As I type this, I am crying so hard. This mental illness has literally ruined my entire life. Why?? I just can not handle this. Why do we have to live with constant sadness and fear? No matter if life is good or bad, it always feels terrible. I was in the hospital for 20 days (in February) following an attempted suicide, then I was in partial hospitalization for a few weeks. Coming back to 'real life' is kicking my butt. I miss my dear son terribly. I have no support other than my psychiatrist and psychologist ((and of course you guys)). I just don't see the point in pushing and pushing like this. I wake up everyday and feel it all hit me again. Like I am stuck in a nightmare and just can't wake up. It hurts. It beyond hurts. Nothing I do will take away the pain. I'd rather have a terminal illness instead of this hell. My mother is mad at me and is ZERO support. My dad doesn't get mental illness. Thank you for letting me vent. No one else gets me, at all. I hate being alone in this hell.