Where to begin?

[gmpare]

This is my first time posting and I don't even know where to begin. My daughter and I have always been very close. There are only a certain number of words that are allowed here, but she has had a very traumatic (first bf passed away) experience and others as a result of my unstable life happen to her. I admit my wrong doinga. Long story short, she had a breakdown about 5 years ago. One where she self abused. No drugs, but physical and mental harm. She pushes everyone who cares for her away. I've always had a problem with depression and anxiety and have handled it extremely poorly. Recently my daughter has been spiraling downward and out of control. She has no problem telling me how terrible of a mother I was, that I still am, how I make everything worse, she comes up with things that are completely untrue. She tries her best and goes out of her way to hurt me as much as she possibly can. And then she ignores me.

I only want to be sure that she is safe. I can't know that if she shuts me out. She has my 2yr old grandson who I love so unbelievably much. To see him every day for a week (I stay with her to watch him alot) to no contact is torture. I can't sleep. It's SO depressing to the point of where I have barely made it out of bed for going on 2 weeks. I can't even bring myself to shower. My anxiety is through the roof. Something needs to give

[Sushi33]

Is she at risk of hurting herself or your grandson? If so you may need to take her to a hospital or call 911. Also is there anyone else you could ask to check on her and make sure she is ok? If you don't think she is a risk to either of them then unfortunately you might have to let her be and at some point perhaps you can suggest that you both see a therapist together to work on the issues you have. But unfortunately you can't force her to be nice to you or talk to. With that said you also do not have to put up with the way she is treating you either. You can set limits. Even if you can't get her to see a therapist with you it might help you to go by yourself and work out some of your anxiety and depression and then perhaps you might be able to set the example for her. Hope this helps.

[gmpare in reply to Sushi33]

I don't believe my daughter would ever put her son in any danger. But it breaks my heart to know what she is going through and pushing me away. It's hard to put boundaries on someone who doesn't even acknowledge you.

[Sushi33 in reply to gmpare]

I can understand that it hurts. I am still trying to learn this, but my therapist has been working with me and trying to help me understand that I can not control how others behave no matter how much I want to. I don't want to talk about this in a public forum, but my mother and I were very close my whole life and there did come a time when that had to change. I know the way a mother feels for a child is different than how a child feels for their mother, but I understand the feeling of despair when there is trouble in that relationship. If you ever want to talk privately about this feel free to message me.