Trying to understand and help my husband with his anxiety

[Nlin87]

This is my first time on here and I'm here because I have been wanting to reach out and get more info to help my husband cope with his anxiety. He had always been a quiet guy from the time that we met 7 years ago until now. He didn't tell me that he had anxiety and panic attacks until about 3 years ago but I had known that something was bothering him, he just seemed to be avoiding the issue. I have been reading online info in hopes to better understand what he is going through. I have tried to talk to him to see if there is anything I can do to help or see if there is something he wants to talk about and he just says no. I'm trying very hard to be patient and supportive but it's very frustrating when he shuts down and won't talk to me or want to get help (medication/therepy). Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas? Anything could be helpful. I really just want to be there for my husband and help him achieve a happier and productive life. Thanks.

[vanessi]

I have anxiety sometimes and for what I have learnt, obvs on my case, is that i can't even help myself, trying to control it makes it worse. What will I do if my husband were on my shoes struggling with anxiety and On my case again, depression, would be very patient, give him space if he doesn't wanna talk about it! And at the same time let him know you are there for everything. That you're ready to talk or visit a doctor if he is willing too

Just an opinion of what would I do. Hope everything gets better

[tashalyn]

I understand your frustration but trust me whatever you are feeling he is feeling worse a hundred times. Try to stay patient. Love and loads of love is all you can offer.

[DragonTears]

Hi Niin87,

First of all, thank you for trying and for reaching out in order to help him. So many relationships end because the anxiety becomes too much and the partner in question just cannot deal with it long term. So many of us here have seen relationships end and up feeling guilty as we know we were the problem. Depression and Anxiety or any mental health issue for that matter is just so tricky to pi down as they are so very individual. It really takes a doctor or five and a lot of patience and support to address it. It is the hardest thing to open up about as a sufferer, especially to a loved one. I know that may sound strange but many of us feel that we don't want to worry people we love, we fear that once it is out there, there is no going back, we want to keep it as a secret in a way, but at the same time we are screaming for help and understanding....it's just that we assume nobody will actually understand and therefore be labelled as crazy. It is almost safer to just keep it all inside and not risk rejection. Now, having said all that, we do need help. It is a condition that needs treatment and it will only get worse if ignored/denied. Trying to get someone to admit they have a real issue can be very very hard if they are in denial. There can be pride involved (I am not ill) there can be a lot of shame and guilt which can be daunting to own up to and also the element of showing weakness. If you are a quiet kind of type on top of that, well, it is not going to be easy. Love and patience is needed, which I am sure you already know. They need to understand that you offer a safe place where they can be vulnerable and open without judgement. You also have to be open about how this is affecting you and that he needs to talk about this for your sake too. You are worrying and that is causing you stress and unhappiness. Be gentle about it but he does need to know that he has to start dealing with this for both of your sake. Let him know that if he is bottling all this up to protect you, it is not working and he is not helping you either. Describe to him the behaviours you have noticed and worry about. Make it clear to him that he is not how he used to be and give him examples. If he is in denial of the whole "mental health" thing being a real condition, maybe some facts will help. I encouraged my other half to watch some documentaries with me, so he got a different perspective on things. I sent him articles and example of stories similar to mine. Perhaps you can do something similar. As the partner, you also have to make sure you have a support network. I is not easy living with someone suffering either and you have to keep that in mind so that you don't burn yourself out. You need to take brakes and have your own time too. The ultimate goal is to find a way to live with the depression but not let it run your life. It can be achieved, we have, with bad and good days, but it is no longer a focal point. I am happy to talk more this is a topic close to my heart. Take Care X