I can't take most people's advice. - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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I can't take most people's advice.

25 Replies

Anytime someone suggests something I almost never do it because I think "that won't work or me" or I've tried it or something like it once or twice and no longer have any motivation to get it going to to try it again.

Why can't I take people's advice?!? Why can't I just get off my ass and actually do something!? Why can't I just stop?!!

I just want to stop trying.

25 Replies
HearYou profile image
HearYou

The title of your post sounds just like my older brother and he's still working at 70, rides a motorcycle, makes great mashed potatoes and raised two good girls into women. Still won't take advice; wants to figure it out on his own. When he came back at 19 from Viet Nam he went to bed. That's it. Bed. No advice, no encouragement would help. One day he was ready and went to school on the VA benefits.

So what are you asking? Just don't like the suggestions offered? This is not a big box store where you can shop around for hours looking for something, but not know what.

Why won't you get off your "ass"? Have no idea. Weren't shot at in war as practically a kid; not locked away in jail?

Sometimes we just have to put on our big boy clothes on and do it. Just do it. Do it and do something, I don't care what. Want to bet if you just get up and do it for 90 days, you'll just do it out of habit and will find many things of interest and support and help and just plain enjoyment that you can move your body any way you want.

Not everything is complicated. (I'm sending matches and a kerosene lamp to your house to light under your "ass" for the first week.) :)

Nike: just do it. :)

in reply to HearYou

I don't get off my "ass" because I have no motivation.

It's not that I want to do it on my own it's just I don't think the advice would work for me or I've tried it once or twice and it didn't do anything for me.

I pretty much just want a step by step list of what to do, but those don't exist. (By "step by step" I mean EVERYTHING I'd have to do)

Technically my life is pretty great and I shouldn't be depressed, or atleast this depressed. Because I don't take most advice from others, part of me thinks the rest of me wants to be depressed or is just trying to punish me. I don't know.

It makes me feel ungrateful and selfish, which makes me more angry at my self.

I personally believe I am a waste of valuable human organs, so I don't see a point in "just doing it". Plus, I find anything I might "just do" extremely unpleasant in some way. For example, exercise.

Plus, I can't just make myself do something, I have to have some kind of motivation.

Things may be inherently simple, but my brain makes things complicated.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

in reply to

I'm just so tired.

HearYou profile image
HearYou in reply to

I agree with everything you just said... What I read is you are somewhat lazy, want someone to lead you around and tell you exactly what to do , every step by step. Let me ask you a strange, straight forward question: what motivates you to get and eat and then to a bathroom and eventually shit?

Think you should have a conversation with every recruiter of every arm of our military forces and choose the best enlistment package. There you will find the structure, step by step instructions you seek, and many ways to develop motivation.

in reply to HearYou

Sometimes I skip meals. If I get out of bed I just lay on the couch. I go to the bathroom because my blatter finds the feeling of almost bursting extremely uncomfortable.

Honestly that doesn't sound like a bad deal. But you have to have like a minimum level of physical strength (like a minimum number of pull ups) to join just about any branch?

HearYou profile image
HearYou in reply to

If you have the motivation to go to the bathroom when you are uncomfortable, you have the motivation to check out the recuiting offices. I'm not a bird, trying to swallow and then spit it down the infant hatchling's throat . Go find out. I am beginning to believe you are just plain lazy: really, how pathetic, asking me and expecting me to find out what the military requires just to even have you enlist? Questioning if they will even want you if you don't change your mindset.

This venue is for support; appears the best support you can have is a swift kick in the *ss.

in reply to HearYou

I am pretty lazy (or atleast I think so), but just so ya know I have a really good bladder.

Also I asked you if you knew because you sound like you know about that army/military.

kar_ profile image
kar_

HearYou, you're incredibly condescending, rude and borderline verbally abusive to someone who clearly has a mental illness, which is cowardly at best in a community such as this. The military isn't for everyone and there is no putting on "big boy pants" for someone whose brain doesn't produce the proper chemicals for every day functioning. It isn't laziness, it's an illness like any other. Telling someone with a mental illness to just do it or that they're pathetic for experiencing symptoms of depression when the brain controls the body is like telling a diabetic to just "put their big boy pants on" and optimally process sugar on their own without medication or treatment. Mooolly, don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes you can only merely exist. When my depression wasn't properly treated, I often skipped meals, didn't shower, etc. and just could not pull myself out of bed. Often I just blankly stared at the ceiling. But there is hope. You just have to find what works for you, even though you have no motivation to. Who would when they feel like they're a waste of space? But I assure you, Mooolly, you're not.

HearYou profile image
HearYou in reply to kar_

Everyone is born with certain things; one is an opinion. And you expressed yours with gusto. If you are a medical professional, more power to you, as you know what was actually happening here. If you are not a medical professional, you may wish to reread the string to understand what was actually happening. Eighteen posts in a pattern in a mere 2.5 months a few replies each time. Have a good St. Patrick Day. After some thought, why do you think no one else was replying to Mooolly. That is a professional sincere question. And you have just told her/him it's alright to just to exist. (sigh) (Feel like I'm beating my head against a wall.)

Bye Mooollly, wish you the best. Name calling kar feels he/she has a better grasp of things happening, so I'll step aside and see if she/he is right.

in reply to HearYou

If ya wanna be technical no one is born with an opinion. Baby's are only trying to survive with basic skills.

Hearyou, what do you think was actually happening in the string?

Are you a medical professional?(genuine question)

Sometimes all a depressed person can do is exist until they find what motivates them to change (for better or for worse).

Also, btw, I'm a girl.

HearYou profile image
HearYou in reply to

Ask kar,

Your first 2 sentences did not catch the common rhetorical saying that everyone is born with an opinion. Second question, is yes. The third statement is that is very debatable. Your last statement, your gender was never mentioned. So sorry, I corrected the one time I referred to you as"him". Sorry.

Now just stick with kar.

in reply to HearYou

But you're available and I ask you 2 questions. It's impolite not to answer them.

in reply to

*asked

HearYou profile image
HearYou in reply to

Ask kar.

in reply to HearYou

Why?

HearYou profile image
HearYou in reply to

Ask kar.

in reply to HearYou

Why?

I can do this all night

HearYou profile image
HearYou in reply to HearYou

But I won't. :) This is not a game with me. I take any reply I given with very serious thought and consideration based on my experience and education., even if they seem different or rough.

Ask kar. Kar blasted me, so must know more than me to do that. And gave you the advice you liked. You changed horses mid steam, Go with the horse who gave you the reply you liked. It's ok. Just stay with kar.

in reply to HearYou

Who said I prefered Kar's advice more than yours?

I take in all suggestions but I usually don't use any of it (at the post says) but I listen to everything.

I'm trying to ask you questions so I can understand better.

kar_ profile image
kar_ in reply to HearYou

Don't condescend to me, HearYou. I'm a highly educated woman, thank you very much, and don't appreciate it. If you're a professional as you claim, then I'd like some proof of your credentials because any mental health professional I've worked with (and there have been plenty) have NEVER called me pathetic or suggested my depression could be mitigated by a "kick in the ass." Your petty response and mentioning me in Mooolly's other post just serves to highlight what I previously stated - which, frankly, is also bullying and that's the last thing someone on this community needs. I, for one, have had quite enough of that in my time, thank you, and didn't come to an "Anxiety and Depression Support Group" to receive more of it.

Further, my response didn't just have to do with the way you responded to Mooolly specifically. It has to do with the fact that people like me can publicly see your response to Mooolly. The line of thought behind calling someone lazy, pathetic and told that a "kick in the ass is needed" for experiencing similar symptoms to Mooolly's is the main reason I didn't seek treatment until well into my college years because I thought I was just lazy, pathetic and worthless instead of mentally ill, at which point I only sought treatment because I planned and tried to take my own life.

My father was a marine and said similar things about mental illness to me my whole childhood that you did to Mooolly ... and, frankly, to see it on a support community that I recently came to for support and compassion, is incredibly triggering and also disheartening.

kar_ profile image
kar_ in reply to kar_

If this particular method of "motivation" is helpful for Mooolly, perhaps it's best to continue the conversation via private message for the aforementioned reasons.

HearYou profile image
HearYou in reply to kar_

Yes, you could have communicated with Moolly via private message if you were so concerned and thought my approach was incorrect, but you chose not too. You took a pot shot at me, then disappeared. You are doing it again now. I am serious, if you think you can help her, please use your suggestion of private messenger.

Now you are back, appear to be defensive about yourself, challenging my background, and angry about your personal history. And because of what you have said, I don't believe you have read my posts and replies, as you have no idea of my challenges.

This is a support group, and support comes in many ways. This is not a war zone.

I had a positive, supportive goal in reply to Moolly; the few other replies she received were very good words of support, but did not change anything. That's not what she wanted. xx

kar_ profile image
kar_ in reply to HearYou

You missed my entire point. That's fine. I wish you well on your journey. Peace to you.

Who said I prefered Kar's advice more than yours?

I take in all suggestions but I usually don't use any of it (at the post says) but I listen to everything.

I'm trying to ask you questions so I can understand better.

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54

Hi I have looked back on your posts and you seem to have received a number of replies to the vast majority. I am not having a go but just wondering how many others members posts you have responded to?

There are reasons sometimes why someone can't reply - maybe coz they are too ill? Sometimes too depression and anxiety make you too self absorbed and inward looking to try and help others.

Some (like me) don't like replying to unlocked posts like yours. If it is unlocked then your post and all the replies can appear in full anywhere on the net and be read by all and sundry. To lock it to this community only you need to click on this when you post as the default button is set to all.

To amend it click on 'more' underneath your post, edit, amend then repost. When it is locked a little padlock will appear next to your post. x

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