OCD Is Controlling my life

[laurenmontgom]

My OCD has gotten very severe over the past several months, and tonight was a particularly bad night. I've had OCD for a few years, but recently it's like it's become this unstoppable force that has taken control of everything and I have no power over it and my irrational thoughts. I have contamination OCD, so everything I touch seems dirty and everything that touches me needs to be washed off immediately. I have panic attacks every night about my nightly routine, which takes up so much time, and that's not to mention my generalized anxiety that lasts all day long. My depression is spiraling out of control and as I get deeper into that illness, my anxiety and OCD go into overdrive. Tonight I had a meltdown in the shower because I dropped the soap (which is the special soap I only use for my hands), so I couldn't get my hands clean and then I beat myself up for using a "dirty" body towel before using my clean hands to use a washcloth. I beat myself up over every little perceived mistake I make, and even though the point of my OCD is to make me feel like I can have some level of control over my life, I feel like it makes me feel so out of control and crazy. My symptoms, compulsions, and behaviors are so specific and I know I need to restart CBT therapy, but living like this every night, knowing that around 10 p.m. every single night I will have a panic attack about my OCD just deepens my depression and makes me think I'll never solve all the things wrong with me. I just want to be a normal person that can pick something off the floor without washing their hands. I want to have a nightly routine that calms me down and makes me feel clean and ready for bed, rather than crying my eyes out and terrified I did something wrong, something that I know I've made up in my head. I've tried anxiety meds that just don't work, and my anxiety, especially my OCD, feels like this monster that's out to get me; it knows all my weak spots and fears, and it exploits them to the point that I can't trust myself and I can't cope with it. If any of you are going through the same thing or can offer any advice on how you cope with your contamination OCD, I'd really love that.

[CazO46]

Hi, I'm sorry I don't have any personal experience of this but I really wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I can hear how this had taken over your life and you want to find relief from the obsessive thoughts. From the little I know there is hope that you can get help to change this behaviour so don't give up, you can get support and feel better. Take care of yourself and don't judge yourself harshly for being who you are, you are ok even with your challenges X

[fauxartist]

my partner has OCD....but over the years of therapy the fears have calmed down tremendously...they used to constantly steam clean everything, floors, walls ,tile, curtains, if the dog and cat didn't move...I was concerned to say the least. In therapy it was identified as to where this began....PTSD.....a terrible and horrific trauma triggered this...and their need to control everything in their environment to stay safe. I found this article, don't know if it helps, but it may....glad your here and sharing about this...I'm sorry your going through it, but there is help....and there is hope...hang in there...

Common goals of OCD treatment for Contamination OCD include:

Identify triggers and cycles of obsessive thinking about contamination and compulsive behaviors such as washing

Learn to respond differently to anxiety, obsessions and intrusive thoughts

Use exposure therapy to confront contamination fears and objects, either directly and/or in your imagination

Learn response prevention techniques to reduce or stop compulsive behaviors or rituals like excessive washing, showering and reassurance seeking

Apply mindfulness strategies to observe and accept your discomfort and uncertainty as part of your OCD therapy

Reduce time spent on compulsive behaviors and minimize impact of obsessions and compulsions on daily life

[Jas_singh in reply to fauxartist]

I myself have been suffering from OCD for the past many years. But now I have found a way

to control it. It is working better in my case. Please watch this video to know about this meditative technique.

youtu.be/a5Q1LZPRFUo(Not working as expected?)

[fauxartist in reply to Jas_singh]

thank you very much Jas_singh....I appreciate the info...and actually....it's very meditative, good technique....

[Tikirob]

I have it too. That shower scenario is a filoar one. When soap gets dirty thats when I know my OCD is prime. My contamination OCD was so bad I wore surgical gloves sometimes. I still have it bad but I can do more now than I could before. If you ever need to chat about it let me know.

[ohcde]

Hi,

I realise this post was made sometime back, but it spoke to me because I can identify with your desperation and exasperation. I just wanted to let u know you are not alone. I have blood contamination OCD, and so often I wish I could just wake up WITHOUT OCD.

I know the recommended treatment is to accept the uncertainty/risks, not try to dissuade ourselves that there is no risk. But when I'm not feeling up to that gold standard, I do some self talk. Like if I dropped the soap bar, I would tell myself that anyhows any germs that are on the soap bar would get killed at the same time as they are in contact with and being 'disinfected' by the soap. Then I would allow myself one 'soapy' rinse of the soap bar, and try to get on with doing what's next, and tell myself that was my logic that is acceptable so I don't need to think and fret about it anymore.

I know how hard OCD is, and how treatment often sounds even harder. It so often feels like we are caught between a shark and the deep blue sea.

But don't give up, it is true that OCD ebbs and flows, so there WILL be better days. While the OCD can seem like such an overwhelming monster, remember that it is the OCD that is the monster, not you. Love yourself, and also have good self care, because with such a draining, all-emcompassing condition, we really deserve it.

[Sj369]

I relate to this so much honestly I could have been reading my own story. How are you now have you gotten any better and if so how?

Know your not alone