand that this is not your fault...you didn't do anything wrong to cause your depression, or what happened to you. Your a rape survivor...I cannot even begin to tell you how much it breaks my heart to know you have had this happen...keep fighting....this is about you getting help...don't worry about your family....for gods sake if anything they should support you. Your in crisis....your a good person that had some horrible things happen to you...and your left with learning how to cope with it....listen....your only starting the process....give it time....go through this in patient process to get some immediate help....You will get through this....please hang in there....the depression can be managed, the PTSD can be managed in therapy as well....now you just need to let others take care of you...your not trapped..try to breath..this is temporary....

[beanxiousfornothing]

You are not weak - from what you've shared about the trauma in your life, you seem incredibly strong. All of us need love and support, that does not make us weak, that makes us human. Depression is not your fault, it is a part of the life that you've been given, but you can overcome it. Continue with therapy and if prescribed any medication, take it religiously. Like you did last Saturday, remain self aware and report any suicidal thoughts as soon as possible. You may need a more effective medication or a higher dose of what you're taking. Love yourself and practice self care always by guarding your physical and emotional health. You will not always feel this way, you are going to get past this moment in time.

[fauxartist in reply to beanxiousfornothing]

great post beanxiousfornothing....