I am new here: I know I am fighting... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support
45,414 members46,776 posts

I am new here

shachi
shachi

I know I am fighting depression, and I need help.

I am 38 and divorced (6 years ago), single now. Usually I do very well. But sometimes, like right now, I feel like a failure, where I have not really achieved anything in life and soon I will be forty.

I think, my problems are more in my head then in reality, because with same circumstances, 2 months ago, I was a very happy person. And now I can't control crying almost all the time

29 Replies
oldestnewest

Welcome shachi, sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Would it help you to write down what it is that doesn't feel right at the moment? Sometimes I do this then next to it what I've done to try and help myself and how successful it was, it helps me keep things in perspective. I wish you all the best

shachi
shachi in reply to CazO46

Thank you for replying, and I will definitely try this. But right now the problem is, I know what I should do to overcome my anxiety or fears but I am not doing anything about them. I am not able to act on the solution

CazO46
CazO46 in reply to shachi

I know what you mean, when you feel overwhelmed it's hard to take a step forward to try and get better

While the problems may be in your head.. they are not imagined. I am researching biological and physical implications of depression. Depressed people often are physically different than not depressed people. This is personal research so I can help my son with his depression. My point is.. Do not feel bad about feeling depressed. It is not your fault. If you had cancer you would not feel guilty about the way it made you feel. I think depression should be treated in a similar way.

Try to find a good doctor to help you through this. A prescribing doctor and a therapist. Try to eat as healthy as you can. You won't feel like it but it has been shown that folks with depression have higher levels of inflammation.

If you can flood your body with organic fruits and vegetables and less processed food this can help.

Also exercise.. try to get 30 minutes of cardio a day done. If you cannot do cardio then at least walking.

Meditation.. especially Mindful Meditation.. Attend a class.. I bet they have classes where you live.. It is worth the investment.. Meditation is helpful for healing of any disease including depression.

I will pray for you. Also sending tons of hugs!

Softwaremom

Marz21
Marz21 in reply to softwaremom00

Wonderful reading your advice, it's really helped me too today. I just wanted you to know.

shachi
shachi in reply to softwaremom00

Thank you, I've been trying to go for walk since last week, but my sadness was stopping me. But, I did walked for 3 miles yesterday and I am hopeful, I'll do some running today.

I am working on healthy eating!!

And mostly, thank you for praying for me. I'll pray for your son too!!

Hi, I hope being here can help you. You've been through a lot so don't be hard on yourself for having difficulties and part of that is a struggle to motivate, in my experience of depression. I took a walk this morning and looked around me at trees and heard birds, and really it was probably nothing major to most people and done at a snail's pace but the fresh air and change of scene did give me something else to focus on. I also listened to old music I used to love as a kid a lot, which today felt good. Here for you if you ever want to have a chat with someone.

shachi
shachi in reply to Marz21

It helps to be able to talk about it. Old music is making me cry too (I cannot define why), but spiritual music is helping. I am trying that.

Thank you for the support. I might take you up on your offer to chat

Mena2603
Mena2603 in reply to shachi

Old music is designed to pull on our emotions just like you had described as a spiritual person try to stay away from it I know it can be difficult I have the same issue but the spiritual music is designed to be lifting and comforting

you are getting close to reaching the next stage in life, which often comes with a mental change. usually in the 40s, your children are teenagers so they are not as reliant on you so you have more freedom or you feel like you are pressured to have children or get married if you do not have either of those yet. so keep that in mind and be easy on yourself.

also, depression often acts in a wave with varying levels. for some people they are very depressed for some time and then very happy for some time. others are mildly depressed and mildly happy. some are stable and then are very depressed. it is different for everyone- so it is important to know that it is a cycling illness that can seem to come and go. just because you have been feeling good for a while does not mean it will not come back.

shachi
shachi in reply to EmLee96

Thank you, you are right. I did get depressed 2 years ago and that time I took therapy.

I am single now and do not have any children.

I mostly stay away from romantic movies, songs or soaps, because i know they make me sad by making me realize what I do not have in life.

And, past one month, against my best judgement, I've watched couple of romantic soaps and here I am again, feeling super depressed.

I know this will sound so impractical, but at present, I am not able to control how I feel.

Marshall64
Marshall64 in reply to shachi

I get what you are saying. I'm single now and it seems like everybody has someone. I have a young daughter asks eveytime I go with her to a school event, activity or church I'm reminded on what is missing in my life. Raising my daughter by myself kept me occupied but now as she is able to do more things by herself I have more time to myself and then the loneliness seeps in.

shachi
shachi in reply to Marshall64

thank you

Was the divorce very difficult? I started having panic attacks during my first.

shachi
shachi in reply to SuzanneJohn

no, we were able to file mutual application, so it was not difficult.

But, what's difficult is that I have not found any new connection after that, and I think I am afraid, I'll die an old maid

Marshall64
Marshall64 in reply to shachi

You were married once so that shows that you must not be some hideous creature.😊 Chances are that you will find love again and not be an old maid.

shachi
shachi in reply to Marshall64

:)

Marshall64
Marshall64 in reply to shachi

If you don't mind me asking, have you dated at all during this depressive episode? The reason I ask is that I am going through some bad depression and a friend told me that a girl he knows wants to go on a date with me. It has been a long time since I dated and anxiety sets in just thinking about it. I want to get past this episode of depression so I can be myself.

shachi
shachi in reply to Marshall64

I have not. I want to, but there's something inside me that stops me. I don't really know how to define that..

My divorce was not difficult in that way either.. no lawyers or anything and even though I did not initiate it, a part of me wanted it too. For some reason though, I had a complete nervous breakdown. Has your ex found someone new?

shachi
shachi in reply to SuzanneJohn

I don't know, we are not in touch, and we have blocked each other on all social media.

Honestly, I do not want to know as well.

At present I am doing better then yesterday. I had my crying spells last night, but I have not cried since morning today. That's a positive.

SuzanneJohn
SuzanneJohn in reply to shachi

Hmm...Have you run into people that you’re attracted to? That you’ve thought about after you met or saw? Or have you just not been interested? Just wondering Wut the issue may be. I got remarried 12 years after my divorce.. unless you count my 5 month marriage in 2010, which I don’t really. Tho I did have a child in 2004, something my first husband and I never managed, and that took up nearly all my attention. Do you have a child? Is that part of your anxiety? Wanting one..

shachi
shachi in reply to SuzanneJohn

These are good intelligent questions. I've always wanted to discuss on these, but never found anyone around me whom I think would understand.

So, yes, I found couple of guys interesting, but the reason, I've not dated till now is that I never found anyone whose wavelength matches mine. I am from India, and most the guys my age group are mama's boys. They are not even self dependent. I mean, they earn, but they do not know anything about taking care of things at home.

Honestly, I've only made 3-4 attempts on dating site. And, when I went there, most people were only interested in sex. I don't judge people with one night stands, but I myself am unable to have one. It has to be love before sex (I am old fashioned)

And that always kept me away from dating.

I am working on adopting a child, I've placed applications and am in queue.

I want a life-partner, I am afraid of reaching out though. I lack confidence here.

Have you looked at men from different cultural backgrounds? What’s your feeling on that? That’s how I found my daughter’s father.. a dating site.. that didn’t turn out well though... except for my daughter of course.

shachi
shachi in reply to SuzanneJohn

I have started looking for past one month. I am looking on pof. Can you recommend any good dating site?

SuzanneJohn
SuzanneJohn in reply to shachi

Where do u live? I’m in the Northwest US.. That would affect what dating sites we’d know about n use. Do you want to chat privately? I think these posts are still in a common forum?

shachi
shachi in reply to SuzanneJohn

Yes, that is a good idea, thank you

Hi Shachi !!

Welcome to the group.

I'm sorry to hear about you feeling down lately.

I know that feeling well,

Trust me on it !!!!

I hope you get better very soon.

Contact me anytime you would like to.

Take care of yourself.

XxX

You may also like...