I'm So, So SAD ((Warning - May Have Triggers))

As I type this, I am crying so hard. This mental illness has literally ruined my entire life. Why?? I just can not handle this. Why do we have to live with constant sadness and fear? No matter if life is good or bad, it always feels terrible. I was in the hospital for 20 days (in February) following an attempted suicide, then I was in partial hospitalization for a few weeks. Coming back to 'real life' is kicking my butt. I miss my dear son terribly. I have no support other than my psychiatrist and psychologist ((and of course you guys)). I just don't see the point in pushing and pushing like this. I wake up everyday and feel it all hit me again. Like I am stuck in a nightmare and just can't wake up. It hurts. It beyond hurts. Nothing I do will take away the pain. I'd rather have a terminal illness instead of this hell. My mother is mad at me and is ZERO support. My dad doesn't get mental illness. Thank you for letting me vent. No one else gets me, at all. I hate being alone in this hell.

7 Replies

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  • You are not alone as I know all too well how debilitating these disorders can be! I have been dealing with this on and off for 25 years, so I feel your pain. I have been hospilized 3 times myself and had to take a whole month off my job one year.Continue to reach out to those that do understand. Maybe you can get your dad some literature to explain in depth what you are going through and how it affects your life. Your life is worth living, you just need a little relief from this nagging disease. Brighter days are coming although it seems it takes forever to reach them. Are you on meds and do they help?

  • Thank you Nessy. Yes, I am on four meds. They help, but do not cure :-( Thanks again for your kind reply.

  • I am so sorry you feel so alone. Please be assured that you are not. I understand your feelings completely. I have been where you are and this has been a repeated pattern in my life. It is incredibly hard to believe this BUT you are a unique, capable, and special and you can fight this monster that attempts to defeat us. That is how I think of my mental illness - a monster. It may require taking 1 minute, 1 breath, 1 moment at a time. But I believe by traveling this path it has made us stronger and more compassionate. Please keep reaching out. Please keep fighting for your life. A favorite line from a movie I love. You is Good, You is Kind, You is Important.

  • The last sentence from AmIafreak is very important. It is from the movie "The Help".

  • Thank you so much for your reply. This disease IS a monster - you are SO right. Your post is very encouraging. Thanks again.

  • These 3 supports are enough reasons to pushing forward

  • Thank you Atulbuddy :-)

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