What I am writing about is simply that I know that I could improve my health by watching what I eat and doing what exercise the pain in my body permits as this is what my cardiologist suggests.
My life consists of the time I spend on the computer, eating, and sleeping. Everything else I either cannot/will not do or have no assistance in doing. I'm not losing any weight as I have gone somewhat back to using food as a drug to keep my mind off of things. Sure, I would be in better shape if I improved my health, but for what reason?
There is nothing in my life that I have to look forward to other than the possibility of finally getting approved for Social Security. This will be my third hearing, whenever that may be. In the meantime, I am a confined to my parents' house where every day I hear all of the noise my mostly deaf and mentally ill father makes or his yelling at my mom for stupid things.
There are no friends to do things with and no, I'm not interested in what a church may offer to help. I've tried to be positive but every time dad takes me to a doctor appointment I have to put up with his nonsense, not to mention fearing for my life by his poor driving abilities.
My thinking has me looking forward to passing away from heart failure or other means. I've no plans for hurting myself in more direct ways. I feel like a prisoner on death row without any chance of reprieve.