I kept everything to myself for to lo... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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I kept everything to myself for to long until I couldn't


I've been dealing with depression all my life just never really knew it, bad things happen i bury it, keep it moving, ignore it, out of sight out of mind kind of thinking. But in 2004 my depression made its presence known and unavoidable when my little brother suddenly died at 17. I was all alone after the funeral away from family due to being in the military and i started to withdraw from everyone not sleeping, eating , talking, always crying, overall just not in a good place. It took awhile to get back to a healthy place but i eventually got there. Fast forward to 2015 i was in a car accident started experiencing headaches everyday multiple times a day until presently with other health complications this has led to other health problems and the return of depression. I've tried everything to get back to pre depression me but nothing is working. My depression has actually worsened since being seen at the VA hospital in Feb after they had a medication error on me. Since that time my health has been worse and I've had suicidal thoughts. I hope that by posting here i will find others that have been through what I'm going through or have gone through it and found a way to manage their depression. I'm open to all positive discussions and suggestions and look forward to positive engagements.

17 Replies

Im sad to hear your feeling like this. Life can throw horrible things at us and your not alone. I went years building up my issues/ problems and eventually it blows. Some people dont understand and your in the right place to get help. Are u in uk? Trevor

Thank you for replying, not in the UK in the US

The crazy thing is because of the embarrassment of the issues that we come across we feel like we are the only ones that are going through them, it leads to you shutting down throwing up these self imposed walls and before you know it your alone. That's me right now. Its a scary place when you have never gotten this low. I have two people that i usually depend on for when things are tough, one continues to let me down and the other i feel like a disappointment to in this state of mind. Everyone is just clueless about what's going on cause i feel like i can't tell them. I don't want the world to look at me with pity or see as weak or broken and in my mind that's how i feel they everyone is seeing me.

Wow, you've captured exactly how I often feel. I so identify with you both. Just knowing that there are people out there who understand gives us hope. Thank you for posting.

I have the same story, dealing with anxiety and depression all my life. I have finally decided I will not be ashamed of my mental health issues and starting to be more open with people. Still it is not easy to do, wishing you all the best.

That's where i have arrived as well, I'm tired of living in silence but afraid of living out loud, i worry all the time i think of problems before they even exist times when i should be sleeping r just relaxed I'm on edge mind racing freaking out. That's what led me here hopefully there ate others that can relate and have found means to cope I'm open to positive suggestions. My goal is to live and cope with my illness not let it consume me or take me out.

I am still trying to find ways to cope but I will not give up

Bigt966 in reply to axle99

Never give up. !!!! EVER

Men have a tendency not to open up because we are matcho men and we are weak if we speak up. When people ask you are you ok and you say yes when really ur not and it builds up and up. U will find alot of people close to u dont understand. Im thinking of starting my own communication channel for people to email etc thier problems . listening is more powerfull then people think.


Michael8072 in reply to Bigt966

I like your ideal.

That's a great idea, much needed resources. Old me would have found this or a site like it a long time ago but since the car accident and the other health setbacks i haven't been myself my concentration, focus, and everything else has been off. Your idea would work great for both men and women cause i also find it difficult to open up but this type of forum makes it a little easier for me.

I agree it's made it a little easier for me. I still hold quiet at times. But I'm trying my best not to keep everything in. I've kept alot of things in for the past 23 years slowly it's all starting to come out.

I hope it gets easier for you to share and let things out. Know that you are not alone.

It sounds like you have serious Trauma. Trauma is also part of mental illness. It sounds like you need to see a trauma therapist. I also know there are trauma support groups you can go to or outpatient trauma could be good. I am actually looking for a trauma therapist.

I could say, see a regular psychiatrist, a regular therapist, suggest medication, but it sounds like your problem is specifically trauma. I’m so sorry for everything you have endured and for your losses. This will pass. Hugs 🤗

Ive not been on here long but it helps me. One thing i have noticed you read some posts mainly from men pouring thier hearts out on the post but when i private message people to see how they are they say yer im ok but really they are not so they are hiding it to be stong. Im a matcho person with pride and in the past go along stong I'm fine yer all good with me but get on my own and cry my eyes out in pain. Its not fair. We all have emotions and pain / hurt and sometimes just need someone to listen and you never have to feel ashamed to do that ever. Ive been so low to the point of walking accross a bridge to finish it but didn't because one stranger listened to me. Dont get me wrong it wasnt a quick fix but this person rung me every month "how you doing" he knew none of my family or people around me so had nothing to be ashamed of and no worry about him telling someone and all my problems getting around. I heard a saying once from that said "The quality of your communication is the quality of your life" so true i suffered lack of communication for years and just " kept my mind busy" by work work work and masking the issues hoping they will go away but they dont without communication. Im going to work less from now on and set up a channel somehow for people to get in contact and start to help people. " trade your expectations for appreciation and your whole life will change" be gratefull.


Let me know your thoughts

Wow that was impactful cause it so true. I realized that about myself awhile ago, i can tell a stranger about myself my feelings and thoughts a little easier cause i don't fear the judgment as much but since i haven't been working for over a year i don't have much access to anyone. These days seem so bleek i hate it cause explaining it almost sounds like a pity party but its anything but its my horrible reality. Im desperately trying to change it but the harder i try the more desperate it seems.

Believe in yourself, don’t think too negative and try to think positive on all that you do. Don’t give up! When in the US are you from ?

Born and raised in Louisiana now living in DC


I'm an army brat and never served so first I want to thank you for your service!

I need to come on this site more but am also dealing with anxiety and off and on depression( due to a different reason for PTSD) along with chronic pain.

It's so late( really early AM and need to sleep but just want to say your not alone! I wish I had more time to say more but I will be sending you telepathy

hugs and wishes for happiness I think we all need..All the best!!

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