Ironically, I studied psychology and science in college for 5 years. Never finished. So not only do I struggle myself but I am armed with mass knowledge and understanding yet it still “got me”. Yesterday a friend on here motivated me to set two small goals for my day. I almost chickened out 100 times and it literally took every minute and every ounce of my energy to accomplish them. Wash my hair and make it to the living room for the super bowl. Was it enjoyable? Absolutely NOT! I was never happier to get to my bed so the trembling, constant thoughts, and feeling on the verge of panic could hopefully subside even a little! Yesterday really genuinely sucked and was traumatic! But you know what? TODAY... TODAY... I woke up with a different type of feeling! I woke up w a small sense of accomplishment from yesterday. It took until today to feel it and I am rewarding myself with allowing myself to relax and spend the day in my bed and room in my comfort zone. So I decided.. I am setting goals for every other day ... I will make it through a goal day and reward myself with a “vacation” day. I can hold on to the looking forward of my relax day coming to help push me through my tough day. I mean, at the gym they take a day off after leg day right? I make it through the push knowing tomorrow will be a break! This way I’m not in constant push mode and overwhelm myself. So for now... a “vacation day” will be my reward if I make it through a goal day. This post sounds absolutely absurd and irrational and illogical! But ... I am here and this is somehow my reality! I guess it’s bringing out my creative thinking side... in an odd way that I would’ve never chose! Baby steps.