What do you do when your support system doesn’t support you?

I don’t know exactly where to start...

I’m a guy. I recently turned 26. And I’ve always felt uncomfortable, at least since my grandpa died ten years ago. I still live with my family, who aren’t bad people, but they don’t understand that they’ve cultivated an atmosphere in the home where I feel like I always have to be perfect.

I don’t have a job. And it’s not because I’m lazy or incompetent; I’ve been told by honest people that I interact with that I’m one of the hardest workers they’ve ever met. It’s because I cannot see myself achieving what I consider the highest good by being employed, at least in the traditional sense.

What I consider the highest good, the best use of my time, is devoting myself to someone who loves me, who doesn’t make me feel alienated, and someone who recognizes my strengths and weaknesses. I can cook. I can clean. I can fix things. I’m good company. I can probably make you laugh. I listen, and if I feel comfortable sharing my own view to you, I can offer council, or comfort.

In hearing things about men, most often from women about the relationships they have with these men, I’ve come to realize that I’m actually much better equipped to be their partners. I’m certainly not perfect; I have my own faults and weaknesses. It just gets disheartening when attempting to talk to women, I mention that I don’t have a dream job or career aspirations, and then they stop talking to me.

I didn’t mean for this to become a diatribe against the collective conscious of our societal standards. All that I mean is that, I’ve never been given a chance by anyone. Not family, not friends, not casual acquaintances, none. And everyone needs a chance. No one got to where they were without being given a chance, and I guess that’s what makes me feel truly sad.

I feel no hope day to day that anyone will see me and celebrate me for my strengths, but will only see my weaknesses and write me off as being lazy or incompetent. Sure, I’m 26, and I haven’t been alive for very long, but my mind starts to understand patterns. Patterns like, irregardless to whatever you do, you will always be ostracized, unloved, and alone. And it gets to be an incredibly depressing existence.

[fauxartist]

I do believe now that there is somebody out there for everyone, hope you find that someone for you. Suggest you make all of what you said above an upfront issue...you want to be a house husband as is said here where I'm from. Many working women who are career orientated prefer that sort of an arrangement. Just food for thought.

[DragonTears]

I respect that you come out and say that your talent lies in being a caring partner for someone. Fair play to you! I wish I was so clear on what I want to be "when I grow up". I am 36...

I am sure there is work out there for someone of these talents. I mean, you do have to earn a living somehow. Sure, you may not be suitable for industrial work or the banking world, but there are so many places that are lacking someone like you. These kind of "soft-skills" are constantly under-estimated and fade in the face of "drive" and "ambition" (two words that have ruined my life). I totally relate to the atmosphere of being expected to deliver perfection in everything you do. It is utterly debilitating and produces a person who always underachieves - because the bar is always out of reach. I am that person, and by the sound of it, so might you be. I was a straight A student with honours and God knows all else...but still i am not the queen of the world or president of the universe...so failed!

You are 26, that's still fairly young, but definitely adult by all measure. Your skills will find their home, you will meet someone who will appreciate your qualities. Perhaps it is a bit too early for them now? You will find "your people" and then everything makes sense! Take Care!

[OrangeCat]

I understand completely wanting to achieve great, wonderful things, but constantly being brought down a notch when you try them. It's difficult and exhausting feeling like you're a disappointment to your family. I sometimes wish I was someone different just to make them happy.

It sounds like you have a lot of qualities that are sought after in a partner. I'm sure it makes no consolation saying that you will find your someone, but you will.

Sounds like you have a lot of empathy. Have you tried checking out jobs in social work or counseling? Don't know your educational background, but it's never too late to learn something new. I'm not far from your age, and I am still figuring out what I want to be when I grow up. I have come to the conclusion that that will just always be a part of my life.

Hang in there!