Help Please! - I can't go on...

[PR1971]

Hi! I came here for help. My anxiety and bipolar depression has gotten out of control, specially during the holiday since I am single. I feel every one hates me, I am incapable of love. I have beed lashing out and being very aggressive with my family (including my beautiful 25 y/o daughter). I have no access to medication or help as I was laid off earlier this year and don't have insurance. Free mental help is not available in my area. I have no will to live and go on...I wish I was dead, and over with this miserable life. Any ideas on what I can take that doesn't require a prescription? I have been self medicating by drinking too much every day - so I can stop feeling for a while and to self-destruct...

[Janieliza]

Hi there. Before you read on....take a deep breath in for me......and again. Firstly....stop drinking. It's a depressant and altho it initially makes you feel giddy..the after effects are awful. Christmas is a blooming lonely time for some. It's not all about families and tinsel and laughing infact it's the polar opposite for some. I hear you...i really hear you. You aren't alone and you must keep telling yourself this. You turned to here didn't you? Be proud for doing so because let me tell you...we have all been in the same boat(some still...others on the road to recovery...some, recovered but not complacent to think it won't make an encore). Anger is an emotion. Right? Tears are an emotion. Right? For you and so many of us...our daily rollercoaster is hard to understand to those who don't have anxiety and depression...they try...we can snap out of this..of course we can!! Hmm. Wrong. Your daughter will love you, does she know you have bipolar? If so...yes your comments may sting abit but she's there. And loves you. You won't feel loved. It's part of the nasties we face. You feel you can't get any lower...you can't climb back up because your emotional state doesn't allow it. If you have answered yes to these then I want you to try a few things. You mentioned insurance...so you are in the U.S.? I'm from Britain so we don't face those horrendous and 'can't quite understand it'rules. It doesn't help you so I'm sorry. All I can do is explain what I did and tried and you can perhaps try. Breathing. Deep deep breaths. You don't have to be having a panic attack either to do this. Next....focus. focus on one thing. Something positive, not even present as I know it's hard right now. Something that made you smile. Close your eyes and focus...see it, open your senses and smell...look around you and smile. I don't know if this will work for you...it did for me. There's also writing. Write like you have today but in a notebook. It sounds mad doesn't it? O found a pattern emerge and things that triggered the darkness. Also pls use this site...the people in it happen to be the loveliest and we are all in the same boat..just on different levels. We get it. We understand it. We live it. Don't you ever feel alone...theres always someone around. You are relevant, you are important and even tho you don't believe it right now....you will. The pain you are in...im sorry. Truly I am. And I'm sorry if I'm not much help. I can't tell you any over the counter meds as I haven't researched them so can't comment. But pls...try and stop the drinking. You may take 1 step forward and 9 back. Take care. Janie.

[Lexica02]

Hello. I just joined literally like minutes ago and saw your post. I’m feeling and experiencing the same. I don’t want to seek help because I don’t believe it will help me or maybe I’m too embarrassed to talk to anyone. I know that self medicating is not the answer. It’s been particularly difficult for me lately but I keep trying to put things in perspective: What is upsetting me, what can I do to help myself, will this feeling last forever. What do I want for my future.

More importantly what do you want. Self medicating will really not help. There was an herbal remedy that I tried and swore by but I don’t think it really helped. More like my mantra does more for me “today is the first day of the rest of my life”. In other words I’m in charge. I don’t know how to help you but maybe write it out here so you can put your thoughts into perspective.

[Janieliza in reply to Lexica02]

Mantras are the biz aren't they? I used to swear by mine. Great advice there.

[Windy101]

NAMI is a good organization to contact if you're in a remote area and trying to find help. Here's its Web site:

nami.org/Find-Support

[Opossumish in reply to Windy101]

Agreed. Especially look for Peer Support, which is like this forum but in person. It's also free!