High school 😡

[AntiSocialSocialClub]

Why is it that high school kids are Soo cocky and try to act cool. I absolutely hate high school. They think they're the top of the world but in truth they are nothing. I guess it's better than not having confidence like me. Any ways to build confidence? And every time I start gaining confidence I feel like something bad will happen or I have to worry.

[gccmejia]

Hi. When I was in high school I felt the same than you. Some people act like they know everything and they are better than others. My solution was focusing more on me and less on them. I realized that I can not change them so I tried to be a better person and develop my interests. I really believe that none is better or worst than others. Maybe you could focus more on the good qualities that you have and forget about what other people think.

Regarding the confidence problem, usually people with low confident think that they do not deserve good things happen to them or that showing confidence could make other people feel "less" and then, they would be punished for that. However, don't worry about that. Try to focus as much as you can in yourself and your interests and the people who really love you. You could make a list of the qualities that you would like to improve or the skills you want to get and go for it!!!

[AntiSocialSocialClub in reply to gccmejia]

Thank you for such a nice reply I'll definitely try what you told me!

[AntiSocialSocialClub in reply to AntiSocialSocialClub]

I feel so happy that people like you respond to me and help me even though we don't even know each other. I hope good things come to you and your kindness will come back to you.

[gccmejia]

Thank you very much to you for responding me. I am pretty sure that you will overcome this situation and come out stronger from this

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Join clubs. There is literally a club for anything that interests you. If you can join in with like minded people it allows for better communication and bonding. I felt invisible in high school. I played sports and was very involved in that so I made friends on the team. Nothing permanent necessarily. I didn’t hang out with them much either. I was shy. I was a part of something I loved though. Basketball and Softball were my life. It doesn’t have to be sports though. It’s not for everyone. They have clubs for languages, academics, chess, art, computer stuff etc. That would be something good to talk to your school counselor about. If you make a friend that helps too. Just ask if you could sit somewhere. If partnered for a project ask open questions and communicate. I actually looked up how to make friends on line. I’m old though. I know things I’m just not good at it. Then my anxiety kicks in and I go back to my dogs. People weird me out. I want a friend though. If you could just have someone in your corner it would help. Do the very best you can because that’s all you can do and that can also build confidence. Study if you have a test. Preparation builds confidence. Use good hygiene practices. If you are freshly groomed clean and put together no matter the style if you like it that will bring confidence. On game days we wore our jerseys. That made me feel like I fit in being dressed like certain people. You can’t do more than you can do. It’s impossible. So do your best and know that you did and your confidence will boost. I was shy. If I knew the material and did all my work and was prepared it made me so confident. At least in that which in the long run is the most important. If someone bullies you turn them in. Or just laugh at them. They have low self esteem and need validation. Trust me standing up to them is good. Not fighting but just letting them know you aren’t scared and you aren’t

Impressed.

[AntiSocialSocialClub in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Totally agree with you. I'm also very shy but up to this point it hasn't interfered with my social life that much until now. I play soccer at academy level so they don't allow me to play for school. I will try to find other clubs and more friends though. I have one very supportive friend that comes to sleep over at my house some days to help me go to school so I really appreciate that. I really appreciate you answering me, it's good to know some people care.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to AntiSocialSocialClub]

Always! ❤️ I’m goung through bed. Hope you have a wonderful night.

[Hidden]

Feed yourself positive thoughts! You'll be surprised if you go to your 30 year high school reunion where some of those arrogant people are at in life, you'll probably be further than them! Hope will grow if you believe in yourself! Hugs & love for you!

[Senator_McCat]

I HATED high school with every fiber of my being and fought my parents endlessly about having to go my graduation. All my lasting friendships were made in college and grad school. High school is the worst for introverted anxious people such as myself because of the emphasis placed on peer relations. "It's preparing you for life," many people have pointed out. No, no. Nowhere else in life aside from K-12 will you ever be with that many people who are the same age as you and live in the same area. In the working world and in college there are people from all different ages and backgrounds to choose from.

[Vonnah in reply to Senator_McCat]

Yes! Speak the truth🙌

I got bullied really bad all 4 years......ugh✋😒

[Senator_McCat in reply to Vonnah]

I'm sorry I'm convinced my life would have been so much better had I been homeschooled or even better, enrolled in a private school with extremely small classrooms (it is my opinion that cliques don't form as easily in smaller class sizes as people tend to be more accountable to each other and thus see each other as individuals).

[Vonnah in reply to Senator_McCat]

Yeah i agree those options would definitely been better. Yeah....high school....what a bad place! Lol

[Bean_Counter]

My teenage son found the transition to high school very difficult (there was some bullying involved too...) and ended up with depression and extremely low confidence and self esteem. He had counselling through school and NHS, and also joined a drama club. The transition since he started drama has been amazing - he has made some fantastic friends, who all share a common interest, his confidence has improved no end and he has rejoined scouts, which has also been a massive help. He has a few friends at school, but his closest friends are those he has made outside of school and he now has the self confidence and high self-esteem to shrug off "the idiots at school" who used to bother him so much. Hopeful-Tinkerbell is correct - the best thing you could do is join some clubs or start activities where you all have a common interest - your self confidence will improve, and you will be less bothered about what others at school think, say or do. Also - talk to someone. Either a parent, sibling or maybe a teacher and ask for help if you feel you are struggling. Most high schools now have very good pastoral care, so try and use it. Very best of luck - please let us know how you get on.

[AntiSocialSocialClub in reply to Bean_Counter]

Thank you so much everyone for the wisdom will let you know how things go.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to AntiSocialSocialClub]

You could still make friends with soccer players. You certainly have a lot to talk about and I’m common. I bet if you talked to coach you could even work out with them. Doing things you are good at or prepared etc brings confidence. Not sitting by yourself brings confidence so it’s good to have friends. I use to sit by the special ed class. At the end of there section. It kept me from sitting alone. I could do the alphabet in sign language so I could talk to them. They thought I was hilarious. People knew me and invited me to stuff but at lunch I never knew where to sit and was too shy to join anyone without them specifically asking. I focused on my training and schoolwork and I was confident in that. The cocky people are usually just overcompensating for their own low self esteem. You just do you. They aren’t worth letting them affect your future.

[Bean_Counter in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

That is such a true comment about the cocky people.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

I’m old but I was once a high school student, I also raised 2 of them and I taught. I was a substitute and a few times long term. Some babysitting mixed with some teaching basically. I know high school from different views.

[HearYou]

Hey. let me know if you a\ a bud or two to go to classes with you. xx

[AntiSocialSocialClub in reply to HearYou]

You're going to class with me?

[HearYou in reply to AntiSocialSocialClub]

OHH,NOOO...you're going to school.I am taking two Bud Lites to drink to make certain you're there.

[HearYou]

Hey, bud, does this mean you went to school? Great..... Tell you a secret probably everyone else has already told you. Many of "in crowd", the "stars" in high school burn out right there as they graduate. Many of us who didn't "fit in" didn't know that, and because once we leave that school, we're free and we are going to fly but don't know where, how or when just yet. Opportunities come, and people who have had it a bit harder, recognize them and grab on to them very tightly. Just work hard at whatever you do at the moment, no matter how different it is, or you feel (and it's legal).

A few weeks ago, my husband found something wrapped up, dusty, way back in our closet. He unwrapped it, saw what it was, looked puzzled and asked what it meant. I told him it was something I will never be able to do again (bad accident caused some memory damage). He said I should be proud because he was, and it should be hanging on a wall. I said no, just reminds me of what I used to be able to do.

A couple of days later, I saw he had hung it near our open area desk. I am from a family of ten, very little money. No clothes or shoes for school. Made some; salvation army, some.

What he hung was the framed and signed certificate from the Supreme Court of the United States of American welcoming me as a duly admitted and qualified attorney and counselor of that Court. The Gold Seal still bright 17 years later. Me, that girl who once worked as a post office mail carrier hauling mail in a heavy leather satchel from door to door. Me. It took my husband to make me believe I could be proud of that.

You have a future you have never yet dreamed, but because you are different than the crowd, you are going to do or be something more than those whose lights burn out at graduation. I'm here, TOGETHER we're all here for you. Because, in some way, we were in some way where you are now. Promise.

Now I need to figure out what I will do and what I will become, as one impossible door closed one day. There will be another impossible door for me that I just haven't found yet. That's my promise to myself. Make it a promise for yourself.

[Vonnah in reply to HearYou]

You are so right. After being bullied its been 2 years after high school and still tryna find my way in this world let alone try to figure out how i can get over what i spent so long going through in high school. It makes me think life freaking sucks. Because i feel like it really messed me up. It distracted me and i feel like it threw my whole life off course. I was lost since a very young age and i used to blame it on bullying. Now i realize it's because of other things too but man i had it rough. I hope i find myself one day and learn how to love myself. Plus learn how to manage my depression and anxiety.

[Vonnah]

I know how things can be in high school. You can and will survive, i did and so far graduation day is the best and most proudest day of my life.

[AntiSocialSocialClub in reply to Vonnah]

Yeah I guess some of it is just cause of this age. People are trying to figure themselves out but take it out on other people. It's sad. People think they are the top of the world in high school, but in the end I know I'll be better. It's so artificial, the way the "popular people act". I feel like I wanna beat up everyone but that isn't the answer. I'm only a freshman so I guess it was better that it happened now?

[Vonnah in reply to AntiSocialSocialClub]

Yeah i hated high school with a passion. It's the kids who are cruel make it suck. Like where are their parents????? Anyways since your a freshman, i will tell you to just be yourself. Take one day at a time and put yourself in your grades and education for now. The end goal is passing each grade, right? Then eventually your goal will be graduation and i promise you will be so proud of yourself for getting through that hellhole. So just keep yourself busy. Try to find different ways to express yourself. You will be alright. You can always talk to me because i knowwwww exactly how high school was. I'm 20 and still think about it (unfortunately)) haha.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to AntiSocialSocialClub]

You’ll get there! You have a long way to go! Focus on what really matters. Just know that you have a whole team of cheerleaders here! ❤️

[HearYou]

Yes keep your eye on the target of learning and grabbing on to opportunities when you can. All the rest of it is not worth a dime.

[AntiSocialSocialClub]

K my bad those people are the best!

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

If you “run” your high school then why are you here? Your peers that you are “running” are in fact validating your self esteem. He is being bullied badly! I’m sorry but those bullies to him are NOTHING other than mean jerks! He will graduate and they will be NOTHING to him! Other than a bad memory! It’s not about them bringing up his confidence! It’s about them putting him down in an abusive way! So if you are defending people that are abusing him than his sarcasm is very appropriate! I don’t want anything bad for you either. Here we need to lift people up not put them down. We all have our “demons” HIS ARE NOTHING to him! He has a very bright future ahead of him! He can run the world if he chooses! Defending bullies is never okay. It’s not just people that have friends. Its bullies we are discussing. Abusive bullies! So unless you would like to be supportive of his needs please don’t respond. High school is but a small moment. It’s NOTHING! The real world is very vast and very different. Very few people stay in their high school community. Never moving or growing. We don’t know you. We are not speaking of you. Just people who are causing him stress. His needs. We can discuss this privately if you would like. We can also discuss any needs you may have. I’m here for you too and not putting you down. I may have anxiety over spiders and hate them. You may have a pet spider and love them. I wouldn’t put you down if you were upset that your (in my opinion vile) spider was sick. I would say I understand how upsetting that must be for you. We love our pets. No one loves bullies. Mean people suck. I’m sorry if you felt like the bully in this scenario or consider yourself just a cool kid. I don’t know what you are relating with in this scenario that we offended but we are supporting him. I also understand being popular happens by validation from others. It’s hard not having that as well.

[AntiSocialSocialClub]

Ok I get it, just try to say it a little more nicely next time. No need to get in an argument.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

He is being bullied. We are trying to build him up. I have also spoke to him a lot. We don’t know you. It has nothing to do with you. I promise. We weren’t thinking about you specifically. I promise. In high school when you are very popular that is validation. They support you. They look to you or up to you. It means you are being validated. Try not having friends. No one ever really seeing you. Not being able to have someone to talk to or sit with. Not having people. It really isn’t about you. You said you don’t need validation. So it shouldn’t matter to you anyway right? There are many references to bullying throughout comments. When someone is very shy or bullied it’s hard to put yourself out there. People surrounding you and being beneath you if you “run” them is validation like it or not and need it or not. I am not saying that is a bad thing. Just that it is validation and can make things easier but also can make things more complicated as well I’m sure. It’s nice that you feel so highly of yourself. That’s a great thing. I wish I could feel that way. Perhaps I took you the wrong way. I’m not sure. It’s about him. You can have severe shyness which makes that impossible. If you went to school and was left out, felt out of place, was bullied etc it would be hard. I’m glad you don’t have to experience that. There is also a difference between being confident and cocky. When others feel your cool or pretty or popular that IS validation. If you didn’t have that you would perhaps not have such a high self esteem. I’m glad you have a good support system. That’s awesome! Read posts above you about bullying. That word is used frequently! You and him are very different people. Confidence is gained and learned through validation. Even self validation which some people have a hard time with. Maybe your parents at a young age were awesome and encouraging. People wanting to be your friend. It’s all forms of validation. Without that it’s hard. Being constantly abused or called ugly or put down or ignored, or not fitting in is very hard on someone’s self esteem. Trust me! I’m not putting you down. I am thrilled your confident. I wish I was. High School is not so perfect for everyone. I didn’t particularly feel bad about. I was an athlete. I knew a lot of people. I was good in sports and recognized. If someone did try to bully me I would shut that right down! Athletic also equaled strength physically so I did not tolerate it. I don’t see anyone from my high school ever unless it’s by accident now though. So, although they are physical beings or something in the grand scheme to him they are nothing. It may be something negative to him at this time. In his life it’s a blink. He’ll move on to bigger and better things and that was the message we were trying to send to him for his needs. I’m so sorry that offended you.