Help.

[nicolada421]

I’m 26, engaged, and I’ve struggled with anxiety since childhood and depression since high school. Despite counseling and therapy my fiancé doesn’t seem to understand that there are certain things that I just can’t handle. It’s very frustrating because I feel like every time I call him out I’m nagging, I often feel like he’ll think I’ll “just get over it” and maybe someday it will get easier but right now I’m just struggling. His lack of support and understanding makes it hard for me to talk to him, since he’s so quick to dismiss my feelings. I need support not advice. I know what I feel isn’t “normal” but it’s still real to me. Any advice?

[mo9012]

What you feel IS normal, to me and to many other people. You aren’t crazy or pushy or a burden. If your fiancé can’t understand but tries to, that’s one thing, but if he will not attempt to have more compassion and understanding please explain to him how you feel and how much that hurts. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel safe and secure, not more anxious and annoying. YOU come first.

[nicolada421]

Thank you! I do feel like he tries, but he gets so caught up in trying to fix things or give advice that he forgets that he needs to be supportive. It seems to be one of those things we have to talk about a lot and it’s exhausting.

[mo9012 in reply to nicolada421]

As long as he is trying and you know that you can make it work with someone who is doing what they can, it will be ok in the end. Love will push you through.

[nimon]

Hi thanks for sharing. My opinion is you should expect a loving, compassionate and supportive spouse but I don't think you can expect them to understand or provide the right advice. I'm divorced. I've had anxiety since I was young and I've battled depression since my teens. If you are with someone who doesn't have your problems be happy. Why would you want them to suffer. Now if they don't understand depression here's where potential problems begin. My ex-wife learned to put up with my moods and even learned how to read me. It was exhausting for her. I pulled her into my world and she didn't know how to cope. Eventually things fell apart when we had kids. She no longer had the will or energy to deal with me. Now we are both happy in our separate lives and the kids are doing great. I have found a new relationship with someone who sleeps like a baby, no problems, and constantly smiles. Yes she doesn't have my problems as well. I've learned how to shield her. How to stop myself from drawing her into my world. She sees my struggle and cares for me. She drags me out of the house to socialize. You see this is my battle and I actually don't want people to understand because I don't want them to suffer. I see a psychologist to help me through my tough times. Finding someone who understands to talk to who is not your spouse is a way to shield them or allow them to not take all of the issues on themselves. My spouse can't help. I make it my goal to be mentally strong for her and my kids. I don't hide it put I take it head on. Be careful because love is a flame and depression may have the ability to blow it out. Take care.