I hate feelings

[Koolkatz13]

I’m a recovering alcoholic and the reason I drank was aniexty- drinking numbed it out , however it nearly killed me , I’m 35 and female , I glad to be sober . I can’t stop thinking I’ve aniexty and ptsd my dad died of alcohol liver failure at 42 ,my mum was never there for me - men came before me - I don’t want to drink but my brain never stops - I can’t relax it’s horrible,some days are hell others not as bad . My partner 20 yrs is a calm man who can’t understand why I worry all the time - does anybody else feel like this love to all .

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry your hurting, don't dismay my friend, I understand what your talking about, I'm in recovery and have been for a few decades now. Listen....sometimes we need more help than what program can help us with after we get sober. Without compromising your sobriety, you can go to a therapist and get help with depression or anxiety. It says in the BB, medications under a doctors supervision if necessary do not compromise your sobriety. I am on antidepressants, they don't make me high, they help me stay calmer so I can deal with my CPTSD, depression, anxiety, abandonment issues, sexual,physical, and verbal abuse....none of which I could cope with and stay sober without getting help for from my therapist. I self medicated with booze and pills for years, almost put me six feet under. I'm an old hippie from back in the day when sex drugs and rock and roll were just an excepted way of life, and we all paid the price for it years down the road. We were all either dead, still addicted, or in recovery.

Talk to your doctor about getting a referral to a therapist who works with those in recovery and understand that you cannot be prescribed addictive drugs, and that your sobriety depends on it.

[Koolkatz13 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you for your reply, I’m on the waiting list for cbt - think that might help I attempted suicide when I tried to come of 5 mg diazepam been on it since 14 it on record never to be upped - I had to have morphine in hospital for acute pancreatitis which was worse pain than child birth I’ve 3 children, I’ve been sober 9 years and it’s been very up and down been with boyfriend nearly 21 he doesn’t drink at all which is good my daughter who is 18 I’ve caught with codine which worries me as she is showing addiction traits said it was for headaches - it actually causes headaches- I’ve wanted to take her to AA but she will not “ go to a cult” which it isn’t i first went at 19 got 3 years then relapse due to taper of benzo that caused ptsd - it was the worst thing I’ve ever had in my life luckily I’m still here , I live in fear a lot - I have trust issues with GPS and authorities I’ve never been in trouble, just fear I guess - I do step 10 every night and gratitude list - some days are good some terrible- I’m so glad to be sober though . My pancreatitis I take enzymes to help it work - I stay away from morphine it made the pain go in hospital but I felt mentally depressed from it no high which is a good thing . I just stick to paracetamol and healthy food I am very under weight but eating hurts , wow it’s been a journey today was my first day on this site and it helps . Much love in recovery

[fauxartist in reply to Koolkatz13]

Yes, you are having a heck of a time, I'm sorry about you having to endure the pain, I can't even imagine the pain. Your a heck of a strong person to go through that. As for your daughter, kids just do what they do at a certain age, and all you can do is let them know you love them. But for sure set your boundaries about drugs in the house or her coming home loaded. As much as they just don't understand your love for her is what breaks your heart when you know she may be going down that road of addiction.

[BabygirlCynt]

We have similar circumstances. May not be easy to do but it's just time to fight and get back in the saddle!!!