Stressed to the max

[tiffany1979]

So I have posted on here before about my fiancé and his ex and custody. The other day he tried to sit down with her to try and get her to have some compassion and compromise and well it went no where she refused every suggestion we made to her. Since the court had ruled on the custody it states that he is not allowed to move more then 25 miles from his current location I live 30 miles from his house and his ex will not give us the extra 5 miles refused to let either one of us drive there daughter anywhere. I have two children of my own and a house that is big enough for all of us I don’t want to move out of my house to be within the 25 miles. My rent is cheap and my house is comfortable and my kids love it here. It seems like if his ex is going to still have control then we are never going to be able move forward. How are we suppose to ever plan a wedding or move in with each other if he can’t move here? I’m so tired of the drama but I love him to death he is everything I always wanted but I can’t keep being put on the back burner. I feel like I should give up she wins. She’s doesn’t want him but doesn’t want him to have his own life. What do I do?

[Whole-Wheat]

I'm sorry to hear about her not letting you guys start a life together. If her living condition isn't good enough it could be possible to bring court into this and show that you have a better living arrangement? Not even to take custody but to push that extra 5 miles.

[Justswimming]

Why won't she let you drive "her" daughter? Does someone have a DUI or bad driving record? I don't know why the 5 miles makes any difference. So seems like she's concerned. about her daughters safety.

[tiffany1979 in reply to Justswimming]

Nope not a single moving violations at first it was that she used his seizures as a reason for him not to drive to even though no seizures in two years

[Hidden]

Wow. My heart was racing fast when I read your post. I was in such a situation (except I didn't have kids on my own) and we broke up. In my case I am glad I don't have to deal with the drama anymore. But let me help you lighten your burden without being biased by my own experiences.

You seem like a good mum. Your kids are your priority. So if you truly love your partner then you guys should fight for it. The courts will see that the ex is being petty I believe

[Natsteveo]

This subject turns my tummy because I was in the same situation as you 17 years ago and believe me I suffer mentally because of it...we can't help falling in love with our partners and most of them come with lovely kiddies and unfortunately a green eyed EX!!!! Jealousy seethes through these ex,s I tell you she may as well stand there click her fingers and tell you all what to do she's calling the shots and in control manipulating you and your lives I will tell you though she still wants him...trust me she does she can pretend she don't but I guarantee you the thought of her kids dad is with someone else eats away at her why else would she be calling the shots..not just that why should you have to uprootvyour kids and your lives to keep the EX happy not a chance would I ever do that no disrespect to your partner but he needs to tell her to back off he also needs to be refusing her demands and get his solicitors to do what's best for his kids and that is to be able to be with their dad too every child should have the right to have their dad in their lives too I always find with scorned ex's it's the poor kids who suffer and if you haven't been introduced to his kids yet then do it slowly as they need to adjust to the new editions of their dad's family and also your kids have t o adjust to change too but she will cause as much drama as she can because she wants to ruin your relationship don't let her but your man needs to tell her to stop being a bunny boiler and that he's moved on now and has a new family that he wants his kids to be part of if she refuses and won't budge then y our know she's envious and don't want you to have him...when I split with my ex I couldn't wait for her dad to have her 2 nights a week because I needed some me time to have a night in or out with t he girls I knew their wasn't anything between us but I wasn't going to spite my daughter just because I hated her dad...I would drop my daughter at his mum's then I would always say can I have her back by 4pm on Sunday because of having a bath for school he had a new girlfriend with a family of her own and I wasn't interested in him just that the new girlfriend was good to my child that's all I asked...I guess what I'm trying to say is if she didn't want him back why is she making it almost impossible for her kids to see their dad no mum wants that for her kids and every mum deserves a break too and why shouldn't the father take responsibility too so you have a break....she don't want that she just wants to ruin everything and it's time she was put in her place sorry for the long post I just been where you are and the drama I had from the EX was mentally draining it almost ruined me don't let that be you...

Let me know how you get on

Nat x

[HearYou]

One word. Lawyer. (Reply is from a lawyer).

Court usually puts restrictions on a reasonable distance to prevent one parent from being unable to readily be part of child's life.

Need a reason why to change distance or prevent distance.

Be careful, as judge may be very "old-fashioned" and not believe in home sharing as you are not married.

[tiffany1979 in reply to HearYou]

We are getting married. Would that be a legitimate reason to amend a custody agreement? Plus he got a job in my town so he would need to relocate from his current residence anyway

[HearYou in reply to tiffany1979]

Have no idea why there is the current mileage order. So even, if he got a job in your town, the judge may not change his order. Don't know why the judge made that ruling. Do you? THAT IS A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION.

Again, the welfare of the child comes first. If the judge orders a distance of the drive between parents when they divorced, why would he change it to be greater because one of the parents married or found a job elsewhere?

My example of flying children every weekend to the father's home is real and the mother had an offer to work for the governor of a state;

Maybe if you're serious about marriage, you should start looking for another house to rent. That's hard news. Is there a restriction on your household to be considered? How would your children be affected if you had to move to be married to this man?

I can't and won't practice law on this forum, just outline some of the considerations of dating/marrying a man with children. THE CHILDREN WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST IN THE COURT.

Been there, done that. I wish you the best in trying to resolve the issues before you. It is not easy. Your step-daughter welfare will always come before your prospective husband's in the Court.xx

[Lostjoy]

I think it’s jealousy on the Ex’s part also. Sad thing is that it is the kids who have to suffer. Hopefully you can go back to court and get the distance changed.