Hello, Just checking this out

[Freefall88]

I thought I'd see what this was all about. Honestly growing up I never thought I'd find myself where I'm at but that's how the cookie crumbles.

Well how to start....I'm coming up on 30, single and no kids, have had health issues so the company had to replace me I worked for awhile ago, could get my unemployment but to proud plus you can't get it in my area if your doctor says your still ill, refuse to sign up for anything do to again pride so right now I'm in debt, no apartment or home so with family at my age which is embarrassing, and failed relationship to boot. So I've been doing with a combo of A and D. Neglecting my health, not wanting to move, anti social and over thinking everything and all the emotions and thinking of the past. The relationship just ended 2weeks ago but that's a whole story on its own. One of the things that seem to be bothering me is that everywhere I look people are doing well now...it makes my head hurt and I think...."How did it come to this" "Where did I go Wrong" then I think wow I'm coming on 30 and this is where I'm at. I've dealt with issues before. Battled all my life from a kid up with everything and I did my best to do it right. However this is the first time I've felt truly defeated. Though I still have one of the strangest human emotions "HOPE".

It's odd....I used to be the person that helped people with their problems and gave them an ear...now here I am and I have no one near me to do the same so....that's why I thought "What the Hell" and now I'm here posting.

[Agora1]

I'm glad you are giving us a try. I think it will help you in not feeling so alone in what you are going through. The forum is made up of men and woman of all ages with many of the same issues that you can relate to. It is a safe, caring and understanding group. We share our journeys in life both the ups and the downs. We look forward to being there for you as we are for each other. Know that you are never alone. x

[Freefall88 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for the welcome.

[BeenthereB4]

Hi FreeFall88 I too just joined the group to see how others are coping with their issues and hoping to be more a source of hope and support then anything else. I feel your pain and your expressed sense of not being where "society " expects you to be. I can relate to much of what you are saying though I am sure our struggles are different . If I can offer some support and perhaps a change in perspective. I know we are not supposed to give advice but I feel you may not be realizing your true potential.

From the way you write- you sound intelligent and thoughtful. These are 2 rare traits to find in people. There are a lot of "nice" people out there but not many who go out of their way to help others. And you probably have empathy for others since you have been through the same yourself. This is also the "golden unicorn" of personality traits- most people have sympathy but haven't a clue what it means to empathize with someone who is struggling.

I'm sorry to hear about the relationship- these can be crushing. But I hope you don't see being married and having kids as signs of success. While there are happy moments they are riddled with stressful moments. Not everyone is meant to be married or to have kids. Hopefully you'll do what you want when it comes to this and not try to meet a "norm" in society.

I am also anti-social and I know it. That doesn't mean I am not friendly- I just don't crave conversation about trivial things. there is nothing wrong with this. Our world has introverts and extroverts and introverts will admit that being social is exhausting. Its ok to accept this- social people are not better or smarter than us.

A great way to learn is to make mistakes and learn from them- I bet you won't make the same mistake twice.

If we are going to succeed in society - we need to give society what it is looking for- for me it felt like an act at first but it works. Society does and always will judge us by how we look and act- so look the part- Keep the thoughts of inadequacy and failure to ourselves and give them the strong confident well dressed and groomed person they are looking for -smile, make eye contact, and give a strong hand shake. Go the extra mile - every employer is looking for this person( trust me I could never find this person as a supervisor).

Remember - Our thoughts become our reality. I thought of what I wanted to become, who I wanted to out do or model and I began toward that goal with small steps- overcoming little things at first and the bigger things. I wrote things down how I wanted to change and reviewed them each day . Thinking positively feels a whole lot better than thinking negatively - but we can only think one way at time so choose wisely...

If you pursue something that interests you - you will very likely succeed. Its the motivation to do something that gets us up every morning...what motivates you?

Get fit -if your health problem allows- exercise reduces stress, brings more oxygen to the brain giving you more creative thoughts and best of all it gives you energy and drive. One of the symptoms of my condition is weakness and poor endurance due to poor muscle development which frankly I resented and pissed me off - so I worked like a dog - the harder I worked the better I got at everything, it improved my attention, cleared up my thinking, gave me more positive thoughts, improved my self confidence. I ended up outperforming >90% of the so-called "normal/successful" people. Though if you get too good at this others will start resenting you for outperforming them so everything in moderation.

Each of us are more capable than we think we are. I would encourage you to give YOU an out for your troubles and try to focus on the good that you have.

Past "mistakes" have no predictive value on what lies in store for your future.

Sorry to rant...but i just believe in people...especially good people!

Welcome!

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry your going through all this, but you have a lot on your plate my friend, your dealing with an illness, lost your job over it, and now a relationship. Sure you can feel defeated, but your not, your just having a lot of stuff all at once happening, and it's going to take some time to sort it all out. You say you live in hope, that's the first step. Let yourself grieve, maybe get some help with that, forget about the pride, seriously, talk to your doctor, even if it's temporary to get some antidepressants to help smooth out the emotional roller coaster to clear some space in your head to deal with your issues one at a time. Your most recent one was a break up...you need to grieve the loss there. The saving grace is you do have a place to live till you get your life back on track. Your heath issues need to be worked out, if this is something you will have to live with, find a way to work around it, eventually think of a way to support yourself where your health issues will not be a problem. Eventually you will get back on your feet. But now you need time to deal with all these emotions. Your not a failure, your just going through a lot of crap all at the same time. We still have a 30 year old living with us, and it's because she doesn't want to grow up, so don't beat yourself down over living at home temporarily...at least you want to have your life back.

[Freefall88]

Yes sharing and mostly helping others has helped. Thank you for asking. Just taking it one step at a time.