Anxiety Sucks

[SkyeDiamonds]

Today was another bad day. I can't control it, it just pours out of me. Fear and regret, dread and hopelessness, anger and rage.

I had a life altering experience, something that brings joy to your life, which it has but also it's brought me misery. Having a baby carried more than I expected but please know I can't imagine my life without her now.

The problem lies with me. I'm selfish.

I was was hospitalized for my mental illness a couple months ago. I have dealt with depression for 15 years, anxiety for 3 and now I have been diagnosed with impulse control disorder. I went to a very dark place after having a baby. My husband abandoned me emotionally because I was dragging him down. I had no one in my corner. I finally got on medication and have leveled out. But everyday I am on a cliff. So close to falling over and ending up back in that dark place.

Today I woke up scared that I was going to lose everything because my husband was angry with me, I can not deal with the fear of being left alone again. I cried for hours in a panic, completely out of proportion to the situation. I'm tired of my brain and feeling out of control.

[hypercat54]

You are not selfish - you are ill. Is this PP depression? The problem isn't in you. Remind your uncaring husband that this is not your fault and is not something you want. Tell him getting angry with you is just making you worse. Tell him how he can help you if you haven't already.

If he won't or can't support you do you have any family and/or friends who can? Remember you are not to blame for this and deserve kindness, understanding and help, not censure. x