Looking for answers

[Looking4Peace]

I have struggled with anxiety' depression and suicidal thoughts for over 15 years. Everyday is an uphill battle. Everyday I wonder how my life will ever improve. Despite multiple attempts at happiness.

[jkl5500]

Welcome to the forum. You will find a lot of support here. Feel free to say what's troubling you.

[Looking4Peace in reply to jkl5500]

I have given up on happiness. And am now just am going to accept the fact my life will always be miserable. I have spent my entire Saturday just crying, cause i cant take it anymore!

[jkl5500 in reply to Looking4Peace]

I've read your profile, and I was wondering what exactly your job was in your line of work, if you don't mind my asking.

[jkl5500 in reply to Looking4Peace]

Well, maybe you do mind my asking after all. My point was that I thought your line of work would give you more insight into your personal problems, and be a big advantage for you.

[Looking4Peace in reply to jkl5500]

Sorry, after I wrote that, my migraine became so unbearable, i cpuld no longer look at my phone. I got sick to my stomach 3 times, and finally just went to bed. My work is AWFUL. I am a social worker at a behavior health nursing home. I have to share my office with 2-3 other worker. Pure chaos everyday.

[Blue-eyed-bee]

Have you ever looked into the book "the happiness trap"

[Looking4Peace in reply to Blue-eyed-bee]

No i have not. I will try to find the time. I just have so much going on right now, i cant even think straight, let a lone read a book! I am just so down. Everything in my life seems like a joke.

[Blue-eyed-bee]

it sounds bad, but I think giving up on happiness is the best bet. You have exhausted yourself trying to find it - I don't doubt how hard you've pushed yourself to achieve it. Happiness Is unstable, and being happy doesn't necessarily mean being at peace. What are your thoughts?

[jkl5500 in reply to Blue-eyed-bee]

I remember seeing a poster when I was in college that said "If you chase the butterfly of happiness, you'll never catch it. But if you sit still, it will come and land on your shoulder." I think happiness is a by-product of living a productive and purposeful life, and not an end in itself. We should aim for what gives us purpose and meaning in life, and happiness will certainly follow.

[Blue-eyed-bee in reply to jkl5500]

yeah, I think so too. I guess I better get out of bed and live that productive life now. At least for today

[Looking4Peace in reply to jkl5500]

I dont know what my meaning or purpose is. I feel as though God has led me to this career, to take care of the sick. But I can't. I am getting sicker and sicker in the process. I give up on helping people, then I really dont have a purpose. I ask myself all the time "whats the point anymore?"

[jkl5500 in reply to Looking4Peace]

You have to take care of yourself first before you can begin to help anyone else. Don't hesitate to seek therapy yourself for how you feel now. Working in a nursing home must be both stressful and depressing because of the patients' age and condition. Did you consider finding another job in your field that isn't quite so stressful? Maybe working with teenagers or young adults?

[Looking4Peace in reply to jkl5500]

I actually worked in a homeless shelter for 2 years as a case manager. Working with kids, young adults, and middle aged adults. Soooo stressful! Never ending revolving door of 90% system abusers. Example: I had a resident from another state come to my homeless shelter with her boyfriend but without her baby (left baby with aunt). After she realized she wouldn't get free housing without a child, guess what she did? SHE GOT PREGNANT SO SHE COULD QUALIFY FOR FREE HOUSING! Sorry, but that was the last straw for me. Her and her bf refused to get a job to support themselves, let alone another human being! I put my 2 weeks in and moved on to the nursing home. Just as bad. We have behavioral and mental health residents, and now the newest line of referrals are these young overdosees that hate everything and have to make everyone else miserable too. I can't find a population that I like. So many ungrateful clients/residents. I think I'm done with my line of work.

[jkl5500 in reply to Looking4Peace]

If you're done with that type of work, it's not because you haven't tried. Long ago, you felt called to this type of work, but it wasn't what you thought it would be. That's not your fault. How could you know that at the beginning? So don't beat yourself up over it. You gave it your best shot.

One idea: I volunteer at a hospice organization. I work in the office; I don't visit patients. Have you considered something like that? Probably not the most upbeat thing to do, but no freeloaders, and no miserable drugheads.

[Rpan]

My job also brings me around this patient population. I’m a health care professional as well. I so get the feeling of being trapped in a career. I often count the years I have left until retirement. With that said I too have been suffering with this for 20 plus years. Happiness is fleeting for me also. I find practicing gratitude helps to bring me closer to happiness. Practicing mindfulness with everything ( even drinking water) keeps me in the moment enough to find peace. With peace, for me , comes happiness. I would love to hear your inner dialogue and what you say to yourself when you feel this way..

[Looking4Peace in reply to Rpan]

Thank you.

[Hidden]

I had suicidal thoughts at one very bad point in my life. I started going to church and the suicidal thoughts went away, however, I continued to struggle with anxiety because I never addressed the things that originally triggered the anxiety. I kept trying to handle it myself but since I worked it out in therapy things are much better. You must deal with what originally caused your anxiety no matter how far back it goes. My problems originated from my childhood and early young adult life. It will get better, do not avoid, deal with the issues. Hoping and praying for healing and health for you.

[Pglady28025]

Hello! I’m a 16 year survivor of moderate to severe anxiety/depression. The panic attacks and the depression that follow started in the hospital after I had my son. Terrible, countless episodes. There are many, many of us out there to help bounce ideas off of and listen to you. I have a question for you. What would your definition of happiness/peace look like? Maybe it could help you vocalize what things in your life are adding to your stress and hopefully help you make a game plan to try and change some things. I’m sending good vibes your way, praying you feel better.

[Dubba61]

Hi, i gave up looking for happiness a long time ago. These days i look for contentment. I think it's a more realistic thing to aim for as happiness is at best fleeting and at worst unobtainable.best wishes Dee😊🌻✌️

[Coach8020]

I am so sorry for your difficulties. Only those that know how anxiety and depression feels can fully understand people like you, I and so many others on this forum. That said, suicidal thoughts are a normal response. But they are only thoughts caused by your (our) condition, and are a coping mechanism of the mind that is not based on reality. Consider that people have all kinds of thoughts from being a rock star to climbing mountains. But that does not mean they have any intention of actually wanting to follow through on the thought. So let thoughts of suicide flow in and out of your mind and just let them go away. It's O.K. As far as life improving, hang in there, use this website every day, and you will feel better. Thank you for posting because if I help you, I feel better, too.