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My husband just gave me a print-out of affirmations from his girlfriend

Nothing_but_books profile image

My husband just handed me a print-out of affirmations, for "Healing From Emotional Abuse. "I am a good person, worthy of love" etc.

At the bottom of the page it said "I have the support and love of family, friends, and Annie". I found out a few months ago that he has a girlfriend named Ann. This way: I found a paper that said "Make sure Ann is provided for in case something happens to me." He screamed at me that I was paranoid and there was no girlfriend for a bit, then he said he had been seeing her for a "couple months". And after a "couple months" they were buying a house together and he wanted to make sure I could place no claim on it, and that if he died she would have enough money to keep it.

I don't work. I am crippled. I don't think I have any financial protection to be safe.

Now I know he has told her and his family that I am emotionally abusive. He tried to offer me emotional comfort by handing me a paper from his girlfriend intended to take care of HIM.

I guess in a terrible marriage, filled with abuse, you can be rightfully accused of being abusive. But I have a mental breakdown from decades of emotional and mental abuse. I have an Ace bandage on my arm from having my arm twisted.

He has the "support and love of family, friends, and Annie". I have you. And -- no insult -- it's not enough.

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Nothing_but_books
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42 Replies
Agora1 profile image
Agora1

We don't claim to be the "be all answer" but we can listen to your pain

and have you know you are not alone (at least spiritually) We care, I have

always cared for another human being. I pretend to be a doctor or an attorney

so I can only go by my own life experiences.

Being his wife, I would think you have some legal rights, but again that would

take legal advice. I can only tell you that emotionally, you couldn't be in better

hands than the caring people on this forum. :) xx

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Agora1

I don't want anything I say here to ever imply differently.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to Nothing_but_books

It's always your choice, just know that we are always just a message away :) xx

Sunflowerxxxxxx profile image
Sunflowerxxxxxx

Hi im always quick to remember when reading things like this that are two sides to a story and nine times out if ten on here we only read the one side, im not undermining what you are going through not at all, simply stating fact, i would suggest maybe getting legal advice if you think that is necessary, maybe find a good counsellor to talk to , ultimately if hes not happy and he wants move on you have to let him do so you dont have to like it but you have to accept it, and then concentrate all those efforts instead on yourself getting yourself better🙂

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Sunflowerxxxxxx

Yes. There are always two sides. Truth cannot undermine reality.

It hurts me to know he has his own side, and I am not innocent. I am ashamed of my wrongs. I say so. He doesn't. I know he will only tell people his part of the story, and leave out the rest. He will not ever tell me, or others, when he has done wrong.

Is that strength? I am truly asking. Is it only because I am weak that I blame myself, and think so poorly of myself for what I have done wrong????

Sunflowerxxxxxx profile image
Sunflowerxxxxxx in reply to Nothing_but_books

You shouldnt be so hard on yourself, i respect the fact that you can see fault in both sides, if i may ask what is it that you would like to happen from here on in🙂

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Sunflowerxxxxxx

You may ask. That's in the great unknown. Reduced horror, terror, hopelessness? How? So many other voices here know how. I don't.

Elliott_Woods profile image
Elliott_Woods

What a piece of shit this guy is. I wish I could tell you something helpful ♥️ but it seems like you are having a rough time finding options. However, I do think you can get away from this situation. There has to be a way. You shouldn't have to suffer like this.

Boy do I wish I lived close to you. I'd tell that guy off and get you out of there.

Look, I wish I could take away your pain. Please stay strong! Ok? You are not weak (I feel like you think so) but you are capable of SO much! I just know it.

Sillysausage234 profile image
Sillysausage234 in reply to Elliott_Woods

Haha.....go arty 😄

Elliott_Woods profile image
Elliott_Woods in reply to Sillysausage234

Hell yeah 🖤✌️

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Elliott_Woods

Our poet, mrmonk, described you as "fierce". (If I remember correctly.) It is a wonderful word. Much better than the B word often used to describe the Goddess.

Of course there is more to it, but I try to tell both sides, and if I don't succeed, it is not to deceive. I hurt that his side has never included that I have a side.

You read me very well. How can I stay strong when it's not there to begin with?

Elliott_Woods profile image
Elliott_Woods in reply to Nothing_but_books

I think one day you will have this empowering feeling of strength. You feel defeated... But it's not the truth, you know? It only feels like it. You wouldn't be reaching to us on this site if you didn't have strength. You are here because you are a fighter. I have faith that good things will come to you ♥️ I truly believe this man won't win in the end. You will rise and he will fall. Karma will hurt him, and it will surely bite him in the ass.

Just try to be patient and try to take care of yourself the best you can 💕

The healing process will begin. It will.

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Elliott_Woods

Here (our forum) is the best I can. I want to thank you for writing to me, but it sounds trite. Words aren't enough. Being here is all I have today.

Indigojoe profile image
Indigojoe in reply to Nothing_but_books

"how can you stay strong when it's not there to begin with"?

The answer to that is, if you have survived all of the abuse, etc.......and you are here to post. You ARE strong.

Just own it.

:)

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Indigojoe

Nice words. They don't seem to apply though. I have not survived it. I am a different person. Confused, unsure, frightened. Always anticipating trouble and expecting to be in danger. Everyone learns from experience. That's what I've learned.

Not dead yet, but damaged beyond recognition. I don't know me - this sick thing that can't care for itself well enough to survive.

The bloodhound social service police already have me in their books. To do a "global assessment", in other words to come into my home anyway, using police if I don't open the door, after I said I wouldn't let them in. To make decisions about my life "for my own good".

I don't need this battle now, but I have it.

Indigojoe profile image
Indigojoe in reply to Nothing_but_books

you may have changed, morphed into what you need to be in order to survive. However those of us who put up with crap and have had to do what we needed to do to survive in the moment are very strong. WE took a beating emotionally physically( perhaps) and spiritually.

When we know better, we make the best choice we can for now, and if that isn't good we make another one.

Our lives are ONE CHOICE at a time.

Words have power. be careful what you choose to speak out loud.

Get the agency's that provide meals on wheels. As them who to call for assistance for the food pantry in your area, what church has meals offered during the week What county in your area provides a handicap bus for transportation, even if, you just take it for a ride and go back home.

Keep us posted.

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Indigojoe

What do you mean specifically by:

"Words have power. be careful what you choose to speak out loud."

Elliott_Woods profile image
Elliott_Woods

I'm not even kidding. I really want to get you out of there. I was just talking to my husband about you. I'd get on a plane and take you in. Even if I have to work my ass off to get you over here, I'd do it.

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Elliott_Woods

Dear WOMAN (I think of you as Diana, the huntress),

How can anyone, you or anyone else, get me out of here -- when I can't get myself???

I guess the police can. To drag me off to the mental ward. Mother is long dead. Truth be told, she wouldn't have taken me in. So. There's the police.

I didn't say today. I have before. "That guy" is the only real, human contact I have. He comes daily and -- when things don't go to hell -- cooks a meal for me and cleans dishes. (When things don't go to hell.) Resentfully... He wants to start his new life. He plans to. But he comes. So far.

I wish I had only joy for his second chance. But oh how I hate the one-sided version of our catastrophe he tells his family, lover, and friends.

Elliott_Woods profile image
Elliott_Woods in reply to Nothing_but_books

I see your point. Idk. I'm a mom, so I suppose it's in my nature to be protective. Especially when it comes to women 🙂 I don't like seeing my own kind struggle so much because of a guy.

I have a lot of love... and some of that love goes to you 💚

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Elliott_Woods

Internet savvy to clueless dictionary please? Old lady here. "Idk".

I know you do. I know it does. I believe "In The Woods" is exactly where Diana begins her hunt. God help the stag. No, wait. Goddess has other plans.

Sunnidayz1 profile image
Sunnidayz1

My solution:

Write a letter to her that says

"Healing from Being a Tramp And Getting Involved With Married Men"

Positive affirmations:

"I have to stop chasing married men"

"Yes, I have abandonment issues and I need help"

"Im a desperate tramp and I need help"

Done.

You're welcome❤😘

Sunflowerxxxxxx profile image
Sunflowerxxxxxx in reply to Sunnidayz1

Thats really not helpful it wint help this lady who has written this post in the slightest very bad advice!

Sunnidayz1 profile image
Sunnidayz1 in reply to Sunflowerxxxxxx

Actually it's very good advice. Has your life changed for the better doing what u r doing? Maybe it's time to stick up for yourself and get some self esteem. You deserve to love yourself to know that no one under any circumstances should treat you like garbage!

Sunflowerxxxxxx profile image
Sunflowerxxxxxx in reply to Sunnidayz1

It isnt actually my life we talking about firstly and secondly, no it isnt very good advice it might make her feel good for about ten minutes and thats that, pro longing things n playing tit for tat is not the way to go its prolonging the anguish she needs to take positive steps to overcome what has happened and get help if necessary to come to terms with it and then rebuild her life and concentrate on herself getting better, your way gets you no where

Sunnidayz1 profile image
Sunnidayz1 in reply to Sunflowerxxxxxx

You completely missed my point. Completely. It's such a shame.

Have a blessed day🙏💕

Sunflowerxxxxxx profile image
Sunflowerxxxxxx in reply to Sunnidayz1

🤣

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Sunnidayz1

Think you are both fretting and upset because I am, perhaps, triggering you with MY issues. Chill. All is good.

Sunnidayz1 profile image
Sunnidayz1 in reply to Nothing_but_books

No no. Im good. Fortunately I have a beautiful life outside of this site. Ive healed from what people are still struggling with on here and Im paying it forward. I very much enjoy helping people bc I care about people so if I made u smile or laugh or whatever it may be Im happy. So anytime u need to chat pm me. It was nice meeting you. Take care🙏👍💪💕

Indigojoe profile image
Indigojoe in reply to Nothing_but_books

You can get social interaction, with other folks if you find the agency in your area that helps, dis-abeled people.

There are advocates, for you, meals on wheels, food banks, and legal representation.

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Indigojoe

I will try to look it up. Thanks.

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Sunflowerxxxxxx

Sunflowerxxxxxx,

Don't fret, I didn't take it as literal instructions to hunt the lady down and go at her. I do believe you are both right, and positive steps are wonderful advice. (So is a brief smile.) I am here because it is all I am up to now.

Sunflowerxxxxxx profile image
Sunflowerxxxxxx in reply to Nothing_but_books

I hope that everything works out well for you it may be tough but you will get there take any help you can to get yourself through and there many good people on here too that will always b there to lend support😊 x

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Sunflowerxxxxxx

Disagree. It made me smile - almost.

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Sunnidayz1

Thank you. You made me almost smile. Through the tears.

Sunnidayz1 profile image
Sunnidayz1 in reply to Nothing_but_books

You're welcome! I know you understood my point- you are smart!! You can get through this!!! You can do it💕❤💕❤

Follow me on this site..

I give great advice 100% of the time bc I said so j/k no really I give great advice

😂🤣😂🤣

And Keep laughing or almost smiling....the best medicine😘😂

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to Sunnidayz1

Old lady here. Translate j/k please?

Sunnidayz1 profile image
Sunnidayz1 in reply to Nothing_but_books

Aww..you're cute..lol

J/k means just kidding.

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54

Sometimes life is so b******* awful that it's enough just being here. See, you nearly made me swear then! I am glad you can come here for comfort. Simple kindness is so often missing in this cruel world. Sending warm healing vibes your way.

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to hypercat54

It is a bit of a puzzle trying to figure out the asterisks. Are bats involved?

Maybe not the warm so much, feeling sick from the heat, but healing AND vibes are both great. Thank you.

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply to Nothing_but_books

I am just abbreviating a swear word. More kind and warm thoughts on their way.

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply to hypercat54

Oh, I know. It's just me, turning it into a puzzle I can try to figure out.

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