Could be the start of it ending.

[Shanm2]

Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't dream of blaming anyone for My Depressive state of mind. As i know it's only my thoughts that have trapped itself in my own mind, and i'm sure there is many other people that get frustrated or annoyed at people because they don't quite understand what it is that's got this grip on you.

Now i'm sure i'm not the first to be told to just "snap out of it" and sadly wont be the last. This really doesn't help. just make everything seem worse. its as though we have chose to not get out of bed, get dressed and be outside with the world.

Lately i've been told that i need a kick up the bum and sort myself out, i already know this of course. So today i woke up and didn't want to leave my bed. But i did. Made coffee and went for a walk and instead of going back to bed i have spent most of the day being busy trying not to give in to the tiredness that has been with me since i open my eyes.

Now back to the not blaming anyone, i would just like to note down that i have spent the last year going though situations that where emotionally and mentally damaging to me. Again i was told that I'm an adult and bad things will happen in life, and i accept this. Only i can choose how to deal with these issues. and its a real struggle however i notice that it may take me longer to deal with these "bad things" but i know deep down, no matter how long my depressive state continues that eventually i will breathe and pick up the pieces and carry on walking.

So this morning i looked up as the sunrise began and looked a the pinky sky and said "Beautiful sky, Beautiful life"

Now don't get my wrong, tomorrow i may wake up and not want to get up, But for today, I'm Just trying my best to not wish another day away.

I really needed to get this out. And for anyone who feels/felt the way i currently do, Please know that this page your stuck on wont be your last, There's a whole book to be written. Sunrise or sunset the sight is so beautiful that only people who look beyond will see light in the moon or sun because it shine ever so brightly to us in such darkness.

Thank you x

[Simonn]

Nice post wish you peace and happiness

[Shanm2 in reply to Simonn]

Thank you, i hope you are doing well, and i wish you the same

[HearYou]

Read your post slowly twice. Thank you. Woudn't it be welcomed to have someone who knew and accepted to be a walking partner .

[Shanm2 in reply to HearYou]

It would be, for sure, Thank you for your response, Hope you are doing well x

[AwakenedExistence]

First I would like to say that you never have to justify your feelings, ever. Sure, situations and things always happen to people and is it really "our choice" in how we deal with and react to it? To an extent. Anger, for instance. We have the couch to respond with anger and frustration or kindness and understanding. Some emotional responses are under our control. But when things happen around us, to our loved ones, or to us, we are affected by it. A knee jerk emotional response isn't what we are talking about here. We are talking about the weight and toll that life just has on us, as people. Weight and toll, experiences both neg. and pos. weigh on us. Some people have been taught or learned how to hide emotions better, disconnect from the, not feel some as strong, etc. Some feel it more. And depression adds another layer that is not understood by most, as you have experienced by what you are saying. A small thing that one person can let roll off their back could rock someone else's entire world. We are all different, all have differing stories and experiences so we all experience pain and trauma in a different way and for different reasons. So go ahead and talk about what has happened in your life. Open up about these experiences. You are not alone, and no one will judge you and think you should just "get over it". I have heard it all and I've been there, too. Talking about what affects you isn't blaming someone for how you feel!

[Shanm2 in reply to AwakenedExistence]

Thank you for your response, i have read it over and over again, and have found some comfort in your words, Hope you are well, and again Thank you for your words