Your friendly neighborhood voice... :)

[bridder01]

Hi all! This is Brian again!! I hope you are all enjoying the weekend in the part of the world you call home. Lately I've been seeing a lot of posts dealing with anxiety and relationships, both friendly and romantic. I know that in my life I have had some wonderful ladies as friends who have given me lots of advice and insight into how they think. Admittedly, I'm still a hopeless novice in the grand scheme of things. But, it did get me thinking......

So, here's what I'm gonna do........

I'm opening this thread up into an open forum on how an ordinary guy views life, love and emotions. I'm inviting all of you out there who has a question they would like to have answered, or even something you're curious about, to use this post to ask me and I will try my best to give you an answer (or some insight) into why men think the way they do. It can be about anything (although I will ask that the questions are kept clean for consideration reasons lol) and I'll do my best to give you an honest, frank answer. If I don't have a suitable answer for you, then I'll open the floor to any guy out there who may be able to answer your question more directly. For me, communication is one of the biggest things to have in any kind of relationship. If I can lift away some of the myths or legends out there, I will certainly try my best to help. I will start answering the questions beginning at 7 PM USA East Coast Time tonight. If I don't get to your question right away, don't worry! I will make sure every question is responded to!

So, here's your chance to ask a guy how he handles certain aspects of life. What's your question?

Always trying to be of help,

Brian

[Hidden]

Can you read my mind or what? I was just thinking about this, this morning while I was making omelets, I think too much during this time. While I cook, wash dishes...somehow thoughts just hit me. Guess because my spouse response to me "opening up", well not exactly what I wanted and it just hit me. Do all men react like this? So I am trying to understand him as well and try not to overthink. Thanks Brian!

[bridder01 in reply to Hidden]

Hey Jackie! Opening up is probably one of the things that most guys have trouble doing. When we're children, boys are usually taught to hide most of the more sensitive emotions and that showing any of those emotions is a sign of weakness. Later in life, this can prevent a lot of men from really being able to emotionally connect. But, getting back to your question.....It sounds to me like your spouse is employing what I call a 'deflection' move. Men who try to deflect what others are saying may not know how to process the information they receive, so they 'deflect'...or change the subject.

But, how you feel and how your partner responds to you are very important and shouldn't be taken lightly. If it is something serious, try sitting your partner down, one-on-one, and in a calm and respectful manner, tell him how you feel. If he tries to deflect, gently ease him back on topic in a respectful way. Let him know exactly how you feel, why you feel that way and how having your concerns dismissed affects you. You have every right to not only express yourself, but to have your feelings respected. If you present your emotions in a calm and polite manner, you may be surprised by the outcome! Most guys will understand that this means a great deal to you and they will try to be as supportive as they can. They may not understand exactly what you're dealing with, but they will take great effort to support you and stand by you when you need them. But, the sad fact is, not all men are either willing or capable of doing this. If your partner begins to get defensive, continues to be dismissive of your feelings, or worse (and let's hope it doesn't come to the worst bit), then it might be time to take a long look at the relationship. One of every relationship's core components has to be communication! Think of a relationship as a machine.....in order for the machine to continue to operate normally, it needs daily maintenance. Take out the maintenance, and it begins to break down. A lot of time men will forget this basic rule of thumb and need to be gently reminded of that fact. Not all men react negatively to being talked to...especially if it is with kindness and respect. And should the outcome not go the way you hoped, then remember that you tried. You did your best and that you are not to blame. You can only get out of a relationship what you put in, and the sad fact is, in this day and age, a lot of guys either are unwilling or unable to communicate.

Speaking as a guy (I'll show you my membership card if you like lol), if I were in that position, I would want my partner to talk to me and tell me what's on her mind. The thing to remember is: I'm not a mind reader. I don't have ESP abilities. I won't know - or can't know - something's wrong unless you talk to me. If you sit me down and discuss it calmly and sincerely, I would be very understanding and I would want to be as supportive and caring as I can be. Sometimes, it's going that little extra distance that can be the key between saving a relationship.....and watching it crash into the side of a mountain.

One final point -- Always remember that you can't control the actions of others. All you can do is be open and honest with your partner. If he truly sees that you are in pain and that this matters to you, then he'll do his level best to support you.

I hope this answers your question Jackie

Brian