Loner

[CactusDan]

I am crying so much. I feel so lonely. Yes, i have family. But i can’t say what I feel to them because they worry a lot. I texted my friends, even not those close ones with these words, “i’m so bored with my life. Send help. 😭” but they are not responding. Seems like i have no one. 😭 i should focusing myself with my review but I can’t focus, whenever i try doing it so, i only end up using my phone, stalking my ex, overthinking things. And making myself even worst. 😭

[kar_]

I don't mean to laugh but haha I chuckled when you said when you try to focus you just use your phone and get on social media to stalk an ex because I've so been there. Like so many nights in the library when I was in undergrad I'd do the exact thing you are now. I'd be like the only one in there crying and freaking out, feeling so alone. Even though your friends aren't responding, I'm here. What's on your mind and what are you feeling?

[CactusDan in reply to kar_]

We broke up for like 2months now. But it is not the normal one that is why it is hard for me to accept things. He decided to stopped talking to me. And it is bullsh*t because all I want is for us to make it a formal breakup. I mean formal, like personally. But he can’t do it. Because I know he don’t really want us to breakup. And that feels shitty because i really don’t know what he wants. 😭

And for now, i just want to go somewhere. Have some long drives with a friend. But no one seemed to be available. i’m so bored with my life like i exercise everyday at our house but it seems to be not helping for me to enjoy life at home. :(((

[kar_ in reply to CactusDan]

Aww, I understand. You sound like you desperately need closure, to either move on or feel hope of continuing the relationship. Did he just out of the blue stop talking to you or were things tough for some time? How long has it been since you both talked?

But yes, drives with a friend are the best - some good music, maybe comfort food, talking all night. Just close your eyes and pretend we are on a drive. I will too. Then we will be on a drive together in our minds, lol. Too funny.

You sound like you're going stir crazy which is something I feel so often. Bored, lifeless, numb. I get it. Does listening to music help you at all or make you feel worse? Often times when I get like that I have to distract myself and mindlessly watch YouTube videos or get on Pinterest.

[CactusDan in reply to kar_]

Yup you’re right... I don’t know what to feel and to expect about us. I just want to make things clearer for me. Because aside with this breakup, i failed my board exam. And the feels of it is not really good. That is when i started having panic attacks. He stopped talking to me when he said he wanted to breakup and i said let us do it personally. And that was way back january. I thought I am getting okay, but it’s getting harder as time goes by.

I can’t find anything that can help me distract myself. All music seems to be related with all the things that messes me up. And even movies. I don’t know...

I really don’t want to feel things. I am so tired of feeling everything.. 😭

[CactusDan in reply to kar_]

Btw, thanks for being here. I appreciate you.

[kar_]

In time you may just need to clear things up for yourself and decide your own fate by walking away permanently. I know it may not be what you want but it may be what's best for your personal security. I'm sorry to hear you failed your board exam but is there a way you can retake it?

I know what you mean about distracting yourself. It's been hard for me to find ways, as well, so I've kind of been just sailing on trying new things. I found cleaning my environment spotless helps me. I also listen to ASMR on YouTube. I don't know if you've ever heard of it but it's incredibly healing for me just to listen to someone talk in a soothing way. If you're interested, I recommend GentleWhispering, WhispersRed, Karuna Satori or Heather Feather. It may not be your cup of tea but it's worth a shot :). It's distracting sound, unlike music which can kind of be emotionally triggering at times.

And you're welcome. If you ever want to chat, feel free to message me. I apologize for dozing off. I haven't been sleeping well as of late so it was about time, haha. I hope you're doing well.

[CactusDan in reply to kar_]

I’m actually getting there. Moving on you know. Little by little.. Yup i can retake it, it’s just hard to do it again thinking you shouldn’t be doing it again if you didn’t failed. I haven’t failed any acads before. Actually, i excel in my batch. Then this happened. That is why I was so down and all the feels are in me.

I will try those type of music. Thank you so much.

[Dragon1940]

I know it is hard miss, especially when you feel so isolated & alone, it's hard to see how life has potential in store for you. But I am here to tell you it does, look at the person who responded to you & helped you, they care, it may not seem like it but you do have someone here as displayed with this person who responded ^ & now me too perhaps your friends are too preoccupied with things to respond or perhaps they haven't even seen your text, but do not feel lonely miss for truly you are not alone, there are people here... wonderful people who know what your going through & can help you out of the situation that often they themselves have been in before, so please feel better & have a wonderful day/night miss

[CactusDan in reply to Dragon1940]

I know. I know. And I am really thankful that i’ve seen this community. Thank you so much for being here. And for understanding my situation. I hope you have a wonderful day/night too.

[Dragon1940 in reply to CactusDan]

Of course its my pleasure to make you feel better! & thank you miss!

[CactusDan in reply to Dragon1940]

You’re most welcome