Things process at the most unexpected times

[Agdgrl]

This holiday weekend was insane for me. Had my sister and family visit. I had an anxiety attack at seeing her again. Then it hit me, every time she visits, I relive her leaving me behind in foster care. It was when I truly felt abandoned by my family.

[fauxartist]

omg honey.....my heart just breaks for you....my mother left me in foster care when I was very young repeatedly...she would only come back to put me in another place and then leave again. I understand abandonment issues deeply. Have you ever talked about this in therapy, or read any books or articles about abandonment issues. It's a terribly deep wound that never really completely heals...it's in the limbic region of the brain, which is very primal...and when we are triggered....we react. Your anxiety is understandable ....but there is sooo much more with the pain re-lived each time you see your sister. It sounds like your hurting and I can honestly say how sorry I am that you are....no child should ever be given away, you can pm me any time if you want to talk more.

[Agdgrl in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you, after that I ended up aging out of the system because no one would take me in.

[Pinkink]

Family is tough! I am sorry you went through that. I have abandonment issues as well. Family is the biggest trigger. Especially since I am the one with "all the problems" it seems that they feel left off the hook for their past and present actions. I find that seeing them on my terms helps. When I name the place and time and length of the visit, that little bit of control helps. I do not invite them to my home because then I cannot step away. I go to their houses (park where I won't get blocked in) or meet them somewhere else. When I go to my brothers house, I set a time limit for myself and make sure I have plans so I have no made up excuses (lies) to leave. Even if it is a date with myself to play my guitar or watch a movie, I put it on my calendar with an audible alarm and that's my cue. I just say "I have a date" and leave them wondering.

[fauxartist in reply to Pinkink]

Pinkink: That is 'exactly' what my therapist told me to do a number of years ago....and it is 'excellent' advice...worked great every time,...and still does. It kept me at my comfort level, and you can't imagine how good it feels to say...'Well....it's been great...but gotta go!...not feeling guilty or trapped or obligated, none of that crap....your just free

[CazO46]

I'm sorry to hear your pain and I too can understand, I was separated from my sister when I was 5 and was 6. We only got to see on another a few times a year and it was traumatic every time we had to leave again. As adults we are now very close probably due to our shared experience. I have also used therapy to talk through my feelings and found it helpful. My very best wishes to you X