I am not quite sure how this works as this is my first post. Many years ago I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with anxiety. Although I take medication, I would occasionally have bad days emotionally. A little over two years ago my daughter moved to live with her dad to attend university. The day after I put her on a plane I woke up with the worst anxiety I had ever experienced; the attacks have not stopped and have increased in duration.
Dealing with the anxiety attacks is bad enough, but several weeks ago I went into a deep depression. I cannot seem to escape the hold this depression has on me. I have breakdowns nearly everyday. So many things are haunting my thoughts. How do I let things go? How do I overcome feeling so overwhelmed with negativity and start feeling better?
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kmr1975
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Hiya, sorry to hear about the difficult time you are facing at present. I joined this forum because a close relative was suffering from anxiety and depression and this seriously impacted on me too, and caused me to re-evaluate most aspects of my life. I find the other posters on the forum very knowledgeable, positive and supportive and there have been some really valuable comments, which have greatly helped and informed me.
When you say 'so many things are haunting my thoughts' that is something I can definitely relate to and, yes, sometimes, these thoughts can overwhelm you. I do think though that by talking about them with other people, it can help to put them into some perspective. One thing I have learned is that the things we worry about tend not to happen, and, in any case, we have no real control over events, even when we think we have. There are no magic solutions to any of this, of course, but my own experience is that we all should try to focus on creating 'positive' experiences, often simple things, and gradually the store of positives will build up and outweigh the negatives. Also, although we cannot control events, we can control how we respond to them. Again, that takes practice and repetition and I certainly am not an expert, but in combination with other things, lifestyle changes etc. it does help. It's a journey and, if we all help each other, we can get to where we want to be. Take care,
Thank you Sebastian58 for your kind and supportive reply. I understand there are things I need to do in order to overcome this depression, but the biggest obstacle to doing the positive steps is the "how." I am constantly being told I need to "let things go," or not to let things bother me. I have a horrible tendency of holding grudges which I truly despise about myself. How do I change all this? I don't even know where to start.
Hello again, I wish I could offer you a simple answer but I am no expert in this, just someone like you, I guess, trying to make sense of everything in a complicated world. But maybe this site gives like-minded people an opportunity to share ideas. I would urge you not to despise yourself nor feel guilt, because, firstly, you deserve kindness and support for your efforts and, secondly, that will hold you back. I think the 'how' is achieved by looking at a difficult situation and thinking about how you have reacted in the past e.g. by holding a grudge and then thinking about how else you could respond to make the situation better and so that you feel better about yourself. So, to give you an example of how this affects me: when I am worried about someone whom I care for, often this is manifested as annoyance and frustration on my part, which then upsets the person I care about. That's not my intention, of course. So, now that I realise this, I try not to get annoyed and express myself differently. Not easy - it takes patience and practice and I still suffer the odd lapse, but I am getting better at it, thankfully. Anyway, that's how I'm trying to change my response to situations, and I hope I don't sound patronising. Take care,
You are not patronizing in the least. Your suggestions have allowed me to realize that I’m not alone. I guess I see the changes as “teaching an old dog new tricks,” as I have been reacting to situations like this for all my adult life; obviously the wrong way. I do value your advice and greatful for your kindness.
My husband keeps telling me I have to adapt to the old saying, “fake it til you make it.” It’s so hard to even know where to begin. I’m struggling in so many aspects of my life. I have withdrawn from everyone and everything and hide in my room and have cut off all communication with most everyone I know. I’ve even been failing as a mother and have left the parenting for my husband to deal with. I feel my kids hate me and I’m scared to take the step to get out of my room and just socialize with my kids. Why am I so scared?
Hiya, we are all very flawed individuals, so please don't think that you have been doing things 'wrong.' No-one should judge you, least of all yourself. Think of it more in terms of doing things differently, in a way that will make you happier. Please don't isolate yourself though - the more you do, the more isolated and, as you say 'scared', you will become, because you are alone with your thoughts. Interacting with others will show you that there are other perspectives and help you to see things in different light. Just reach out and they will come - despite all the bad news, most people are like you, honest, decent, friendly and welcoming. Take care,
Hi, thanks for sharing, that’s a start. I don’t know how to get rid of it or how to let things go. I can easily descend back into a really negative state. To keep myself more positive I talk to a therapist, exercise almost daily, meditate daily, try sleep, cut down on sugar, always believe in better days. I’m up early with anxiety so the battle you fight is shared by many. I find focusing on it makes it worse. Take care
Hi welcome! I have anxiety as well and OCD. I dont do well with changes especially large changes. When my daughter found a career job she coukd8 turn down she moved five hours away. I too began to have a lot more anxiety and panic attacks. She has now been away for almlst two years and occasionally I still have anxiety over it. Its hard but i think for me having some sort of routine with your daughter may help. My daughter and I text and talk almost everyday. Maybe if you set a schedule of some aort for texting, talking or face timing it might help you. I also send her cards with messages inside quite often. Maybe when u are feeling down or your anxiety starts to build sit down and write your daughter a letter. This will allow you to focus on something and feel close to your daughter. Just a thought hope it helps. Try writing a journal as well of how you are feeling and why. Often writing down my thoughts helps to clear them from my mind. Take care
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